Do you change? (36)
Serenity1971Serenity's Island, New York USA81 Threads 2 Polls 3,815 PostsWhen you're in a relationship with someone, do you change who you are in order to make the other person happy? Do you find a way to compromise with the other person so that there's a give and take? Do you expect the other person to change in order to fit your wants or needs?
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I don't change "who" I am for anybody, but myself.
Compromise is overrated,
it's too closely related to sacrifice,
and sacrifice is the basis for entitlement,
which manifest itself as expectation.
I do what I want to do,
she does what she wants to do,
and if we get along, that's great.
The key is knowing your wants.
Compromise is overrated,
it's too closely related to sacrifice,
and sacrifice is the basis for entitlement,
which manifest itself as expectation.
I do what I want to do,
she does what she wants to do,
and if we get along, that's great.
The key is knowing your wants.
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To "change" is ridiculous. It takes away from who we are. There are always things in a relationship that you can "compromise" on, and possibly "change" but not to ve-vamp your life for someone. If it's something minor and you both talk about it as it's comfortable...fine.
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I did, in several relationships....I ran across a definetion of "Co dependency".....Reactive submission....
I was codependent for decades and very much in denial about it.....
Now I accept others as they are and expect that acceptance in return....
I was codependent for decades and very much in denial about it.....
Now I accept others as they are and expect that acceptance in return....
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I personaly believe that as the relationship developes, one may see things in the other that are not likable to us, but do I expect that person to change?
That would depend on how serious the matter is, is it something that affects me emotionaly, I would expect him to show consideration.
A lack of consideration, would escalate to may the hurt even deeper, where damage is done beyond repair.
If it's something external, sometimes people should compromise, but not to make the other happy, they have to find that themselves.
I would compromise because it show the other person that I value them, and would like them to continue being in my life.
I do not think it's fair to expect 100% percent change, but to have the person understand, that improvements need to be made.
Angel
That would depend on how serious the matter is, is it something that affects me emotionaly, I would expect him to show consideration.
A lack of consideration, would escalate to may the hurt even deeper, where damage is done beyond repair.
If it's something external, sometimes people should compromise, but not to make the other happy, they have to find that themselves.
I would compromise because it show the other person that I value them, and would like them to continue being in my life.
I do not think it's fair to expect 100% percent change, but to have the person understand, that improvements need to be made.
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I work on compromise and am willing to change some things...I am not set in stone and have an awful lot to learn...my core values however are unalterable.
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i believe u have to compromise to a point ,but don't lose who you are in the process
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Nope. And I wouldn't expect the other person to change for me either. When I am with someone. I with them for who they are. I fell in love with them inside and out. And I wouldn't want the person to expect me to change either.
I think that as long as neither one of us is hurting anyone or ourselves then why change?
I think that as long as neither one of us is hurting anyone or ourselves then why change?
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I wouldn't ever change to make the other person happy - if I did, I wouldn't be 'me' or how I was when she met me, with my traits, etc. I don't ever expect her to change either, it's not fair in any respect. That being said, compromise and understanding with plenty of heart-felt discussion can get you over any hurdles you may run across.
My .02
Rich
My .02
Rich
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what he said
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This may sound kind of selfish, but...
The most important relationship is the one I have with myself. If I'm going to change it's for self improvement, not because someone else wants me to. I will compromise, but not at the expense of my values beliefs or me as a person. I don't expect a person to change in order to suit me, we either accept each other as we are or not, and if not there can be no relationship. I will however point out to the person I am in the relationship with if it's not going to work, why it's not going to work for me. I don't want someone that is going to compromise themselves for me either.
The most important relationship is the one I have with myself. If I'm going to change it's for self improvement, not because someone else wants me to. I will compromise, but not at the expense of my values beliefs or me as a person. I don't expect a person to change in order to suit me, we either accept each other as we are or not, and if not there can be no relationship. I will however point out to the person I am in the relationship with if it's not going to work, why it's not going to work for me. I don't want someone that is going to compromise themselves for me either.
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Change is something that we may always count on my dear.
I never place unrealistic expectations of changing a person to fit my needs when I enter a relationship. If that is not who the person is, those changes would only then probably be temporary.
Usually, the change is only temporary.
Few things in life really frighten people, change is sometimes one of the most feared.
If we feel the need to enter into a relationship by changing the other, something should send a signal to stop.
I never place unrealistic expectations of changing a person to fit my needs when I enter a relationship. If that is not who the person is, those changes would only then probably be temporary.
Usually, the change is only temporary.
Few things in life really frighten people, change is sometimes one of the most feared.
If we feel the need to enter into a relationship by changing the other, something should send a signal to stop.
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I yam who I yam, but without the Popeye arms.
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After seeing all the responses, I think it all comes down to one word...Expectations
If we keep are expectations low or out of the picture all together, we aren't disappointed. Accept ourselves for who we are and accept others for who they are.
If we keep are expectations low or out of the picture all together, we aren't disappointed. Accept ourselves for who we are and accept others for who they are.
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lets see I do not sit at home waiting for a relationship to occur, and I do not sit at home and twiddle my thumbs because I do not have a "better half" to enjoy lifes many simple pleasures with, Oh yeah, I still enjoy life,but theres a space in my heart thats always available for when my betterhalf comes along, however as for time... I would have to change to accomdate my new Major addition to my life. change hell I would have to by a new calender and reorganize my time to spend any quality time or quantity, if your life is enpty then of course no changes would be called for or needed. When you have a life lacking something it ususlly is something that needs to be filled within
So yeah, there would be changes, and heres the kicker i am looking forward to the change, and even those I spend alot of time with currently would not feel bad about it.
So yeah, there would be changes, and heres the kicker i am looking forward to the change, and even those I spend alot of time with currently would not feel bad about it.
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The "most" important relationship I have is with HP..
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i believe you have to compromise without abondoning your core values:
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I have most definately changed in relationships. Some for the better and some for the worse. Usually it is for the good, because there is compromise in all relationships. But, I have also changed who I was, because he wanted certain behaviors, such as the way I act in public and many other things that actually made up who I am. Only to be told I wasn't the same person. Well, duh. I had been complaining the whole time that I did not know myself his way. It did become our downfall as a couple. I left and took myself back and enjoy who I am once again.
Kat
Kat
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I don't/won't change, but I do try to be more compromising. Not an easy thing to do when you're older and quite set in your ways. For example, in my house, the TV remote is MINE ...mine mine MINE, I tell ya!
Easy compromise for that, though. Two TVs with separate remotes in separate rooms...
so what's the big deal?
No, I don't expect the person to change to fit my wants and needs; I try to ascertain that he is going to be a person whose wants and needs pretty much echo my own, though. Complete opposites do not for a good relationship make, IMO.
Like, I am not a meticulous housekeeper, but I'm neat and organized. No way could I or would I live with a slob. Would drive me nuts.
Easy compromise for that, though. Two TVs with separate remotes in separate rooms...
so what's the big deal?No, I don't expect the person to change to fit my wants and needs; I try to ascertain that he is going to be a person whose wants and needs pretty much echo my own, though. Complete opposites do not for a good relationship make, IMO.
Like, I am not a meticulous housekeeper, but I'm neat and organized. No way could I or would I live with a slob. Would drive me nuts.
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Created: Nov 2006
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