I'm tired of being sorry. (30)
howshouldiknow: I met a man .....happy. :( Thanks a lot.
A relationship is built upon trust; if you're not open and honest from the start, you can't get any relationship to last. There should be no secrets at all.
Forget the man and move on.
Good luck!
------ This thread is Archived ------
Drop it, let it go, move on. That was the past. No need to blame yourself anymore, he's gone. Start fresh. 
------ This thread is Archived ------
Well you said it in your first line that you will be honest from the start with your next relationship.
All you can do now is move on with your life and block negative thoughts out of your mind. You can do it if you try
All you can do now is move on with your life and block negative thoughts out of your mind. You can do it if you try
------ This thread is Archived ------
I got my lesson from that, it's for sure. But I can't live blaming myself the rest of my life, right? :(
------ This thread is Archived ------
howshouldiknow: I got my lesson from that, it's for sure. But I can't live blaming myself the rest of my life, right? :(
Right! ------ This thread is Archived ------
Goodness, why feel sorry... just feel happy its over..
and I don't think you need to be telling anyone anything.. until you feel comfortable to do so... and that is usually not at the beginning of meeting a fella... and not even at all, if you feel you need to keep things to yourself..
No one has a right to force you to say anything until you are ready to tell it... and especially someone who has known you for five minutes ... so as to speak..
Learn to sit on the fence.. and observe for ages before you say a word... it is a good method of getting the fella to open up first.. and keep the ball in his court..for as long as you can.. then you will know if you want a measure of friendship with the fella or not..
JMO...
and I don't think you need to be telling anyone anything.. until you feel comfortable to do so... and that is usually not at the beginning of meeting a fella... and not even at all, if you feel you need to keep things to yourself..
No one has a right to force you to say anything until you are ready to tell it... and especially someone who has known you for five minutes ... so as to speak..
Learn to sit on the fence.. and observe for ages before you say a word... it is a good method of getting the fella to open up first.. and keep the ball in his court..for as long as you can.. then you will know if you want a measure of friendship with the fella or not..
JMO...
------ This thread is Archived ------
howshouldiknow: I got my lesson from that, it's for sure. But I can't live blaming myself the rest of my life, right? :(
Perhaps you should have been straight with him from the start, having said that your relationships before him are really none on his business, I don't know why you feel guilty about this.
secondly he seems a very possessive person, over the top, he was looking for a way to control you and you gave it to him, maybe that's what you wanted at the time.
Persons of his type can become physically abusive and controlling, steer clear.
You can do better than that, next time be up front but make it plain your relationships before him are your business, good luck.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Seems you are right! Thanks a lot!
------ This thread is Archived ------
Seems you are right! Thanks a lot!
Merriweather: Goodness, why feel sorry... just feel happy its over..
and I don't think you need to be telling anyone anything.. until you feel comfortable to do so... and that is usually not at the beginning of meeting a fella... and not even at all, if you feel you need to keep things to yourself..
No one has a right to force you to say anything until you are ready to tell it... and especially someone who has known you for five minutes ... so as to speak..
Learn to sit on the fence.. and observe for ages before you say a word... it is a good method of getting the fella to open up first.. and keep the ball in his court..for as long as you can.. then you will know if you want a measure of friendship with the fella or not..
JMO...
and I don't think you need to be telling anyone anything.. until you feel comfortable to do so... and that is usually not at the beginning of meeting a fella... and not even at all, if you feel you need to keep things to yourself..
No one has a right to force you to say anything until you are ready to tell it... and especially someone who has known you for five minutes ... so as to speak..
Learn to sit on the fence.. and observe for ages before you say a word... it is a good method of getting the fella to open up first.. and keep the ball in his court..for as long as you can.. then you will know if you want a measure of friendship with the fella or not..
JMO...
------ This thread is Archived ------
howshouldiknow: I met a man here about a year ago and we started to meet, but I have made big mistake at the very beginning not telling him all truth about my past relationship etc because I was afraid that he is gonna leave me if I tell him absolutely everything because he had very high moral level and I was afraid that I will appear bad in he's eyes.( I admit my mistake and will never repeat it ever again with anyone I will meet in a future). Finally he found out everything I wanted to hide, made it double in he's mind and we had a big fight, broke up. Then we made it up again. I asked him to forgive me, explained my reasons and he said he accept everything. But he had stop trusting me and that came out as controlling every step I do and enormously jealousy- he was calling me every time I was hour late and getting mad if I did not hear he's call. Even there were lovely moments as well and we were emotionally attached a lot, I felt too bad in that kind of relationship and decided that it's better to separate instead of making each other sick. Beside that I started to scare from him because he was showing he's negative feelings aggressively. Not physically but emotionally, but that was so intense that I was sure he can hit me one day as well. So I could not stand that any more, got depressed and did not even see those good things what he was trying to do for me because I was full of negative emotions- I felt guilty for my lies, same time I felt that I deserve to be forgiven without bringing down by him etc. We talked about that and he agreed that there is no future for us as a couple, that we are both unhappy and that this is nothing else but addiction. So we broke up finally, he called me once after that but started to yell on me again once picked the phone and I simply got scared and have stop conversation.
The thing is, even I don't love him any more and it's been a while since it's over, I still think about that person sometimes and feel kind of a sorry that it didn't work out!, that he invested a lot on me- he's time, care and money as well! I should not care about that, I should be happy that it's finally over but I feel sorry. Can you imagine? So I want to know, how to stop blaming myself of this, because for sure I was not the only reason why we broke up and he would never make me happy just because we were so different and he was over possessive and rude and made me run away. I'm just tired of being sorry for what I don't really have to be sorry. Please, give me some advice on that, I want to go on with my life and be happy. :( Thanks a lot.
The thing is, even I don't love him any more and it's been a while since it's over, I still think about that person sometimes and feel kind of a sorry that it didn't work out!, that he invested a lot on me- he's time, care and money as well! I should not care about that, I should be happy that it's finally over but I feel sorry. Can you imagine? So I want to know, how to stop blaming myself of this, because for sure I was not the only reason why we broke up and he would never make me happy just because we were so different and he was over possessive and rude and made me run away. I'm just tired of being sorry for what I don't really have to be sorry. Please, give me some advice on that, I want to go on with my life and be happy. :( Thanks a lot.
Is there a condensed version?
------ This thread is Archived ------
tomcatwarne: Perhaps you should have been straight with him from the start, having said that your relationships before him are really none on his business, I don't know why you feel guilty about this.
secondly he seems a very possessive person, over the top, he was looking for a way to control you and you gave it to him, maybe that's what you wanted at the time.
Persons of his type can become physically abusive and controlling, steer clear.
You can do better than that, next time be up front but make it plain your relationships before him are your business, good luck.
secondly he seems a very possessive person, over the top, he was looking for a way to control you and you gave it to him, maybe that's what you wanted at the time.
Persons of his type can become physically abusive and controlling, steer clear.
You can do better than that, next time be up front but make it plain your relationships before him are your business, good luck.
Very true, Tom.
It's our past experiences, good or bad, be they relationships or other events, that shape who we are. You have a right to your past as does anyone you enter into a relationship with.
None of us can with certainty say we made no mistakes in our past.
I can understand your ex partner feeling aggrieved that you held back information from him, but this in no way excuses his subsequent behaviour which sounds abusive.
You seem to have learnt the lessons you wanted to from your experience with him, forgive yourself, put it behind you and move forward with your life.
You deserve to be loved, and to be accepted for all that you are, past and present.
Best of luck on your journey to love...
------ This thread is Archived ------
howshouldiknow: I got my lesson from that, it's for sure. But I can't live blaming myself the rest of my life, right? :(
What you did in relationships before you met him, should not be his business IMO. But he found out and reveals himself as controlling. That's his problem, one cannot control love. He's scaring you, you fear violence may be there, you should be scared, so run like hell..
You need not feel guilty in this case IMO. Why do you?
There are things I do and did as a human that I feel guilty about, guilt is a good thing, it keeps me from doing it again. Hopefully
Sometimes I repeat and have to learn lessons the hard way. So I feel guilty and badly, and in time forgive myself. I learn to live with myself.Personally, I would not want a relationship where I would have to air my whole life to meet someones approval.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Then just move forward.
------ This thread is Archived ------
I think that if you are progressing into a serious relationship with someone its only fair to be open and share your past - at this time and age with so many diseases its better to be safe than sorry. Everyone is different and has their own standards - in my case for example I have only had one partner all my life so I know that I will be very cautious about who I chose to be my next partner and what his past was like. Am not saying that that will determine if I will be with him or not - simply saying that for me knowing is important. 
------ This thread is Archived ------
Ccincy: Then just move forward.
best move.------ This thread is Archived ------
The problem of making a mistake especially in a new relationship is that you don't know really know who you're dealing with. He may very well use your mistake as an excuse for his own flaws.
I had a relationship where I'd accidentally slept with her best friend before the relationship, which I didn't say anything about, but when she did find out she then used to this justify being possessive and controlling in a way that, as I later found out, she had been with all her previous boyfriends anyway.
I had a relationship where I'd accidentally slept with her best friend before the relationship, which I didn't say anything about, but when she did find out she then used to this justify being possessive and controlling in a way that, as I later found out, she had been with all her previous boyfriends anyway.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sometimes when someone shares certain things about their past relationships they can be used against you.
I know of a woman who had had her small children taken a way her from a previous relationship and later got them back.
Her new boyfriend found out and used it against her by telling her that if she would've been a better caring and loving mother that her children wouldn't had been taken a way from her.
Some things from ones past is not wise to tell.
I know of a woman who had had her small children taken a way her from a previous relationship and later got them back.
Her new boyfriend found out and used it against her by telling her that if she would've been a better caring and loving mother that her children wouldn't had been taken a way from her.
Some things from ones past is not wise to tell.
------ This thread is Archived ------
abcWOMAN: A relationship is built upon trust; if you're not open and honest from the start, you can't get any relationship to last. There should be no secrets at all.Forget the man and move on.Good luck!
it is not just inter personal relationships...... TRUST is the corner stone on which every transaction is built be it politics, military or business ..that's how business works that's how trade treaties are signed. that's how countries group up together and form a coalition force in the face of adversary
"one for all and all for one " is the mantra, and when trust breaks you have scams. rackets , coups & break-ups.
------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
beauty of the heart
makeover
More Proof The GOP is a Criminal Organization
The weird and the random facts around the world
s*xual skills
wanting beyond need
Kultur-multur
Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
Unions support Democrats!
Democrats destroyed America
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Stats for this Thread
1,993 Views
29 Comments
in Advice
Created: Nov 2013
Last Viewed: Apr 26
Last Commented: Nov 2013
0 Likes
The thing is, even I don't love him any more and it's been a while since it's over, I still think about that person sometimes and feel kind of a sorry that it didn't work out!, that he invested a lot on me- he's time, care and money as well! I should not care about that, I should be happy that it's finally over but I feel sorry. Can you imagine? So I want to know, how to stop blaming myself of this, because for sure I was not the only reason why we broke up and he would never make me happy just because we were so different and he was over possessive and rude and made me run away. I'm just tired of being sorry for what I don't really have to be sorry. Please, give me some advice on that, I want to go on with my life and be happy. :( Thanks a lot.