Online Dating for people who aren't good writers (84)
StedanLiverpool, Merseyside, England UK2 Threads 1,780 PostsI am dreading the day when Google adds on to its International Language Translation the use of a translator for the useage of words verbalised by some youths and cultures of today...because this is the only way one could understand what they say...with a bit of luck I might be tone deaf by then or pushing up the daises from my inhouse coffin.
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mollybaby: This thread just reminded me of Zoolander and the:"Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too"
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postneoludite: eloquence trumps literacy
my lack of education hasn’t hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall
I just like the tune
my lack of education hasn’t hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall
I just like the tune
Indeed. ... in the dictionary it says: see congress/house/parliament.
I like the tune of that song, but the message.. well, at the time it was written the cultural trends were a bit different.
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Lannna23: I think it depends from person to person. For example I dont like personally when men call me "baby" or when they use those nice words in the very first letter; I like first e-mail to be more "rational" and "normal"
I do believe too that women pay attention more how men communicate, what they say and how is said especially in very first few e-mails, latter on it becomes more natural (Yet to be said: I am still in beginner phase, so not sure how that latter phase looks like).
I do believe too that women pay attention more how men communicate, what they say and how is said especially in very first few e-mails, latter on it becomes more natural (Yet to be said: I am still in beginner phase, so not sure how that latter phase looks like).
Lanna, I'm the same way. I always think: How would this conversation play out on the street, face to face. Would he say the same thing to my face? If I'd consider it disrespectful if said in person, then it's disrespectful in writing., but that's just m.o.
Does the standard really need to be lowered online? I hope not.
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.........WUSSUP......???????
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Obstinance_Works: Doesn't have to be great at writing, to listening and perceive are more important for him as she will doing 75% of the talking and he will be doing 75% of the head nodding.
Unless the guy is amazing at writing, and probably far better than the women he talks to, I suggest the he keeps his messages short, sweet and witty - basically he's catering to people with ADD. All women online have Attention Deficit Disorder.
Unless the guy is amazing at writing, and probably far better than the women he talks to, I suggest the he keeps his messages short, sweet and witty - basically he's catering to people with ADD. All women online have Attention Deficit Disorder.
There's a difference between ADD and simply not being interested in what you have to say.
Just sayin'.
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Stedan: I am dreading the day when Google adds on to its International Language Translation the use of a translator for the useage of words verbalised by some youths and cultures of today...because this is the only way one could understand what they say...with a bit of luck I might be tone deaf by then or pushing up the daises from my inhouse coffin.
You know, the excuse is that if you only have 160 characters to get a message across, you have to abbreviate. I say: if you can't fit it in, CALL.
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truheart1941: hi Jac.....fancey a shog.......
Oh, gollocks to you, Tru.
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Words are all you have on here as you cannot really trust the photo. To me what and how it is said are important especially when he is from an English speaking country. If not then I can't judge as my English is also far from perfect. If I must decipher the message first I delete without reading.
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Nidifugous: I watched a docu about women who marry Moroccon guys. It's in German and French, so I didn't bother to post a link. In it, they talk to a Moroccon man who is married to a Swiss woman and he's written a book on the subject. Anyway, they asked him: How come women fall for guys when they do not fully understand the culture, etc. etc. He said: (paraphrased): You need to understand that in the Arab culture, telling stories and using flowery language has a long tradition. Western women are so deprived of beautiful words that they basically fall for it hook, line and sinker.
Granted, some western women don't like flowery language, but I also think he has a point.
Another motivation for the tread was the reading of numerous posts by men who are clearly frustrated with the results they got from the site. Almost always, someone points to their inability to communicate what they want.
This thread isn't about snobbery. It's asking the question whether someone is at a disadvantage if they aren't good writers in this environment. My own view is basically the same as what Molly said. You get a photo (sometimes not) and written words to make a decision whether to continue or not with a person.
Granted, some western women don't like flowery language, but I also think he has a point.
Another motivation for the tread was the reading of numerous posts by men who are clearly frustrated with the results they got from the site. Almost always, someone points to their inability to communicate what they want.
This thread isn't about snobbery. It's asking the question whether someone is at a disadvantage if they aren't good writers in this environment. My own view is basically the same as what Molly said. You get a photo (sometimes not) and written words to make a decision whether to continue or not with a person.
I think it is exclusive (and perhaps snobbery) when you suggest someone might be at a huge disadvantage because of their writing skills and if someone's writing skills aren't up to par they should go somewhere else. (Maybe people are at a huge disadvantage in an environment of judgement?)
It assumes that this is the place for people with good writing skills, when in fact it's just a place where people may communicate in writing.
It assumes that people with 'good' writing skills are the 'choosers', when in fact people with 'non-good' writing skills may also make choices for themselves.
It assumes 'good' and 'non-good' writers have other matching qualities such as 'good' and 'non-good' intelligence, knowledge, or desire to communicate on a particular level.
Just because those who complain about a lack of 'success' are advised their communication is lacking, doesn't mean the self-appointed 'good communicator(s)' is/are correct.
Communication is perhaps more about the cognitions and knowledge which go on behind the written word, than the presentation of the words themselves.
There are many people who have a brain and heart the size of a planet, but are crap at writing. There are many eloquent and talented 'anti-social personalities'. It makes me laugh that the responsibility is put on people to write 'well' (when perhaps their cognitive functioning just ain't like that), but not on people to see the person behind the writing struggles.
To me, this is no different from excluding deaf, or hard of hearing people from social situations as if they're stupid, or anti-social, when all you have to do is face them when talking so they can lip read. To me, this is no different from excluding blind people because you're too inconsiderate, or impatient to let them know where obstacles are in an unfamiliar place. To me, this is no different from excluding a wheelchair user from a social situation because the bar you want to go to with your mates isn't accessible to them because that's the cool place to go.
To me, it's like saying all the spazzers can go to the special school where no one else has to be bothered to accommodate their individual needs.
If people want their own space some of the time to be with people who they can relate to on a certain level, that's their choice. If you want some time with people you can relate to on a certain level that's your choice. What is not your choice, my choice, or anybody else's choice is who can, or cannot participate in a public arena such as CS.
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The written words says more than love in the air
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Good communication requires understanding for those that may or may not be able to relay their thoughts be it through writing or actions. On Cs we have our profiles(with or without pics) and also being able to post in the forums or blogs. People are judgmental by nature and do form opinions. Slould it matter is we make speling errors or can't express ourselves in the way we meant to portray our thoughts.I think not but like I said, people are judgmental.The peeps that are first to correct or,for the lack of a a better word, ridicule another shouldn't forget that there are many others forming an opinion about them as well. JMO 
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kennn: Good communication requires understanding for those that may or may not be able to relay their thoughts be it through writing or actions. On Cs we have our profiles(with or without pics) and also being able to post in the forums or blogs. People are judgmental by nature and do form opinions. Slould it matter is we make speling errors or can't express ourselves in the way we meant to portray our thoughts.I think not but like I said, people are judgmental.The peeps that are first to correct or,for the lack of a a better word, ridicule another shouldn't forget that there are many others forming an opinion about them as well. JMO
Yup, communication is a two way process, an interaction.
We are not obliged to provide entertainment for an exclusive group.
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jac_the_gripper: Yup, communication is a two way process, an interaction.
We are not obliged to provide entertainment for an exclusive group.
We are not obliged to provide entertainment for an exclusive group.
Tell that to Tru he forever looking for individual attention...
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kennn: Good communication requires understanding for those that may or may not be able to relay their thoughts be it through writing or actions. On Cs we have our profiles(with or without pics) and also being able to post in the forums or blogs. People are judgmental by nature and do form opinions. Slould it matter is we make speling errors or can't express ourselves in the way we meant to portray our thoughts.I think not but like I said, people are judgmental.The peeps that are first to correct or,for the lack of a a better word, ridicule another shouldn't forget that there are many others forming an opinion about them as well. JMO
i use the benefit of the doubt system...
and try to get the gist of what a person is saying. as well, everyone has 'on' and 'off' days...so i also find that patterns appear over time giving pretty good indications about the person posting independent of their spelling and grammar.
having said that, i do appreciate an intelligent and articulate mind.
there's a lot of power in how one can use words.
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Nidifugous: Should people who are on the warpath with orthography do the online dating thing?
Wouldn't they be better off doing another form of dating? (i.e. whatsapp or similar). Doesn't a place like CS put them at a huge disadvantage? It's a competitive market and photo apart, what initially attracts is what a person communicates in writing.
Doesn't a guy who is good with words have an advantage with women? I'm not talking about b.s.artists, but just well-spoken, articulate (written and verbal) communicators?
What do you think? ... and how does it square with the men? I suspect men care less about how women communicate than women care about how men communicate. Maybe I'm wrong. Opinions?
It's one of those things, you know. Like, some people are way crazy smart, but can't perform well on a test. By the same token, some people write really, really well, but are shrinking violets in person. Nothing is all standard; nothing is all deviant.Wouldn't they be better off doing another form of dating? (i.e. whatsapp or similar). Doesn't a place like CS put them at a huge disadvantage? It's a competitive market and photo apart, what initially attracts is what a person communicates in writing.
Doesn't a guy who is good with words have an advantage with women? I'm not talking about b.s.artists, but just well-spoken, articulate (written and verbal) communicators?
What do you think? ... and how does it square with the men? I suspect men care less about how women communicate than women care about how men communicate. Maybe I'm wrong. Opinions?
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Erm doin feine, also too fyngr tiping. 
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pedalguy59: Erm doin feine, also too fyngr tiping.
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Lookin4missright: <--- two on each hand
You are better than I, always pegged you for a high tech guy.
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rohaan: It's one of those things, you know. Like, some people are way crazy smart, but can't perform well on a test. By the same token, some people write really, really well, but are shrinking violets in person. Nothing is all standard; nothing is all deviant.
Absolutely. That's why it lends itself for discussion. Some people write the same way they speak, others don't. That's what makes this an interesting subject, imo. If we had an integrated video chat sort of like on fb where you can ask to speak on camera or voice via the site, that would be great, but we don't have it here.
I read tone into text if it's private communication. Do you?
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