How choosy is too choosy when seeking your match? (11)
em i like a man that wears grt shoes....if der not machn d outfit..its a game changer for me...Now ur askn sure how can she tell that tru d internet...But i wud go on a date with everyone who wud ask me but d first ting i luk at its footwear...And dont dare wear Nike Trainers...Vomit
Then i go, up to the packae area ..glance and make an evaluation then look at the chest and upper arms..i like strenght..then i go to the face...A strong,face but not to be gorgeous looking..I like gabriel byrne melancholy lived life,,understand life and Iv a great idea on life now..kinda face..the eyes tell d story and if they have dark hair...well im won over and then the conversation..that is d tru component , the final piece that puts d pule in place...and will therefore determine if it goes to second date territory...
thats my modus operandi....But reinforcing....shoes will make or break the date....shallow maybe....but I cant see past it...Thats just my mindset...
Then i go, up to the packae area ..glance and make an evaluation then look at the chest and upper arms..i like strenght..then i go to the face...A strong,face but not to be gorgeous looking..I like gabriel byrne melancholy lived life,,understand life and Iv a great idea on life now..kinda face..the eyes tell d story and if they have dark hair...well im won over and then the conversation..that is d tru component , the final piece that puts d pule in place...and will therefore determine if it goes to second date territory...
thats my modus operandi....But reinforcing....shoes will make or break the date....shallow maybe....but I cant see past it...Thats just my mindset...
SeekingAlone: You probably have a pretty good idea of what you are looking for... and perhaps you have an even better idea of what you're 'not' looking for.
While it is fairly natural for any person considering a potentially long-life mate to be selective in his or her approach, at what point does the desire to meet one's perfect match become more of a hindrance than is worth the while?
The floor is yours.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
...
I'll go first of course.
I guess the strongest thing for me would be something that I 'wouldn't' like in a potential mate and that is that she be a smoker. Yes, I know that smokers can be delightful personalities but the habit really puts me off.
If I were to select one thing I'm actively looking for that I'd consider to be unreasonable then it might be my insistence that the 'we' resulting from a relationship have as little impact on the 'me' and 'her' as feasible. Still - that is because I've been hurt before in that department and lost a fair bit of 'me' that I since regained.
...
Ok. Your turn. ^_^
They must be mentally and physically healthy.While it is fairly natural for any person considering a potentially long-life mate to be selective in his or her approach, at what point does the desire to meet one's perfect match become more of a hindrance than is worth the while?
The floor is yours.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
...
I'll go first of course.
I guess the strongest thing for me would be something that I 'wouldn't' like in a potential mate and that is that she be a smoker. Yes, I know that smokers can be delightful personalities but the habit really puts me off.
If I were to select one thing I'm actively looking for that I'd consider to be unreasonable then it might be my insistence that the 'we' resulting from a relationship have as little impact on the 'me' and 'her' as feasible. Still - that is because I've been hurt before in that department and lost a fair bit of 'me' that I since regained.
...
Ok. Your turn. ^_^
After that, no missing or bad teeth.
Not obese.
The rest can be worked on.
Great answers, and that's quite a lot of detail went into (kudos!).
Interestingly specific about the choice of footwear but I guess its no different from guys for whom high heels is a must on women. So is your mentioning it here an indication that you consider the footwear condition to be in any way unreasonable or were you simply pointing out the high importance to you? :c)
As for physical and mental health and fitness - those are generally very fair starting points.
Thank you for sharing!
Interestingly specific about the choice of footwear but I guess its no different from guys for whom high heels is a must on women. So is your mentioning it here an indication that you consider the footwear condition to be in any way unreasonable or were you simply pointing out the high importance to you? :c)
As for physical and mental health and fitness - those are generally very fair starting points.
Thank you for sharing!
you asked he question...we gave u our answers..i enjoyed the thread..thank you it was iintresting....
I very recently learned something rather crucial... although I always knew the expression don't judge a book by its cover, I never trully understood its deep meaning ...
Our preconceived ideas and judgements of superficial appearances or 'first glance judgements' (not te be confused with first gut reaction) are nothing but our selfrightrous projection on people we know very little about. The limitations we impose on ourselves and others, born from cultural or societal influence or brainwashing get in the way of our own authenticity and blind us to the authenticity of others...
Shedding all of the above allows us to really see ourselves therefore creating a window to really seeing others.
2 people who really 'see' each other connect on a deeper level without effort, simply by just being. I am having the pleasure of experiencing this and it's so simply beautiful
Our preconceived ideas and judgements of superficial appearances or 'first glance judgements' (not te be confused with first gut reaction) are nothing but our selfrightrous projection on people we know very little about. The limitations we impose on ourselves and others, born from cultural or societal influence or brainwashing get in the way of our own authenticity and blind us to the authenticity of others...
Shedding all of the above allows us to really see ourselves therefore creating a window to really seeing others.
2 people who really 'see' each other connect on a deeper level without effort, simply by just being. I am having the pleasure of experiencing this and it's so simply beautiful
'Very' well said Selenite. ^_^
There is certainly truth to the claim that our first reactions to others say more of ourselves than of those others. That being said, the first thing to 'partake' of those others is usually one's eyes. Beauty or any notion related to beauty is that which draws others in, and it is the substance within that keeps them in.
It may seem a little shallow but that's how things work and few can truthfully say that such doesn't apply to them. Chances are that you and I are no exceptions as, presented with our favourite dish on the left side, and being presented with the same thing but pureed on the right, we'd likely snub the dish on the right every time. And who could blame us?
Thank you for sharing your insight!
There is certainly truth to the claim that our first reactions to others say more of ourselves than of those others. That being said, the first thing to 'partake' of those others is usually one's eyes. Beauty or any notion related to beauty is that which draws others in, and it is the substance within that keeps them in.
It may seem a little shallow but that's how things work and few can truthfully say that such doesn't apply to them. Chances are that you and I are no exceptions as, presented with our favourite dish on the left side, and being presented with the same thing but pureed on the right, we'd likely snub the dish on the right every time. And who could blame us?
Thank you for sharing your insight!
Yes being selective can get in the way....but worse things than being alone....such as never being alone...lol....anyways....what I value the most is intelligence....and what is very much a turn off is someone addicted cause they are unable to have a healthy relationship....emphasis on healthy
SeekingAlone: You probably have a pretty good idea of what you are looking for... and perhaps you have an even better idea of what you're 'not' looking for.
While it is fairly natural for any person considering a potentially long-life mate to be selective in his or her approach, at what point does the desire to meet one's perfect match become more of a hindrance than is worth the while?
The floor is yours.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
...
I'll go first of course.
I guess the strongest thing for me would be something that I 'wouldn't' like in a potential mate and that is that she be a smoker. Yes, I know that smokers can be delightful personalities but the habit really puts me off.
If I were to select one thing I'm actively looking for that I'd consider to be unreasonable then it might be my insistence that the 'we' resulting from a relationship have as little impact on the 'me' and 'her' as feasible. Still - that is because I've been hurt before in that department and lost a fair bit of 'me' that I since regained.
...
Ok. Your turn. ^_^
Most important 1 thing: At first glance, I look for someone who is thin. It tells me they care about how they look, and not just eat everything they feel like.While it is fairly natural for any person considering a potentially long-life mate to be selective in his or her approach, at what point does the desire to meet one's perfect match become more of a hindrance than is worth the while?
The floor is yours.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
...
I'll go first of course.
I guess the strongest thing for me would be something that I 'wouldn't' like in a potential mate and that is that she be a smoker. Yes, I know that smokers can be delightful personalities but the habit really puts me off.
If I were to select one thing I'm actively looking for that I'd consider to be unreasonable then it might be my insistence that the 'we' resulting from a relationship have as little impact on the 'me' and 'her' as feasible. Still - that is because I've been hurt before in that department and lost a fair bit of 'me' that I since regained.
...
Ok. Your turn. ^_^
Next it would have to be whether they have kids or not. I am not thrilled on the idea of the ex coming over to see the kids, and if they were raised differently than how I might contribute to their knowledge.
Then it would be things like smoking/drinking, which are unhealthy. And religion which is very different from mine.
Yes, I have lots of things, and am still searching.
Thazager: Most important 1 thing: At first glance, I look for someone who is thin. It tells me they care about how they look, and not just eat everything they feel like.
Next it would have to be whether they have kids or not. I am not thrilled on the idea of the ex coming over to see the kids, and if they were raised differently than how I might contribute to their knowledge.
Then it would be things like smoking/drinking, which are unhealthy. And religion which is very different from mine.
Yes, I have lots of things, and am still searching.
Just to comment on a point you make...Next it would have to be whether they have kids or not. I am not thrilled on the idea of the ex coming over to see the kids, and if they were raised differently than how I might contribute to their knowledge.
Then it would be things like smoking/drinking, which are unhealthy. And religion which is very different from mine.
Yes, I have lots of things, and am still searching.
I'm thin! Not because I care about the way I look and starve myself/watch what I eat to achieve that. I'm thin because my metabolism means I can eat ANYTHING I want and remain slim even after the menopause... so assumptions are not always wise about what or how people 'are thin' ...
How choosy is too choosy when seeking your match?
When someone isn't realistic about themselves and what they bring to the table.
I do think though, that being selective is important to find someone suitable for a relationship.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
It's a 2 step approach for me. First, I need to connect with someone. I like a guy that is bright, kind, engaging, witty and enjoys life.
Then getting to know this person to see if we are looking for the same thing. Similar values, relationship type and lifestyle to see where and if this could be going somewhere.
Someone on eye level with a similar attitude and preferences in life.
When someone isn't realistic about themselves and what they bring to the table.
I do think though, that being selective is important to find someone suitable for a relationship.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
It's a 2 step approach for me. First, I need to connect with someone. I like a guy that is bright, kind, engaging, witty and enjoys life.
Then getting to know this person to see if we are looking for the same thing. Similar values, relationship type and lifestyle to see where and if this could be going somewhere.
Someone on eye level with a similar attitude and preferences in life.
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While it is fairly natural for any person considering a potentially long-life mate to be selective in his or her approach, at what point does the desire to meet one's perfect match become more of a hindrance than is worth the while?
The floor is yours.
What 'one' thing would you say is 'most' important in whom you're looking for ('or' one thing you absolutely 'don't' want in whom you're looking for)?
What 'one' thing among your preferences would you say is the biggest candidate for being seen as unreasonably choosy?
...
I'll go first of course.
I guess the strongest thing for me would be something that I 'wouldn't' like in a potential mate and that is that she be a smoker. Yes, I know that smokers can be delightful personalities but the habit really puts me off.
If I were to select one thing I'm actively looking for that I'd consider to be unreasonable then it might be my insistence that the 'we' resulting from a relationship have as little impact on the 'me' and 'her' as feasible. Still - that is because I've been hurt before in that department and lost a fair bit of 'me' that I since regained.
...
Ok. Your turn. ^_^