Come on men, bring all your best woman jokes! ( Archived) (33)

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

look what we got here then fake pic fake profile what are you hiding behind that screen thought we would never catch you wrong again get it you have been exposed

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

EEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

get thee gone and wash your mouth out with soap and water!

What did the blind man say when walking past the fish market?


















good evening ladies

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season.

He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise
he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos,Texas.

Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer now!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy, with his hands high in the air.

The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can
have your f#@ken deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Aging Aunt Mildred, a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was badly broken anyway.


Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

Six most important men in a woman's life,



THE DOCTOR because he says "Take your clothes off."

THE DENTIST because he says "Open wide."

THE HAIR DRESSER because he says "Do you want them teased or blown?"

THE MILKMAN because he says "Do you want it in the back or in the front?"

THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says "Once it's in you'll love it."

THE BANKER because he says "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest."