Rejection (48)
Lionheart1211Malta, Majjistral Malta5 Threads 152 PostsEveryone says one should move on and not let rejection get the best of one...how do you feel when someone you care about does not reciprocate but chooses someone else instead of you? Is it OK to feel hurt? Doesn't it make one feel small? The winner takes it all...the loser standing small
Hi Lionheart 
This is going to sound bad (ego-centric and all that...) but the truth is that I have been blessed
with the inability to care about people (in general, not just men) that don't care about me....
What really REALLY messes with me is when someone misleads me into thinking he cares
for whatever weird reason..... THAT HURTS!! ::devil sticking me with prong emocion OUCH!!::
This is going to sound bad (ego-centric and all that...) but the truth is that I have been blessed
with the inability to care about people (in general, not just men) that don't care about me....What really REALLY messes with me is when someone misleads me into thinking he cares
for whatever weird reason..... THAT HURTS!! ::devil sticking me with prong emocion OUCH!!::
breezee: Hi Lionheart
This is going to sound bad (ego-centric and all that...) but the truth is that I have been blessed with the inability to care about people (in general, not just men) that don't care about me....
What really REALLY messes with me is when someone misleads me into thinking he cares
for whatever weird reason..... THAT HURTS!! ::devil sticking me with prong emocion OUCH!!::
Hi Breeze...your comment goes right to the heart of the matter (excuse the pun This is going to sound bad (ego-centric and all that...) but the truth is that I have been blessed with the inability to care about people (in general, not just men) that don't care about me....
What really REALLY messes with me is when someone misleads me into thinking he cares
for whatever weird reason..... THAT HURTS!! ::devil sticking me with prong emocion OUCH!!::
)...someone leads you to believe they care...Lionheart1211: Hi Breeze...your comment goes right to the heart of the matter (excuse the pun )...someone leads you to believe they care...
In your OP you say: the winner takes it all, the loser's standing small....
I never saw rejection as a case of winners and losers.
If someone cares for / loves you then there's no such thing as rejection
and if they do reject you, then it's because you were never loved by them in the first place...
No losers.... just bad scenario
Problem only arises if you have been led to believe the person cares (imo) 'cause then you have to adjust reality in your head..... CONFUSION hurts more than rejection (again imo)
I have to agree.if I love somebody and they reject me I want them to be happy and find love elsewhere - it may hurt me but that's selfish and not loving.....all I like to know if I am rejected is the reason why!
Now THAT can be hard - either the other person doesn't really know or they don't wish to hurt your feelings - but it's a miserable feeling to have 'lost' and not know why..knowing helps you 'move on' - right?
Now THAT can be hard - either the other person doesn't really know or they don't wish to hurt your feelings - but it's a miserable feeling to have 'lost' and not know why..knowing helps you 'move on' - right?
rusty_knight: I have to agree.if I love somebody and they reject me I want them to be happy and find love elsewhere - it may hurt me but that's selfish and not loving.....all I like to know if I am rejected is the reason why!
Now THAT can be hard - either the other person doesn't really know or they don't wish to hurt your feelings - but it's a miserable feeling to have 'lost' and not know why..knowing helps you 'move on' - right?
Well put. I feel it is important to know why. It helps a person to recognise their shortcomings and perhaps adjust and not repeat the same mistakes , if that is what they are.Now THAT can be hard - either the other person doesn't really know or they don't wish to hurt your feelings - but it's a miserable feeling to have 'lost' and not know why..knowing helps you 'move on' - right?
is rejection leaving somone?
or... being left by someone?
or is rejection loving someone that doesn't love you back?
one thing that's bad for sure is the "to be led onto believe" that someone loves you and then one figures out it's not true.
There again... what is true love? the one we all talk about?
how do we know if it's true love when we love?
whether one leaves or is left is not important (hahahah, no I know it's not funny, some people have broken hearts) .....one has to go on.
if you leave, that means the other person was not right for you
if you're left, that means the other person was not right for you
easy to put that in writing, isn't it? not so easy to deal with in real life.
right, I'm off to bed now...
nite nite eveyone
zzzzzzzzzz
or... being left by someone?
or is rejection loving someone that doesn't love you back?
one thing that's bad for sure is the "to be led onto believe" that someone loves you and then one figures out it's not true.
There again... what is true love? the one we all talk about?
how do we know if it's true love when we love?
whether one leaves or is left is not important (hahahah, no I know it's not funny, some people have broken hearts) .....one has to go on.
if you leave, that means the other person was not right for you
if you're left, that means the other person was not right for you
easy to put that in writing, isn't it? not so easy to deal with in real life.
right, I'm off to bed now...
nite nite eveyone
zzzzzzzzzzLionheart1211: Well put. I feel it is important to know why. It helps a person to recognise their shortcomings and perhaps adjust and not repeat the same mistakes , if that is what they are.
Thank you, Lionheart; time is a great healer and I do like to be friends (wherever possible) with the ladies I have known and loved in the past....sometimes this is important (e.g. if you've been married and had children together), but also sometimes it is better to completely let go if one or the other still feels their emotions too strongly.
It all depends......... but YES - knowing why things went wrong does help if you have made mistakes and are given the opportunity to learn from the past and not make yourself and another person unhappy as a result of the experience where you 'lost'.
This way you can have a positive attitude and change that 'loss' into something wonderful in the future!
Lionheart1211: Well put. I feel it is important to know why. It helps a person to recognise their shortcomings and perhaps adjust and not repeat the same mistakes , if that is what they are.
Hi Lionheart
Fortunately I've never been in the position you describe and as a result I'm not really qualified to respond to your post.
What I would say though, is I don't believe rejection necessarily means shortcomings or faults in the rejected.
Why not think more positively - the rejected person may well be too good for the person who chooses to reject them.
And even if you are given all the reasons in the world, they aren't going to make rejection feel any better.
Jan1305: Hi Lionheart
Fortunately I've never been in the position you describe and as a result I'm not really qualified to respond to your post.
What I would say though, is I don't believe rejection necessarily means shortcomings or faults in the rejected.
Why not think more positively - the rejected person may well be too good for the person who chooses to reject them.
And even if you are given all the reasons in the world, they aren't going to make rejection feel any better.
Fortunately I've never been in the position you describe and as a result I'm not really qualified to respond to your post.
What I would say though, is I don't believe rejection necessarily means shortcomings or faults in the rejected.
Why not think more positively - the rejected person may well be too good for the person who chooses to reject them.
And even if you are given all the reasons in the world, they aren't going to make rejection feel any better.
Nicely put, Jan!
Lionheart1211: Everyone says one should move on and not let rejection get the best of one...how do you feel when someone you care about does not reciprocate but chooses someone else instead of you? Is it OK to feel hurt? Doesn't it make one feel small? The winner takes it all...the loser standing small
You can,t lose.Either it goes for you or it don,t. If it don,t then it wasn,t worth havin anyway.It,s called the survival mode.
rusty_knight: No wonder you're such a miserable git then!
Me??? Miserable????
Pot,kettle,black,calling,the.
Elley: Me??? Miserable????
Pot,kettle,black,calling,the.
Pot,kettle,black,calling,the.
Yup - we're both miserable old gits (grumpy old men even)........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
and the ladies love us!
rusty_knight: Yup - we're both miserable old gits (grumpy old men even)........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................and the ladies love us!
I,m off to have a drink to that.
breezee: In your OP you say: the winner takes it all, the loser's standing small....
I never saw rejection as a case of winners and losers.
If someone cares for / loves you then there's no such thing as rejection
and if they do reject you, then it's because you were never loved by them in the first place...
No losers.... just bad scenario
Problem only arises if you have been led to believe the person cares (imo) 'cause then you have to adjust reality in your head..... CONFUSION hurts more than rejection (again imo)
I never saw rejection as a case of winners and losers.
If someone cares for / loves you then there's no such thing as rejection
and if they do reject you, then it's because you were never loved by them in the first place...
No losers.... just bad scenario
Problem only arises if you have been led to believe the person cares (imo) 'cause then you have to adjust reality in your head..... CONFUSION hurts more than rejection (again imo)
Words of wisdom indeed.Jan1305: What I would say though, is I don't believe rejection necessarily means shortcomings or faults in the rejected.
Why not think more positively - the rejected person may well be too good for the person who chooses to reject them.
Why not think more positively - the rejected person may well be too good for the person who chooses to reject them.
Ditto!
Lionheart1211: Everyone says one should move on and not let rejection get the best of one...how do you feel when someone you care about does not reciprocate but chooses someone else instead of you? Is it OK to feel hurt? Doesn't it make one feel small? The winner takes it all...the loser standing small
Lionheart, I think throughout the entire dating cycle of ones life, everyone will at one point in time experience what you have, ie be in a relationship and be dumped, or be attracted to someone and find out that they dont feel the same, or develop feelings for a person beyond what the other is feeling. At the same time you will find that if you go back in time you have also inflicted these scenarios on others ie someone had been attracted to you and you did not feel the same and so on. I believe one has to accept it all as part of the dating cycle. It can be hard basically becuase we make the mistake of believing that rejection is a reflection of our worth and therefore it attacks our self esteem to start with. This is a big mistake not attracting another.....or not being attracted to another has nothing to do with your inner worth and more to do with accepting that for whatever reason; physical, emotional, mental, distance and so on the two of you did not get on. THe best thing to do in life for ones owns sake, for ones own spiritual and emotional developement is to let the person go and wish them the best. Look at it this way would you ever wish to have a person around who does not wish to be there. At the same time have faith that a person who is right for you will come along
have a nice day.....ghost007: Lionheart, I think throughout the entire dating cycle of ones life, everyone will at one point in time experience what you have, ie be in a relationship and be dumped, or be attracted to someone and find out that they dont feel the same, or develop feelings for a person beyond what the other is feeling. At the same time you will find that if you go back in time you have also inflicted these scenarios on others ie someone had been attracted to you and you did not feel the same and so on. I believe one has to accept it all as part of the dating cycle. It can be hard basically becuase we make the mistake of believing that rejection is a reflection of our worth and therefore it attacks our self esteem to start with. This is a big mistake not attracting another.....or not being attracted to another has nothing to do with your inner worth and more to do with accepting that for whatever reason; physical, emotional, mental, distance and so on the two of you did not get on. THe best thing to do in life for ones owns sake, for ones own spiritual and emotional developement is to let the person go and wish them the best. Look at it this way would you ever wish to have a person around who does not wish to be there. At the same time have faith that a person who is right for you will come along have a nice day.....
Hi Ghost. Once a person decides to go, you have no choice...so the question of letting them go does not arise. You simply have no say in it. It may not have anything to do with inner worth, but the fact that one has been made to feel second best by being dumped for someone else does impact one's inner worth. Especially if one has been led on. It is human nature. I do not believe it when people act nonchalant and keep repeating the cliche that it is best to let them go and wish them luck. Not after they would have dashed your faith in people. It stays with you, believe me, and it doesn't let you move on...Have a pleasant eveningLionheart1211: Hi Ghost. Once a person decides to go, you have no choice...so the question of letting them go does not arise. You simply have no say in it. It may not have anything to do with inner worth, but the fact that one has been made to feel second best by being dumped for someone else does impact one's inner worth. Especially if one has been led on. It is human nature. I do not believe it when people act nonchalant and keep repeating the cliche that it is best to let them go and wish them luck. Not after they would have dashed your faith in people. It stays with you, believe me, and it doesn't let you move on...Have a pleasant evening
The thing is LionHeart, that you are saying the words yourself that explain WHY it's best to "let them go" and WHY it shouldn't impact on your self-worth ... And I think this has been touched on by other posters ...
Why it's best to let them go?
Because they are NOT good enough for you!
Why are they not good enough for you?
Because they are NOT HONEST - with themselves and with you. You thought they were perfect and you liked them BUT now you have discovered that in fact, they have a character flaw which will play havoc with your mind if you stay in volved with them. So which were you "falling in love with"? The real them OR the illusion/idea you had of what they were like?
Why would be upset about "losing" someone that didn't really exist as you PERCEIVED them - or better said as they PROJECTED themselves to you - and worse still someone who you don't even like the actions of?
Why souldn't it impact on your self-worth?
Because you ARE still who you WERE when you first started getting involved. Your worth is still the same as back then. The one who has proven to not be "worth" as much as you thought is the other person, the one who lead you on to believe they were someone THEY ARE NOT.
FlowerOfTheSun: The thing is LionHeart, that you are saying the words yourself that explain WHY it's best to "let them go" and WHY it shouldn't impact on your self-worth ... And I think this has been touched on by other posters ...
Why it's best to let them go?
Because they are NOT good enough for you!
Why are they not good enough for you?
Because they are NOT HONEST - with themselves and with you. You thought they were perfect and you liked them BUT now you have discovered that in fact, they have a character flaw which will play havoc with your mind if you stay in volved with them. So which were you "falling in love with"? The real them OR the illusion/idea you had of what they were like?
Why would be upset about "losing" someone that didn't really exist as you PERCEIVED them - or better said as they PROJECTED themselves to you - and worse still someone who you don't even like the actions of?
Why souldn't it impact on your self-worth?
Because you ARE still who you WERE when you first started getting involved. Your worth is still the same as back then. The one who has proven to not be "worth" as much as you thought is the other person, the one who lead you on to believe they were someone THEY ARE NOT.
Why it's best to let them go?
Because they are NOT good enough for you!
Why are they not good enough for you?
Because they are NOT HONEST - with themselves and with you. You thought they were perfect and you liked them BUT now you have discovered that in fact, they have a character flaw which will play havoc with your mind if you stay in volved with them. So which were you "falling in love with"? The real them OR the illusion/idea you had of what they were like?
Why would be upset about "losing" someone that didn't really exist as you PERCEIVED them - or better said as they PROJECTED themselves to you - and worse still someone who you don't even like the actions of?
Why souldn't it impact on your self-worth?
Because you ARE still who you WERE when you first started getting involved. Your worth is still the same as back then. The one who has proven to not be "worth" as much as you thought is the other person, the one who lead you on to believe they were someone THEY ARE NOT.
FoTS - like, are you saying..you're still the same woman you wuz b4?
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