Multiple Marriage - (21)

I am fascinated by divorced people who want to get married again. It surprises me to be honest. I mean the marriage vows are quite clear - 'till dead do us part' surely after divorce a person would have real trouble repeating these lines all over again, surely its more well ' i do take you, as long as it works out and we survive together till death. If you were getting insurance or a bank loan they would penalise you heavily for the lack of success first time round. Now don't get me wrong i am not against divorce or suggesting that people stay in loveless marriages. I am just surprised that people still keen to give it another go.

What is the big fascination with marriage. Even the most incurable romantic must have a problem utterring the ' death do us part' line twice.

I am surprised that people need the marriage certificate - i see marriage as a place to protect the rights of children. Multiple marriages seem a bit pointless to me.

I am interested to hear peoples views on this????

Yeah well.....once upon a time, people married for life, and stuck together thru thick and thin, basically because they had to......today nobody really has to, there are always other alternatives....but I still think it is rather impressive when people can make that sort of commitment and stick to it....takes guts, resolve, and work. But the results are worth it, in my opinion. My parents have been together all their lives, and would die without one another, and probably will....

In my case it was a triumph of romantic optimism over past reality. To be honest all marriages seem a bit pointless to me. It,s just an excuse for a very expensive piss up and for a woman to be the centre of attention, queen for a day.

I tell my daughters to get married as soon as they can and my son never in his life. Marriages are not to protect the children so much as to fleece the man (in my humble opinion).

I am fascinated by divorced people who want to get married again. It surprises me to be honest. I mean the marriage vows are quite clear - 'till dead do us part' surely after divorce a person would have real trouble repeating these lines all over again, surely its more well ' i do take you, as long as it works out and we survive together till death. If you were getting insurance or a bank loan they would penalise you heavily for the lack of success first time round. Now don't get me wrong i am not against divorce or suggesting that people stay in loveless marriages. I am just surprised that people still keen to give it another go.

Let me start from the words "till death do us part".
A very beautiful statement, but flawed from the start, because people change with time. life is like circumstances and politics....they may be good at any one time, but flawed or irrelevant a few years later.
So promising "till death do us part" is making a promise into an unknown future, which if said, may not be kept.

I made that promise, and held it for 34 years, till death did us part.
After that experience, I am definitely not prepared to make such a promise ever again!!

Regarding people who have just seperated or divorced and go ahead and say that again, I can only say one thing....they are people who never learn from their mistakes, and repeat their mistakes over and over again. they are the people run over by emotion, but by no sense of reasoning or logic.
They look ahead, but never back, to see the devatation that they have left behind, in their life and in the life of those who have crossed their path and their lives.

Yes, happiness can be found without resorting to such promises or marriage.
In fact I believe that when love holds two people together, instead of a piece of paper, that love is purer and stronger.

You have started an interesting thread here. I think the issue can be divided into two parts, firstly whether, following divorce, you want to get married again - as in go through a ceremony and say vows and stuff -and secondly, whether you want to ever open up and make the same level of commitment again. While for me these two aspects are seperate, they are clearly connected, and for a while the answer to both questions was, 'definitely not'.

I made a solemn oath to stay with a woman for the rest of my life and I failed in that pledge. I know you're not judging, but perhaps you're not understanding the whole matter either - not through malice, just because it's outside your experience. For a while I, like most people who divorce, suffered a level of pain that few people that haven't been divorced can really understand. It's a pain that I wouldn't want to go through again. How do I know it'll be different next time? I don't. There is just something inside me that wants a successful relationship, and, on balance, this desire is stronger than any regard for pain I might subject myself to. I agree with you, what difference does it make if it's through the church?

Whether people hold the church as an institution with any regard isn't as important an issue for me personally as whether they want to make a commitment for life and to only one person. I personally do, not for religious reasons but because it's the only way that makes sense any to me.

You ask whether people shouldn't perhaps change their vows. What do you mean by this? For me, the mouth can say what it wants. The important thing is what the heart says.

At the moment i seem to be sorrounded by people who are getting divorced and have probably spent alot of time talking about marriage these days. secondly - My parents who are together 37years this year have put me off marriage for life. As my father says - ' i was happily married but my wife wasn't'. My parents my have stayed together, but there was a hell of alot of arguing & i know that I had to grow up way before my time and held my family together more than my parents did, i was a confident to both of them. Its very hard when you love two people dearly to have to mediate, my mother should never have married and seemed bitterly disappointed that my father was and always wil be the man she married. I know their marriage took its toil on myself & my brother. I am the only one who gets on with everyone and there is only peace in the house when i am around, i am like a judge and am the only person who can manage my mother. It takes it toil and my even reasonable temper can be tested alot of the time. Growing up I felt that marriage was impossible to break for my mother, my father is a fantastic man, very reliable, funny, loving - but not really able for my mother, she is very inteligent and capable but lacked the courage to persue her dreams, now i am older i think that marriage was an excuse, courage was her problem. I have spoken with her many times, told her not to dare blame us her family for holding her back. We would have survived and supported even her more extreeme choices. My dad brought us up more than she did. Her voice was the one that told us all we were not good enough. My mother is quite confused as you can see. We forgive and love her dearly all the same.

I have met so many people who have divorced for so many reasons, many of them justified. Many people got married for the wrong reasons, everything from, to move out of the family home and in the 50s the only way for a woman to do this was marry - to being devasted after the death of his mother and marrying a woman that was kind to him when he was going through terrible grief. Other people are too young and as their character developes they change dramatically and just move apart from their spouse. In many ways i also see that one person may have wanted to stay with the marriage to work at it and give it a try and so in so many ways tried to stay commited to the vows, but had an unwilling other half. Its complicated to the extreeme.

Thanks to all for contributing and helping me understand, something that as Guiriman said this issue in ways, because i have never married 'is outside my experience'

I am in no way saying that people did not mean, or would not mean again the vows they would take, i am wondering how taking it on the second time around impact on them, at the alter they would surely be thinking of the previous time, how well intended they had been at that time too.

Yes, happiness can be found without resorting to such promises or marriage.
In fact I believe that when love holds two people together, instead of a piece of paper, that love is purer and stronger.
This probably is in line with my own beliefs - in life I have met many people & the sad reality if they were to be honest is that the most romantic, love filled moments were often not with the people they married. Marriage for many becomes a very comfortable zone, with solid qualities but lacking in the romance & passion we associate with true love. Oscar wilde said -' marriage is a disease curable only by marriage' Marriage gives some people the security to really misbehave, like an ownership title over their partner. Its an area rich with emotion and experience if you can find people who will be truly honest about their experiences. No two experiences are the same.


Rusty you really should behave - the way you attack people is colourful & dramatic but at times is way below the belt - but thats who you are & people seem well able to handle it. its amusing really!!!

would love to know why this was posted under jokes and humour?

Wow!!...Sungod...how eloquent!!....without replying to the content of your post, may I say how well-written it is!!....I'll post something later addressing the subject, but in the meantime allow me to commend your eloquence....