True to oneself/self sabotage (69)
I dunno, i think i try to really peacmake whatever i do, and sometime's it gets me into trouble, but as for self sabotagin myself, i only do that when im on the bottle...
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Ocee35: Most of us have little personality traits, quirks, behaviors, whatever you want to call them,
that we know alienate or otherwise push some people away from us.Is there a line between saying "I'm not about to start changing to try to please everyone", and plain old self sabotage?
If so where is that line, or is it just a big gray area between the two?
that we know alienate or otherwise push some people away from us.Is there a line between saying "I'm not about to start changing to try to please everyone", and plain old self sabotage?
If so where is that line, or is it just a big gray area between the two?
If anyone has a problem with who or what they perceive me to be, then they have a perception problem.....
If that keeps them from getting close or knowing me , then they lose out... Who wants someone close to them who wants to change them into something else? It just makes for fights about who they want you to be. No acceptance there. We are who we are.......
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We can never please everyone. There are times when my little quirks make me so upset I don't even like being around me. I believe if we are honest with people there should be no line. One thing is to love ourselves and except that we are all unique individuals.
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brokenspirit: We can never please everyone. There are times when my little quirks make me so upset I don't even like being around me. I believe if we are honest with people there should be no line. One thing is to love ourselves and except that we are all unique individuals.
Agreed.
I'd add to that, that telling people we are less than we really are, is only lying to fit in, or having false modesty to please people, and that is something I'd never do.
If I'm good at something I say so. If a person doesn't like it then they have a problem with their own self esteem.
Self sabotaging is a horrible thing to do to oneself. People never really get to know you that way.
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Lying about the bad stuff is one thing.
Lying about the good stuff, how stupid is that????
Lying about the good stuff, how stupid is that????
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You are so right gingerb. Why try to put on a false facade? Eventually people will find the real you. Being true to ourself will help us to be true to those we come in contact with.
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brokenspirit: You are so right gingerb. Why try to put on a false facade? Eventually people will find the real you. Being true to ourself will help us to be true to those we come in contact with.
Only way anyone gets to like us is to see us warts and all even if those warts are really beauty spots.......
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Thanks for the input so far, I agree...trying to please everyone is a foolish pursuit.
I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being.
Just to be clear...
This is an question that I ask for my own benefit,
and is not an attempt to point anything out to anyone else,
nor is it a thinly veiled accusation formed as a question.
I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being.
Just to be clear...
This is an question that I ask for my own benefit,
and is not an attempt to point anything out to anyone else,
nor is it a thinly veiled accusation formed as a question.
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Ocee35: Thanks for the input so far, I agree...trying to please everyone is a foolish pursuit.
I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being. Just to be clear...
This is an question that I ask for my own benefit,
and is not an attempt to point anything out to anyone else,
nor is it a thinly veiled accusation formed as a question.
I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being. Just to be clear...
This is an question that I ask for my own benefit,
and is not an attempt to point anything out to anyone else,
nor is it a thinly veiled accusation formed as a question.
Curiousity is good!!!
It's the line between truth and lies, to the self or others.
It's the line where we break trust with ourselves or others.
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Ocee35: Thanks for the input so far, I agree...trying to please everyone is a foolish pursuit.
I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being. Just to be clear...
This is an question that I ask for my own benefit,
and is not an attempt to point anything out to anyone else,
nor is it a thinly veiled accusation formed as a question.
I know that bro, i think everyone does, your a helluva guy ocee...im serious when i say that too...I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being. Just to be clear...
This is an question that I ask for my own benefit,
and is not an attempt to point anything out to anyone else,
nor is it a thinly veiled accusation formed as a question.
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Ocee35: Most of us have little personality traits, quirks, behaviors, whatever you want to call them,
that we know alienate or otherwise push some people away from us.Is there a line between saying "I'm not about to start changing to try to please everyone", and plain old self sabotage?
If so where is that line, or is it just a big gray area between the two?
that we know alienate or otherwise push some people away from us.Is there a line between saying "I'm not about to start changing to try to please everyone", and plain old self sabotage?
If so where is that line, or is it just a big gray area between the two?
Ornery plain and simple..............
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I did a good post on this and then lost it...so guess it wasn't meant to be...
Self sabotage = fear and the thought that we don't deserve love etc. either consciously or unconsciously
Self love = getting to a place within ourselves where we are happy and content with who we are
It's not dealing with the crap that we have picked up through the years that leads to self-sabotage and sometimes when we are in this place we see people pleasing as a way to get people to accept us...however the fact still remains we are unhappy within ourselves....this unhappiness leads to self-fulfilling prophesies that show us we didn't deserve to be loved in the first place...and the cycle continues!!!!!!
When we get to a place of happiness within ourselves it is because we have cleaned up all the dirt that serves to poison our minds against our true selves and we emerge as a person we love and respect...and have by this time learned that people pleasing and being accepted by others is a temporary band-aid for what we really need to do which is love and accept ourselves!!!!!!!!!
Changes for others in no way equals the gains of changes for ourselves!!!!!!!!
Self sabotage = fear and the thought that we don't deserve love etc. either consciously or unconsciously
Self love = getting to a place within ourselves where we are happy and content with who we are
It's not dealing with the crap that we have picked up through the years that leads to self-sabotage and sometimes when we are in this place we see people pleasing as a way to get people to accept us...however the fact still remains we are unhappy within ourselves....this unhappiness leads to self-fulfilling prophesies that show us we didn't deserve to be loved in the first place...and the cycle continues!!!!!!
When we get to a place of happiness within ourselves it is because we have cleaned up all the dirt that serves to poison our minds against our true selves and we emerge as a person we love and respect...and have by this time learned that people pleasing and being accepted by others is a temporary band-aid for what we really need to do which is love and accept ourselves!!!!!!!!!
Changes for others in no way equals the gains of changes for ourselves!!!!!!!!
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gingerb: Lying about the bad stuff is one thing.
Lying about the good stuff, how stupid is that????
Lying about the good stuff, how stupid is that????
In response to: Lying about the good stuff, how stupid is that????
Isn't that called HUMILITY these days?
Like the Fellow,who was so humble,he was given the Humility Award of the Year.
So he went and wore that Teeny Weenzy little Pin on his Lapel.
They stripped him of his Reward
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I'm just wondering where a healthy sense of self crosses the line to being rigid to extent of being detrimental to our own well being.quote]
Good to see you back.
I think the difference between having a healthy sense of self and being rigid is the willingness and ability to look at ourselves and admit our faults as well as being willing to change and grow within ourselves.
Good to see you back.
I think the difference between having a healthy sense of self and being rigid is the willingness and ability to look at ourselves and admit our faults as well as being willing to change and grow within ourselves.
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gingerb: If anyone has a problem with who or what they perceive me to be, then they have a perception problem.....
If that keeps them from getting close or knowing me , then they lose out... Who wants someone close to them who wants to change them into something else? It just makes for fights about who they want you to be. No acceptance there. We are who we are.......
If that keeps them from getting close or knowing me , then they lose out... Who wants someone close to them who wants to change them into something else? It just makes for fights about who they want you to be. No acceptance there. We are who we are.......
I could not agree better. Thats what love is. ACCEPTING the other as they are!
Hope you are having a great day ginger.
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What is negative to one person, may in fact be what attracts another.
I'm a creative genius, but there is a thin line between genius and insanity. I don't create to please others (with the exception of one particular beautiful red-head), so it doesn't matter to me if people think that I'm a genius or a lunatic. As one person above said, that is a perception problem, not a personality disorder.
What if you set out to sabotage yourself, and it backfired, and you end up getting dragged kicking and screaming to your happiness?
How would you feel about yourself? Can't even lose for losing, eh?
I'm a creative genius, but there is a thin line between genius and insanity. I don't create to please others (with the exception of one particular beautiful red-head), so it doesn't matter to me if people think that I'm a genius or a lunatic. As one person above said, that is a perception problem, not a personality disorder.
What if you set out to sabotage yourself, and it backfired, and you end up getting dragged kicking and screaming to your happiness?
How would you feel about yourself? Can't even lose for losing, eh?
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Ennaille: I could not agree better. Thats what love is. ACCEPTING the other as they are! Hope you are having a great day ginger.
You too Hugs
This is my big shovel day , trying to shift out as much bulls@it as possible......
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hmm .. I cant change to be accepted. ( both positive and negative )Any step of that sort needs approval from within for me.
But i would consider myself pretty amicable as i care not to offend people usually unless really provoked or blunt honesty is the need. So never needed or wanted to please everyone ..
hmm ... As for changing for someone .. if it means someone special .. i guess it goes 2 way if u want to work out a relationship. I would see myself thro' a phase of mutual understanding and compromise ..
so .. nope not adamant.
But i would consider myself pretty amicable as i care not to offend people usually unless really provoked or blunt honesty is the need. So never needed or wanted to please everyone ..
hmm ... As for changing for someone .. if it means someone special .. i guess it goes 2 way if u want to work out a relationship. I would see myself thro' a phase of mutual understanding and compromise ..
so .. nope not adamant.
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Some nice food for thought here... thanks.
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that we know alienate or otherwise push some people away from us.
Is there a line between saying "I'm not about to start changing to try to please everyone", and plain old self sabotage?
If so where is that line, or is it just a big gray area between the two?