Dating 101: Debunking the Scarcity Myth ( Archived) (12)

If any of these excuses sound familiar, you shouldn't give up on your search for love. You just need to rethink your attachment to the scarcity myth that singles suffer from. How? Participate in the following fun three-week experiment. All you need is an open mind, a few spare minutes each day, and a desire to change your dating karma.

Week #1:
Start by making eye contact with someone you find attractive (who you don't know) every day for a week. You can do this in the elevator in your office building, while picking out produce at the grocery store, in line for your morning latte, or in a social setting (bar, party, picnic, etc.). It's not important where you do this exercise, only that you start getting comfortable making eye contact with potential partners.

Week #2:
The following week, make eye contact and smile at at least one person you find attractive every day. Chances are good that you'll get a smile back. It doesn't have to go any further than that (don't expect him/her to ask for your digits). This is simply an exercise in getting comfortable engaging potential partners. Short on time? Suggested locations to smile and make eye contact on the go include the gym, while stuck in traffic, picking up your dry cleaning, or while grabbing a quick bite out of the office.

Week #3:
During the third week of this exercise, make eye contact, smile, and make small talk with at least one person you find attractive every day. If the idea of small talk gets you tongue-tied, relax. Start simply and slowly. Remember, this doesn't have to be rocket science. You don't have to think of the wittiest conversation-starter ever. The goal is to just get the ball rolling. Potential conversation-starters can be as simple as:
# Hi. (Seriously, that counts!)
# How's your day going?
# I dig your shoes/tie/suit/dress. Where'd you get them/it?
Once you've opened up the conversation, don't look away. Maintain eye contact, smile, and wait for his/her response.
If it invites additional conversation, great!
If not, your job for the day is done and you can move on.
If for some reason, the object of your attention is rude or dismissive, don't take it personally.
“Rejection is part of the dating process.”

Rejection is part of the dating process. Chalk it up to experience, let go, and try again tomorrow.
The point of this exercise is to debunk the scarcity myth by showing yourself that there's actually an abundance of potential partners in your everyday life. They may not always be interested, they may not always be available, but by getting into the practice of noticing and acknowledging them, you're more likely to spot the ones who are interested and available when they present themselves to you.

Now, if your routine goes something like this: home, work, gym, home, then you've got to shake things up. At least once a week from now on, break with routine and put yourself in a target-rich environment. Suggested activities include:

1. Stop by the bookstore after work and browse a topic of interest while keeping your eye out for any cuties.

2. You can also recruit your pals for an after work drink at a local hotspot. In addition to hanging with your buddies, scope out the scene for potential partners.

3. Do some research for a fun singles' activity, i.e. online dating, speed dating, a networking mixer, or Sierra Club hike and go for it. Find a cause near and dear to your heart and volunteer on a Saturday or Sunday. You never know who you'll meet!

These are just some of the suggested activities you should engage in. Remember, the goal is not necessarily to score a date, but to get you out of your monotonous routine that may be keeping you from meeting potential partners. The more you put yourself in target-rich environments and get comfortable talking to strangers, the better.

Good luck and happy dating!

bump

Saturday night I went to a BBQ/get together/fellowship (you know the kind MF ). Lots of people there, several "very attractive" ladies came up, gave me a hug and said "hello Pat"...

Damn I hate this getting old and senile thing.. I do not remember them..

Unfortunately, my day goes even worse than the above...work, home...work, home. I have to let the dogs out after being gone all day, and rarely any more do I go out at night. I got out more when I wasn't working!

There is only one sensible thing to do, STOP working..

No problem, the (possible) new Pres. will take care of you..

yes true flirting takes practice to develop a sense of appropriateness within circumstances

and practice at all social things is a good thing-

flirting isnt dirty




have a lovely day everyone

and HJ-thats why cool old guys call all the chicks babe or sweetness

they feel special and have no idea you dont know their name

or did you forget that trick??

Ah, if only I was the type to take advantage.

The other sensible thing to do is the one I just did...send a man a flower, and email with him if he responds. This just led to agreeing to a date.

See, I've worked in sales....I don't need practice flirting, I need to be open to dating.

Smart idea.