Is it better to be loved or to love ???? :) (160)
guiriman: sure as hell aint no good lovin if you aint loved back. some people settle for that thinking they aint worth more...it's not true..everyone deserves love and respect..jmho.
Being loved back is something always outside of your control.
Expectations of being loved back are full of disappointment and sorrow most of the time, because human nature being what it is, other people rarely live up to our expectations of them.
Needing to be loved perpetuates that need too...... so we become needy people, and often not good company.
I dont think it has to do with thinking that they are not worth it.........
X_REBEL: Well ok maybe i'm not too bad...some people on this thread just need to express themselves "better" then...
Yes the normal/average person will probably tell you straight away how he/she feels about the question posed. Deeper thinking people will need hours/days...as for me...i have already thought about this question some time ago...hench the quick response...
Yes the normal/average person will probably tell you straight away how he/she feels about the question posed. Deeper thinking people will need hours/days...as for me...i have already thought about this question some time ago...hench the quick response...
You are right and as a deep thinker, I am thinking about my response.
may I put my bit here??
I think we all want to be loved back, even by our children for whose love we have no right!! If you love an unreachable dream then ok, don't ecpect love back, but id you love a real person, you would want that person to respond..in real ways to show that they love you.
Having said that, the moment you love each other, there are expectaions on both sides, which in itself might choke love somehow.
How about that for amateur psychology!!?? or is it philosophy??
I think we all want to be loved back, even by our children for whose love we have no right!! If you love an unreachable dream then ok, don't ecpect love back, but id you love a real person, you would want that person to respond..in real ways to show that they love you.
Having said that, the moment you love each other, there are expectaions on both sides, which in itself might choke love somehow.
How about that for amateur psychology!!?? or is it philosophy??
gingerb: Being loved back is something always outside of your control.
Expectations of being loved back are full of disappointment and sorrow most of the time, because human nature being what it is, other people rarely live up to our expectations of them.
Needing to be loved perpetuates that need too...... so we become needy people, and often not good company.
I dont think it has to do with thinking that they are not worth it.........
Expectations of being loved back are full of disappointment and sorrow most of the time, because human nature being what it is, other people rarely live up to our expectations of them.
Needing to be loved perpetuates that need too...... so we become needy people, and often not good company.
I dont think it has to do with thinking that they are not worth it.........
what about the lady whose husband spends his money, the little he doesn't squander down the bookies, on booze down the local every night? the one who cares for his kids, puts his dinner on the table and takes his crap when he finally gets home....
hello everybody.
interesting question.
imo, ideally a balanced situation, but since the original OP requested either the one or the other, imo it is better to love than be loved. real loving is UNSELFISH, so technically by really loving someone, you must not expect their loving you in return. ofcourse (again) the ideal is love and be loved with the same intensity - but in reality how many individuals here can think of anybody in rl in this intensive loving and reciprocated situation. probably less the number of fingers on one hand.
which, while not wanting to hijack this thread, would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : what is better - to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all. (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
love you all
interesting question.
imo, ideally a balanced situation, but since the original OP requested either the one or the other, imo it is better to love than be loved. real loving is UNSELFISH, so technically by really loving someone, you must not expect their loving you in return. ofcourse (again) the ideal is love and be loved with the same intensity - but in reality how many individuals here can think of anybody in rl in this intensive loving and reciprocated situation. probably less the number of fingers on one hand.
which, while not wanting to hijack this thread, would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : what is better - to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all. (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
love you all
virgosign: hello everybody.
interesting question.
imo, ideally a balanced situation, but since the original OP requested either the one or the other, imo it is better to love than be loved. real loving is UNSELFISH, so technically by really loving someone, you must not expect their loving you in return. ofcourse (again) the ideal is love and be loved with the same intensity - but in reality how many individuals here can think of anybody in rl in this intensive loving and reciprocated situation. probably less the number of fingers on one hand.
which, while not wanting to hijack this thread, would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : what is better - to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all. (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
love you all
interesting question.
imo, ideally a balanced situation, but since the original OP requested either the one or the other, imo it is better to love than be loved. real loving is UNSELFISH, so technically by really loving someone, you must not expect their loving you in return. ofcourse (again) the ideal is love and be loved with the same intensity - but in reality how many individuals here can think of anybody in rl in this intensive loving and reciprocated situation. probably less the number of fingers on one hand.
which, while not wanting to hijack this thread, would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : what is better - to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all. (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
love you all
I will come back to this later.
But I did want to say hi Virgo, hope you are well...
guiriman: what about the lady whose husband spends his money, the little he doesn't squander down the bookies, on booze down the local every night? the one who cares for his kids, puts his dinner on the table and takes his crap when he finally gets home....
It's all about choices. I say this over and over in threads, but no one seems to get it.
We choose whom we love and whom we live with.
Anyone living in what seems like a bad relationship, does it because there is a payoff for them, even if that payoff is in putting down another person who is not as apparantly good as them. Or it can be because of co-dependancy, ie: he/she needs me.....
It's just all crap people tell themselves to justify the situation they are in, but really it is just bad choice-making abilities and no one to blame but themselves.
We are capable of loving everyone but if their behaviour is detrimental to us physically, emotionally, psychologically or threatens the quality of life we, or our kids have, (ie:respect, decency, and love), then common sense tells us to get the hell out, and that we deserve better, so we make that choice.
The partner who is doing something wrong, obviously made their own life choice too, to be selfish, and their payoff is rejection.
Doesn't mean you can't find things to love about them.......you just don't choose to live with them.
would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : what is better - to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all. (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
No contest here ......better to have loved and lost
No contest here ......better to have loved and lost
virgosign: hello everybody.
interesting question.
imo, ideally a balanced situation, but since the original OP requested either the one or the other, imo it is better to love than be loved. real loving is UNSELFISH, so technically by really loving someone, you must not expect their loving you in return. ofcourse (again) the ideal is love and be loved with the same intensity - but in reality how many individuals here can think of anybody in rl in this intensive loving and reciprocated situation. probably less the number of fingers on one hand.
which, while not wanting to hijack this thread, would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
love you all
interesting question.
imo, ideally a balanced situation, but since the original OP requested either the one or the other, imo it is better to love than be loved. real loving is UNSELFISH, so technically by really loving someone, you must not expect their loving you in return. ofcourse (again) the ideal is love and be loved with the same intensity - but in reality how many individuals here can think of anybody in rl in this intensive loving and reciprocated situation. probably less the number of fingers on one hand.
which, while not wanting to hijack this thread, would lead me to ask the other million dollar question : (this was a subject which was started in a thread some time back but ended up witty witty and no real conclusions.)
love you all
It is always better to have loved, whether we are rejected or not, because we don't love for the sake of other people, but for ourselves, to know we did the best we could, to have no self recriminations, to be at peace inside.....
Sommerauer71: I will come back to this later.
But I did want to say hi Virgo, hope you are well...
But I did want to say hi Virgo, hope you are well...
hi sommer.
as well as can be expected thank you, although given a beautiful sunday afternoon here in malta, yet sitting at a keyboard - not so sure of anything anymore i guess.
hi ginger.
re choices ... it's matter of the heart isn't it. and really and truly who can control the emotions of the heart. just as an example, how many wo/men actually do stay in a bad relationship and cover up for the autrocities they suffer from their partner. food for thought . . .
virgosign: hi sommer.
as well as can be expected thank you, although given a beautiful sunday afternoon here in malta, yet sitting at a keyboard - not so sure of anything anymore i guess.
hi ginger.
re choices ... it's matter of the heart isn't it. and really and truly who can control the emotions of the heart. just as an example, how many wo/men actually do stay in a bad relationship and cover up for the autrocities they suffer from their partner. food for thought . . .
as well as can be expected thank you, although given a beautiful sunday afternoon here in malta, yet sitting at a keyboard - not so sure of anything anymore i guess.
hi ginger.
re choices ... it's matter of the heart isn't it. and really and truly who can control the emotions of the heart. just as an example, how many wo/men actually do stay in a bad relationship and cover up for the autrocities they suffer from their partner. food for thought . . .
It happens. That is true. Maybe people don't understand or look deeper than the little cocoon they build for themselves, in their very little world.
Everyone has the power to change anything about their lives that they don't like. If they choose not to do that, then it is for reasons that are more important to them than their happiness is....
We can't offer happiness or love to other people if we dont nurture it within ourselves.
thopkins: may I put my bit here??
I think we all want to be loved back, even by our children for whose love we have no right!! If you love an unreachable dream then ok, don't ecpect love back, but if you love a real person, you would want that person to respond..in real ways to show that they love you. This is an unreal expectation. We can neither control , nor are we responsible for other people's feelings..........
Having said that, the moment you love each other, there are expectaions on both sides, which in itself might choke love somehow. This is true. Expectations always choke love and any other positive feeling..
How about that for amateur psychology!!?? or is it philosophy??
I think we all want to be loved back, even by our children for whose love we have no right!! If you love an unreachable dream then ok, don't ecpect love back, but if you love a real person, you would want that person to respond..in real ways to show that they love you. This is an unreal expectation. We can neither control , nor are we responsible for other people's feelings..........
Having said that, the moment you love each other, there are expectaions on both sides, which in itself might choke love somehow. This is true. Expectations always choke love and any other positive feeling..
How about that for amateur psychology!!?? or is it philosophy??
It was a good effort at philosophy....
gingerb: It happens. That is true. Maybe people don't understand or look deeper than the little cocoon they build for themselves, in their very little world.
Everyone has the power to change anything about their lives that they don't like. If they choose not to do that, then it is for reasons that are more important to them than their happiness is....
We can't offer happiness or love to other people if we dont nurture it within ourselves.
Everyone has the power to change anything about their lives that they don't like. If they choose not to do that, then it is for reasons that are more important to them than their happiness is....
We can't offer happiness or love to other people if we dont nurture it within ourselves.
but dear ginger,
my point is that - in matters of the heart, usually one cannot rationalise. i think that's why the expression is 'you fall in love'.
fall = it cannot be helped no ?
virgosign: hi sommer.
as well as can be expected thank you, although given a beautiful sunday afternoon here in malta, yet sitting at a keyboard - not so sure of anything anymore i guess.
hi ginger.
re choices ... it's matter of the heart isn't it. and really and truly who can control the emotions of the heart. just as an example, how many wo/men actually do stay in a bad relationship and cover up for the autrocities they suffer from their partner. food for thought . . .
as well as can be expected thank you, although given a beautiful sunday afternoon here in malta, yet sitting at a keyboard - not so sure of anything anymore i guess.
hi ginger.
re choices ... it's matter of the heart isn't it. and really and truly who can control the emotions of the heart. just as an example, how many wo/men actually do stay in a bad relationship and cover up for the autrocities they suffer from their partner. food for thought . . .
exactly, and I think it has much to do with the person believing it is his/her duty to love without expecting love in return. thinking to him or herself 'it is my fault, I made the choice and now I should live with it'. just like the old saying 'you made your bed, now lay on it'. what a horrible, ugly, uncaring saying that is.
I agree wholeheartedly with the earlier poster who stated that it is about choice. But it's easy for me to agree because, fortunately, I have never been in a position where the luxury of choice has been blocked from me.
virgosign: but dear ginger,
my point is that - in matters of the heart, usually one cannot rationalise. i think that's why the expression is 'you fall in love'.
fall = it cannot be helped no ?
my point is that - in matters of the heart, usually one cannot rationalise. i think that's why the expression is 'you fall in love'.
fall = it cannot be helped no ?
That is a misnomer or misconception. We choose whom we want to target when finding love in a partner. Everyone has different preferences. They choose based on looks, fortune, position, kind disposition, background, a smile, whatever...depending on your needs at a particular time. There is always another category.
Base line is, that you put yourself in the way of wanting love from a particular kind of person in a particular way.
Love doesn't choose you. You choose where you find it, and then think and feel your way into it, believing your own scenario as to what it is.
People only say love is blind because they can't live with the fact they made the wrong choice..........Its people who are blind.
hi giuri,
i think we are on the same plane but looking at it from different angles. i agree with your post if i was seeing things from your angle, but from where i stand, i reiterate that really 'falling in love' with somebody puts one in a position where they probably cannot rationalise the situation and therefore there is no choice to be made.
don't we know cases where people in a decent and happy marriage/relationship still fall for a third person with the inevitable disastrous (for all concerned) result . . . .
i think we are on the same plane but looking at it from different angles. i agree with your post if i was seeing things from your angle, but from where i stand, i reiterate that really 'falling in love' with somebody puts one in a position where they probably cannot rationalise the situation and therefore there is no choice to be made.
don't we know cases where people in a decent and happy marriage/relationship still fall for a third person with the inevitable disastrous (for all concerned) result . . . .
Here`s what I think/believe ........ Better to love - To have the capability to love. Because then you are happy. Simply because Love is undemanding, unselfish, patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.....
So ...... to love like that ... whatever happens .....you cannot be hurt yourself, and you cannot hurt others.
That is the ideal.
To be loved by others? Well that just makes us love them back - who can resist anyone loving them? One of the reasons we melt when a baby smiles at us - is because we know they smiling because they feel like it by looking at us?
So ...... to love like that ... whatever happens .....you cannot be hurt yourself, and you cannot hurt others.
That is the ideal.
To be loved by others? Well that just makes us love them back - who can resist anyone loving them? One of the reasons we melt when a baby smiles at us - is because we know they smiling because they feel like it by looking at us?
guiriman: exactly, and I think it has much to do with the person believing it is his/her duty to love without expecting love in return. thinking to him or herself 'it is my fault, I made the choice and now I should live with it'. just like the old saying 'you made your bed, now lay on it'. what a horrible, ugly, uncaring saying that is.
I agree wholeheartedly with the earlier poster who stated that it is about choice. But it's easy for me to agree because, fortunately, I have never been in a position where the luxury of choice has been blocked from me.
I agree wholeheartedly with the earlier poster who stated that it is about choice. But it's easy for me to agree because, fortunately, I have never been in a position where the luxury of choice has been blocked from me.
This is exactly what I was talking about, people believing and thinking to themselves their own scenarios, ........excuses for why they are in a mess. It is often way beyond what a person feels comfortable with, to take responsibility for their own pickle that they got themselves into, or why they stay in it.
But, reality is, it is no one's fault but their own. We are all ultimately only responsible for our own lives and happiness.....
No one makes you do anything. If they did they would be in prison. We all do these things to ourselves. We f@ck up. It might sound calous, but we do make that bed. Thing is, if we can access sommon sense we can get up out of it and move on with a bit of experience we can use later in life......
It's about accountability....
virgosign: hi giuri,
i think we are on the same plane but looking at it from different angles. i agree with your post if i was seeing things from your angle, but from where i stand, i reiterate that really 'falling in love' with somebody puts one in a position where they probably cannot rationalise the situation and therefore there is no choice to be made.
don't we know cases where people in a decent and happy marriage/relationship still fall for a third person with the inevitable disastrous (for all concerned) result . . . .
i think we are on the same plane but looking at it from different angles. i agree with your post if i was seeing things from your angle, but from where i stand, i reiterate that really 'falling in love' with somebody puts one in a position where they probably cannot rationalise the situation and therefore there is no choice to be made.
don't we know cases where people in a decent and happy marriage/relationship still fall for a third person with the inevitable disastrous (for all concerned) result . . . .
hi Virgosign.
yes, I have certainly known marriages fall apart for that reason..not sure if they were decent, happy ones..but who knows?
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why isn't it possible? I would say for most people in a stable relationship, it is the norm?
Maybe depends on your own experience.