Don't be a 'many times' married mum.... (25)
Karma3: The other day my younger daughter was having a chat with me about relationships and she went 'I want you to be happy but I don't want you to be like other moms who marry several times'. I was like 'hold your horses, I'm still not out of the first one yet and have no inclination to enter a second one any time in the distant future'.
Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?
Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?
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I don't think so. I think they just curious about the reasons why the marriage has to end.
Kids look for stability and security just as much as we do.
Kids look for stability and security just as much as we do.
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Yes, I think they do... and I think it creates a lot of insecurity in a child. How many new "dads" or "moms" is a kid supposed to deal with? Look at the turmoil breakups create in an adults life... so much more traumatic in a childs life as they have no control over the situation.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
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jbibiza: Yes, I think they do... and I think it creates a lot of insecurity in a child. How many new "dads" or "moms" is a kid supposed to deal with? Look at the turmoil breakups create in an adults life... so much more traumatic in a childs life as they have no control over the situation.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
So you mean to say that when a wife gets beat by her husband she should put up with it "because of the kids" ?
You mean if one of the parents just up and leave the other should just stay alone with the kids?
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Marseilles: So you mean to say that when a wife gets beat by her husband she should put up with it "because of the kids" ?
You mean if one of the parents just up and leave the other should just stay alone with the kids?
You mean if one of the parents just up and leave the other should just stay alone with the kids?
Absolutely not! There is a big difference between leaving a bad marriage and getting married 3 or 4 times.
I was divorced when my daughter was 2 years old and made the decision not to have relationships while I raised her. I did see the need for her to have good male role models in her life, since her dad wasn´t around... and my dad, 2 brothers and best friend provided that. She also was able to experience successful, loving relationships by being around my family.
I don´t expect all people to make the same choice I did, but they should take their kids into consideration and not expose them to relationship after relationship.
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jbibiza: Absolutely not! There is a big difference between leaving a bad marriage and getting married 3 or 4 times.
I was divorced when my daughter was 2 years old and made the decision not to have relationships while I raised her. I did see the need for her to have good male role models in her life, since her dad wasn´t around... and my dad, 2 brothers and best friend provided that. She also was able to experience successful, loving relationships by being around my family.
I don´t expect all people to make the same choice I did, but they should take their kids into consideration and not expose them to relationship after relationship.
I was divorced when my daughter was 2 years old and made the decision not to have relationships while I raised her. I did see the need for her to have good male role models in her life, since her dad wasn´t around... and my dad, 2 brothers and best friend provided that. She also was able to experience successful, loving relationships by being around my family.
I don´t expect all people to make the same choice I did, but they should take their kids into consideration and not expose them to relationship after relationship.
So you're saying if divorce does happen ( through no fault of one's own ) then one should just stay single until all the kids have grown up?
What do you mean "There is a big difference between leaving a bad marriage and getting married 3 or 4 times." ?? Do people leave a marriage just for the heck of it, casually because they just feel like it or is there usually a problem with one in the couple?
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Marseilles: So you're saying if divorce does happen ( through no fault of one's own ) then one should just stay single until all the kids have grown up?
What do you mean "There is a big difference between leaving a bad marriage and getting married 3 or 4 times." ?? Do people leave a marriage just for the heck of it, casually because they just feel like it or is there usually a problem with one in the couple?
What do you mean "There is a big difference between leaving a bad marriage and getting married 3 or 4 times." ?? Do people leave a marriage just for the heck of it, casually because they just feel like it or is there usually a problem with one in the couple?
I don´t expect all people to make the same choice I did, but they should take their kids into consideration and not expose them to relationship after relationship.
Read what I wrote... in answer to your first question, and yes some people do seem to take marriage lightly.. anyone who would go through 3 or 4 marriages while raising their kids... either takes the issue of marriage quite lightly or makes really bad choices which might be an indicator that they shouldn´t be exposing their kids to those choices.
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Well, with all respect, sometimes it just can't be helped... Do you personally know many people like the ones you're describing?
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Marseilles: Well, with all respect, sometimes it just can't be helped... Do you personally know many people like the ones you're describing?
Once, maybe twice... it can´t be helped.... but we are the adults and have to take responsibilities for our decisions and the effects those decisions have on our children, if we can´t make good relationship choices than maybe we shouldn´t be having relationships while the kids are around.
Not many, but some... and I constantly see people involving their kids in their dating relationships... 2 or 3 dates with someone and they´re introducing the kids into the mixture...
Kids have a tough enough time dealing with their own issues of growing up without being drug through several relationships that their parents choose to have.
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Karma3: The other day my younger daughter was having a chat with me about relationships and she went 'I want you to be happy but I don't want you to be like other moms who marry several times'. I was like 'hold your horses, I'm still not out of the first one yet and have no inclination to enter a second one any time in the distant future'.
Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?
Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?
Obviously as single parents, both male or female, we put our children's best interests first. Sometimes this means not taking another partner on until they have 'left the nest' and other times it is waiting until the children are of an age where they can accept the fact that mum or dad need a friend about the place. I don't hold with the people, and usually women in this case, that just flit about from partner to partner having a child or two with each one.
In my case, I have been single for about 8-9 years now. My youngest is aged 8 and my eldest is 13. They are old enough to see their father out dating and wise enough to see that I am lonely and, in their eyes atleast, deserve to be happy. My children just want that, and if having someone around is going to make me happy, then so are they.
Having said that...as I say in my profile. It is going to take a very particular type of person to fit in with us...and he will most definately have to pass muster with my children. There is no way in hell am I going to bring anyone into this family that I don't completely trust around my children.
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aberfoyle: Obviously as single parents, both male or female, we put our children's best interests first. Sometimes this means not taking another partner on until they have 'left the nest' and other times it is waiting until the children are of an age where they can accept the fact that mum or dad need a friend about the place. I don't hold with the people, and usually women in this case, that just flit about from partner to partner having a child or two with each one.
In my case, I have been single for about 8-9 years now. My youngest is aged 8 and my eldest is 13. They are old enough to see their father out dating and wise enough to see that I am lonely and, in their eyes atleast, deserve to be happy. My children just want that, and if having someone around is going to make me happy, then so are they.
Having said that...as I say in my profile. It is going to take a very particular type of person to fit in with us...and he will most definately have to pass muster with my children. There is no way in hell am I going to bring anyone into this family that I don't completely trust around my children.
In my case, I have been single for about 8-9 years now. My youngest is aged 8 and my eldest is 13. They are old enough to see their father out dating and wise enough to see that I am lonely and, in their eyes atleast, deserve to be happy. My children just want that, and if having someone around is going to make me happy, then so are they.
Having said that...as I say in my profile. It is going to take a very particular type of person to fit in with us...and he will most definately have to pass muster with my children. There is no way in hell am I going to bring anyone into this family that I don't completely trust around my children.
Very well put Aberfoyle - my sentiments EXACTLY.
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Karma3: Very well put Aberfoyle - my sentiments EXACTLY.
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Karma3: Very well put Aberfoyle - my sentiments EXACTLY.
I like you, have waited and it was the best thing I could have done for my wee dude.
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being married several times in your childs life can affect them adversely.
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I also think that this might be a reason many cannot commit to another who has children... because they are not so selfish as to punish or adversely affect another persons child.
then again I seen people marry because they fell in love with the child and just enjoyed the parent.
then again I seen people marry because they fell in love with the child and just enjoyed the parent.
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Karma3: The other day my younger daughter was having a chat with me about relationships and she went 'I want you to be happy but I don't want you to be like other moms who marry several times'. I was like 'hold your horses, I'm still not out of the first one yet and have no inclination to enter a second one any time in the distant future'.
Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?
Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?
How about a many times married dad? That's just as bad especially those that have kids with different women.
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jbibiza: Yes, I think they do... and I think it creates a lot of insecurity in a child. How many new "dads" or "moms" is a kid supposed to deal with? Look at the turmoil breakups create in an adults life... so much more traumatic in a childs life as they have no control over the situation.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
I think it does make a difference whether or not you have the main custody. It doesn't seem to have made any difference to my sons, but I'm not the custodial parent and neither husband afterward tried to be a substitute dad. I also make it very clear that they come first when I do have them. It's precious time for me.
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aberfoyle: Obviously as single parents, both male or female, we put our children's best interests first. Sometimes this means not taking another partner on until they have 'left the nest' and other times it is waiting until the children are of an age where they can accept the fact that mum or dad need a friend about the place. I don't hold with the people, and usually women in this case, that just flit about from partner to partner having a child or two with each one.
In my case, I have been single for about 8-9 years now. My youngest is aged 8 and my eldest is 13. They are old enough to see their father out dating and wise enough to see that I am lonely and, in their eyes atleast, deserve to be happy. My children just want that, and if having someone around is going to make me happy, then so are they.
Having said that...as I say in my profile. It is going to take a very particular type of person to fit in with us...and he will most definately have to pass muster with my children. There is no way in hell am I going to bring anyone into this family that I don't completely trust around my children.
In my case, I have been single for about 8-9 years now. My youngest is aged 8 and my eldest is 13. They are old enough to see their father out dating and wise enough to see that I am lonely and, in their eyes atleast, deserve to be happy. My children just want that, and if having someone around is going to make me happy, then so are they.
Having said that...as I say in my profile. It is going to take a very particular type of person to fit in with us...and he will most definately have to pass muster with my children. There is no way in hell am I going to bring anyone into this family that I don't completely trust around my children.
i am the same though my youngest is now 17.i've been single just over 9 years.i just wanted my kids to grow up happy .
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jbibiza: Yes, I think they do... and I think it creates a lot of insecurity in a child. How many new "dads" or "moms" is a kid supposed to deal with? Look at the turmoil breakups create in an adults life... so much more traumatic in a childs life as they have no control over the situation.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
Personally, I think people who put their kids through multiple marriages are incredibly selfish.
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Do you think kids feel ashamed of their parents who marry several times?