Divorce (34)
StevenoQassim, Al-Qassim Saudi Arabia140 Threads 485 PostsWhat do you think is the most common cause of divorce?
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Erm...... getting married 
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morgan5: Erm...... getting married
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In response to: What do you think is the most common cause of divorce?
Lack of communication,compromise & commintment.
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Too many people getting married.
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morgan5: Erm...... getting married
I think the biggest cause is that we tend to look outside ourselves for the source of our happiness. We get married thinking that will make us happy, and when it doesn't (as inevitably is the case!), we think the marriage is the CAUSE of our unhappiness.
Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
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Steveno: I think the biggest cause is that we tend to look outside ourselves for the source of our happiness. We get married thinking that will make us happy, and when it doesn't (as inevitably is the case!), we think the marriage is the CAUSE of our unhappiness.
Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
it is part of life,win or lose,time to change,
loneliness
honour
why do people marry,is it a must for all of us,
wedding do not stay long,leads to divorce
how to live in society
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In response to: What do you think is the most common cause of divorce?
Yes divorce is caused by many things but unfortunately many of us lack the skills of communication and letting go of selfishness to make it work.
Being a divorced woman who was married to someone quite wonderful and it still not working out I know from experience. It was both our selfishness, financial issues and a myriad of things that over the years broke us down. We were together for 16 years and married 8 of those years.
Unless you go through a divorce you do not even begin to comprehend the pain involved. It is like being shredded when the divorce becomes final or at least it was for me.
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Dawn7z: Yes divorce is caused by many things but unfortunately many of us lack the skills of communication and letting go of selfishness to make it work.
Being a divorced woman who was married to someone quite wonderful and it still not working out I know from experience. It was both our selfishness, financial issues and a myriad of things that over the years broke us down. We were together for 16 years and married 8 of those years.
Unless you go through a divorce you do not even begin to comprehend the pain involved. It is like being shredded when the divorce becomes final or at least it was for me.
Being a divorced woman who was married to someone quite wonderful and it still not working out I know from experience. It was both our selfishness, financial issues and a myriad of things that over the years broke us down. We were together for 16 years and married 8 of those years.
Unless you go through a divorce you do not even begin to comprehend the pain involved. It is like being shredded when the divorce becomes final or at least it was for me.
Hey dawn just droped in to say hi I have been up all night.and still no luck whats this world coming to?
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Dawn7z: Yes divorce is caused by many things but unfortunately many of us lack the skills of communication and letting go of selfishness to make it work.
Being a divorced woman who was married to someone quite wonderful and it still not working out I know from experience. It was both our selfishness, financial issues and a myriad of things that over the years broke us down. We were together for 16 years and married 8 of those years.
Unless you go through a divorce you do not even begin to comprehend the pain involved. It is like being shredded when the divorce becomes final or at least it was for me.
Being a divorced woman who was married to someone quite wonderful and it still not working out I know from experience. It was both our selfishness, financial issues and a myriad of things that over the years broke us down. We were together for 16 years and married 8 of those years.
Unless you go through a divorce you do not even begin to comprehend the pain involved. It is like being shredded when the divorce becomes final or at least it was for me.
such a true answer...
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Steveno: I think the biggest cause is that we tend to look outside ourselves for the source of our happiness. We get married thinking that will make us happy, and when it doesn't (as inevitably is the case!), we think the marriage is the CAUSE of our unhappiness.
Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
sooooorry was bein silly Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
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Steveno: I think the biggest cause is that we tend to look outside ourselves for the source of our happiness. We get married thinking that will make us happy, and when it doesn't (as inevitably is the case!), we think the marriage is the CAUSE of our unhappiness.
Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
Relationships are hard, even when both people are healthy and stable. To add on the expectation that a relationship should make you whole is just too much. It's also upside down: you should bring your wholeness TO the relationship, not expect to get it FROM the relationship. That's what allows love to spin into a positive-feedback loop, rather than a downward spiral of unfulfilled expectations.
Very well said!
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I've been married 4 times, and 3 of them ended in divorce, each for different reasons.
The first one, because I thought that he would grow up and that I could help him do so. I thought he'd change. My mistake, and I learned from it.
The second one was to the father of my children, and lasted for 7 years. That one ended mainly because of the meds he was put on for his back pain from an injury. They changed him drastically, and the wonderful man I had been married to for all of those years disappeared. I know for sure it was the meds because they changed it once, and for a week I had the man I'd married back, until he developed an allergy to that medicine and was changed back to the others. Jekyll/Hyde is the best way I can describe that change. And one person can't make it work...it takes two.
The third one was because after we got married I discovered that everything he was before the marriage was a lie. He became his true self after we were married, and after 4 years of marriage (5 yrs together total), I couldn't take it any more. He was very controlling and one of those men who has to "win" every fight and always be "right". I had allowed myself to be very beat down during that relationship until finally, that inner core of strength kicked in and I started fighting back and then left.
The fourth left me a widow, so it doesn't count here. I will just say that I think that there are many reasons that so many marriages end in divorce. There's no "pat answer".
The first one, because I thought that he would grow up and that I could help him do so. I thought he'd change. My mistake, and I learned from it.
The second one was to the father of my children, and lasted for 7 years. That one ended mainly because of the meds he was put on for his back pain from an injury. They changed him drastically, and the wonderful man I had been married to for all of those years disappeared. I know for sure it was the meds because they changed it once, and for a week I had the man I'd married back, until he developed an allergy to that medicine and was changed back to the others. Jekyll/Hyde is the best way I can describe that change. And one person can't make it work...it takes two.
The third one was because after we got married I discovered that everything he was before the marriage was a lie. He became his true self after we were married, and after 4 years of marriage (5 yrs together total), I couldn't take it any more. He was very controlling and one of those men who has to "win" every fight and always be "right". I had allowed myself to be very beat down during that relationship until finally, that inner core of strength kicked in and I started fighting back and then left.
The fourth left me a widow, so it doesn't count here. I will just say that I think that there are many reasons that so many marriages end in divorce. There's no "pat answer".
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somechick: Lack of communication,compromise & commintment.
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dont plan on finding out why marriages fail to divorce
Only been married once and plan on staying and working
very very hard to make it work..
I wont give up just becos some problem arises..
I think that is why i didnt marry before until now..
Only been married once and plan on staying and working
very very hard to make it work..
I wont give up just becos some problem arises..
I think that is why i didnt marry before until now..
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I agree with dru, with her first husband. I got married mainly because I was pregnant with my daughter & wanted to "do the right thing". I kept thinking he'd change... when we got married, when the baby was born, etc. Well, he never did. Often, when people ask how many children I have, I jokingly tell them I had 2, but divorced one! 
I think many times, people rush into marriage, overlooking the compatibility factor. There are some things that they are compatible with the other person on, but if there's one big issue that they're not compatible on, that can tear apart the marriage.
Also, & my friend & I discussed this several times... our generation saw our parents stay in marriages "for the kids". They obviously didn't realize that "the kids" knew they weren't happy, thus making the kids unhappy. Nowadays, I think we figure that it's better to just get out of the unhappy situation & move on, hopefully having the child raised by both parents separately. No, it's not the ideal situation... but then again, what really is the solution? Waiting. Waiting until we're sure there's a possibility that we can be friends AND lovers.
I only got married once & have been single now for 17 years. I've grown up, done some soul-searching, & have grown to like the person I am. All too often, people go from one relationship to another because they "don't want to be alone". I say there's nothing wrong with being alone. Gives you time to "find yourself"!
I think many times, people rush into marriage, overlooking the compatibility factor. There are some things that they are compatible with the other person on, but if there's one big issue that they're not compatible on, that can tear apart the marriage.
Also, & my friend & I discussed this several times... our generation saw our parents stay in marriages "for the kids". They obviously didn't realize that "the kids" knew they weren't happy, thus making the kids unhappy. Nowadays, I think we figure that it's better to just get out of the unhappy situation & move on, hopefully having the child raised by both parents separately. No, it's not the ideal situation... but then again, what really is the solution? Waiting. Waiting until we're sure there's a possibility that we can be friends AND lovers.
I only got married once & have been single now for 17 years. I've grown up, done some soul-searching, & have grown to like the person I am. All too often, people go from one relationship to another because they "don't want to be alone". I say there's nothing wrong with being alone. Gives you time to "find yourself"!
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I was married once and got divorced after 8 yrs. I didn't think the marriage was that bad. He did! I found out after 1 fight we had, where everything spilled over. I told him that if our kids and I made his life so miserable, that maybe he should leave .... He did and never came back!
Analysis: we didn't know each other and saw marriage differently; we didn't know how to communicate especially when it was about feelings; and because we weren't on the same page and didn't know each other well, we made a lot of wrong decicions in financial matters.
I've been divorced for 7 yrs now. And, the more years go by, the better I feel about myself and living by myself (with kids). I had one relationship after that, but with a cheater and liar. So, more and more I think that by myself I'm better off. So, only if some day I happen to meet a nice, decent, fun-loving, honest guy, I'll think about a longterm relationship again.
Analysis: we didn't know each other and saw marriage differently; we didn't know how to communicate especially when it was about feelings; and because we weren't on the same page and didn't know each other well, we made a lot of wrong decicions in financial matters.
I've been divorced for 7 yrs now. And, the more years go by, the better I feel about myself and living by myself (with kids). I had one relationship after that, but with a cheater and liar. So, more and more I think that by myself I'm better off. So, only if some day I happen to meet a nice, decent, fun-loving, honest guy, I'll think about a longterm relationship again.
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LadyMiniMe: I was married once and got divorced after 8 yrs. I didn't think the marriage was that bad. He did! I found out after 1 fight we had, where everything spilled over. I told him that if our kids and I made his life so miserable, that maybe he should leave .... He did and never came back!
Analysis: we didn't know each other and saw marriage differently; we didn't know how to communicate especially when it was about feelings; and because we weren't on the same page and didn't know each other well, we made a lot of wrong decicions in financial matters.
I've been divorced for 7 yrs now. And, the more years go by, the better I feel about myself and living by myself (with kids). I had one relationship after that, but with a cheater and liar. So, more and more I think that by myself I'm better off. So, only if some day I happen to meet a nice, decent, fun-loving, honest guy, I'll think about a longterm relationship again.
Well hit me up sometime and we can chatAnalysis: we didn't know each other and saw marriage differently; we didn't know how to communicate especially when it was about feelings; and because we weren't on the same page and didn't know each other well, we made a lot of wrong decicions in financial matters.
I've been divorced for 7 yrs now. And, the more years go by, the better I feel about myself and living by myself (with kids). I had one relationship after that, but with a cheater and liar. So, more and more I think that by myself I'm better off. So, only if some day I happen to meet a nice, decent, fun-loving, honest guy, I'll think about a longterm relationship again.
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LadyMiniMe: I was married once and got divorced after 8 yrs. I didn't think the marriage was that bad. He did! I found out after 1 fight we had, where everything spilled over. I told him that if our kids and I made his life so miserable, that maybe he should leave .... He did and never came back!
Analysis: we didn't know each other and saw marriage differently; we didn't know how to communicate especially when it was about feelings; and because we weren't on the same page and didn't know each other well, we made a lot of wrong decicions in financial matters.
I've been divorced for 7 yrs now. And, the more years go by, the better I feel about myself and living by myself (with kids). I had one relationship after that, but with a cheater and liar. So, more and more I think that by myself I'm better off. So, only if some day I happen to meet a nice, decent, fun-loving, honest guy, I'll think about a longterm relationship again.
Well hit me up sometime and we can chatAnalysis: we didn't know each other and saw marriage differently; we didn't know how to communicate especially when it was about feelings; and because we weren't on the same page and didn't know each other well, we made a lot of wrong decicions in financial matters.
I've been divorced for 7 yrs now. And, the more years go by, the better I feel about myself and living by myself (with kids). I had one relationship after that, but with a cheater and liar. So, more and more I think that by myself I'm better off. So, only if some day I happen to meet a nice, decent, fun-loving, honest guy, I'll think about a longterm relationship again.
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