When do you really trust someone you've met online? (380)
takeit4grantednew berlin, Wisconsin USA4 Threads 785 Postssnuggle,,,,,
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BarrenPneuma: Personally trust for me is something that is impossible unless I remove all fear. I will always hand anyone I meet 100% trust upon initial contact. I am not a fool in any way that I could be taken advantage of as I do have limitations that I will not cross easily. I feel that if one of us does not open the door to trust then there is no possibility of any lasting relationship. If the trust is not reciprocated then of course it becomes crippled and is only due it mirror in return.
Limiting trust of an entirely new person or to this new person is detrimental in the way that it would assume or attach some past hurt that was never any part of our situation. What one person has done to you in no way reflects what any other person would do. The possibility is there of course and you do have to be careful, but restricting it for no good reason is as good as choking the life out of something that could be very worthwhile for both people.
There have been a few people in my life that have driven the trust issue to 50% or less and at this point I will pull back as the potential for loss is too great.
It may seem harsh but even then if they could manage to show some other person a due level of trust I would consider opening the gates again, but in my experience this has been rare. Not impossible but very rare.
Limiting trust of an entirely new person or to this new person is detrimental in the way that it would assume or attach some past hurt that was never any part of our situation. What one person has done to you in no way reflects what any other person would do. The possibility is there of course and you do have to be careful, but restricting it for no good reason is as good as choking the life out of something that could be very worthwhile for both people.
There have been a few people in my life that have driven the trust issue to 50% or less and at this point I will pull back as the potential for loss is too great.
It may seem harsh but even then if they could manage to show some other person a due level of trust I would consider opening the gates again, but in my experience this has been rare. Not impossible but very rare.
Interesting, Mark...but I disagree that you give it 100% in the beginning, then, because you have limitations on it. If trust builds to that 100% over time and getting to know the person, then it really is 100% for there are no limitations at that point. You cannot trust 100% and have limits...that's very contradicting.
Yes, the life will be choked out a relationship if there is no trust, or no faith...and that's why to establish that there is a relationship, I feel you have to give the person some level of trust...it's just not fully built yet. Not solid yet. That happens over a long time of getting to know someone.
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takeit4granted: Trust*,,if you dont believe me,,just ask me
That was funny.------ This thread is Archived ------
Morning Dru! 
This is a very good thread, & one that hits pretty close to home for me right now. I've met some very special female friends on here & even some male friends.
As far as romantically, yes there is someone I'm romantically interested in.
We've been communicating & getting to know each other. In our messages to each other, he seems like the kindest, most sincere man. Yes, I'm building trust in him. He had disappeared for a few days over the holidays & explained why when he came back. Again, I believe him. Why shouldn't I? I haven't met him yet.
But now comes the problem...
When I talk to my RL friends about goings-on in here & about him, they tell me to keep my guard up... which I do. Of course I do!! I'd be a fool not to. But my friends don't trust it AT ALL! They're trying to sway me against actually meeting him. They think he'll be a huge fraud & won't be anything of what he claims on here.
While I agree with them that I definitely need to get to know him better, & would only meet him on my turf, I believe that if he was, indeed, lying, he'd have to be an awfully good liar in order to remember those lies & build onto them. That's something I learned from my dear late mother.
As I always say, time will tell. I'm hoping for the best. But for now, it is what it is & time does go on. But for now, I know that hearing from him cheers me up when I'm down & getting to know him better is fun.
This is a very good thread, & one that hits pretty close to home for me right now. I've met some very special female friends on here & even some male friends.
As far as romantically, yes there is someone I'm romantically interested in.
We've been communicating & getting to know each other. In our messages to each other, he seems like the kindest, most sincere man. Yes, I'm building trust in him. He had disappeared for a few days over the holidays & explained why when he came back. Again, I believe him. Why shouldn't I? I haven't met him yet.But now comes the problem...
When I talk to my RL friends about goings-on in here & about him, they tell me to keep my guard up... which I do. Of course I do!! I'd be a fool not to. But my friends don't trust it AT ALL! They're trying to sway me against actually meeting him. They think he'll be a huge fraud & won't be anything of what he claims on here.
While I agree with them that I definitely need to get to know him better, & would only meet him on my turf, I believe that if he was, indeed, lying, he'd have to be an awfully good liar in order to remember those lies & build onto them. That's something I learned from my dear late mother.
As I always say, time will tell. I'm hoping for the best. But for now, it is what it is & time does go on. But for now, I know that hearing from him cheers me up when I'm down & getting to know him better is fun.
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snugglebunnie: You NEVER trust anyone completely whether you met them online or in church.
See, I knew that there had to be some out there that could never trust anyone completely. As I've said...miraculously, after all I've been through, I still can...but it takes time.
I'm sorry, Snuggle, that you've been hurt enough to never be able to trust completely, and I appreciate your input.
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I trust most people. In fact just last night this sweet 21 year old girl send me a nice email asking me to buy her a phone card and pay for the minutes so we could talk. Of course I did it and we are about to talk for hours and hours. Soon we will be great friends and probably get married in the Spring.
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sweetowen: Morning Dru!
This is a very good thread, & one that hits pretty close to home for me right now. I've met some very special female friends on here & even some male friends.
As far as romantically, yes there is someone I'm romantically interested in. We've been communicating & getting to know each other. In our messages to each other, he seems like the kindest, most sincere man. Yes, I'm building trust in him. He had disappeared for a few days over the holidays & explained why when he came back. Again, I believe him. Why shouldn't I? I haven't met him yet.
But now comes the problem...
When I talk to my RL friends about goings-on in here & about him, they tell me to keep my guard up... which I do. Of course I do!! I'd be a fool not to. But my friends don't trust it AT ALL! They're trying to sway me against actually meeting him. They think he'll be a huge fraud & won't be anything of what he claims on here.
While I agree with them that I definitely need to get to know him better, & would only meet him on my turf, I believe that if he was, indeed, lying, he'd have to be an awfully good liar in order to remember those lies & build onto them. That's something I learned from my dear late mother.
As I always say, time will tell. I'm hoping for the best. But for now, it is what it is & time does go on. But for now, I know that hearing from him cheers me up when I'm down & getting to know him better is fun.
This is a very good thread, & one that hits pretty close to home for me right now. I've met some very special female friends on here & even some male friends.
As far as romantically, yes there is someone I'm romantically interested in. We've been communicating & getting to know each other. In our messages to each other, he seems like the kindest, most sincere man. Yes, I'm building trust in him. He had disappeared for a few days over the holidays & explained why when he came back. Again, I believe him. Why shouldn't I? I haven't met him yet.
But now comes the problem...
When I talk to my RL friends about goings-on in here & about him, they tell me to keep my guard up... which I do. Of course I do!! I'd be a fool not to. But my friends don't trust it AT ALL! They're trying to sway me against actually meeting him. They think he'll be a huge fraud & won't be anything of what he claims on here.
While I agree with them that I definitely need to get to know him better, & would only meet him on my turf, I believe that if he was, indeed, lying, he'd have to be an awfully good liar in order to remember those lies & build onto them. That's something I learned from my dear late mother.
As I always say, time will tell. I'm hoping for the best. But for now, it is what it is & time does go on. But for now, I know that hearing from him cheers me up when I'm down & getting to know him better is fun.
Good morning, Owen! I wish you and the Doc the best, and I think he's pretty real on here, honestly. As are many of us. But again, you won't know for sure until you meet.
Don't you just love friends? My best friend here is a very skeptical person. I don't think she could ever date anyone she met in this virtual world of forums if she were a member here. And she certainly wouldn't have given the credit I have to the other person involved in my situation. She thinks I'm being an idiot, and way too trusting.
Yes, I felt that way, Owen. Losing touch for so long was very hard...and his reaction to that upon his return has been harder. But, what is meant to be will be, and time will tell what that is.
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Trust?..it has to be earned!
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Big_John: I trust most people. In fact just last night this sweet 21 year old girl send me a nice email asking me to buy her a phone card and pay for the minutes so we could talk. Of course I did it and we are about to talk for hours and hours. Soon we will be great friends and probably get married in the Spring.
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sweetowen: Dru, I truly do admire you, hon.
In the face of adversity, you've stood up & given the proverbial finger. Kudos to you, my dear friend!
In the face of adversity, you've stood up & given the proverbial finger. Kudos to you, my dear friend!
Um...actually, that wasn't the intention here, honestly. It just seemed like a really good topic for conversation. I wanted to see how everyone felt about it. No finger given...I'll do that privately if I ever wish to do so...even know the symbol for it on here.
Now, in the face of that adversity, being 16, pregnant, losing my best friend over the situation (yep, the friend I was meeting out there took the whole thing out on me, btw...just made me feel so good), I did give the proverbial finger...a lot. Oh, and physically, in person.
I'm not completely incapable of it. 
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Big_John: I trust most people. In fact just last night this sweet 21 year old girl send me a nice email asking me to buy her a phone card and pay for the minutes so we could talk. Of course I did it and we are about to talk for hours and hours. Soon we will be great friends and probably get married in the Spring.
Just how sore is your cheek from poking your tongue in it now, John?
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Shymedoh: Trust?..it has to be earned!
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druidess6308: Good morning, Owen! I wish you and the Doc the best, and I think he's pretty real on here, honestly. As are many of us. But again, you won't know for sure until you meet.
Don't you just love friends? My best friend here is a very skeptical person. I don't think she could ever date anyone she met in this virtual world of forums if she were a member here. And she certainly wouldn't have given the credit I have to the other person involved in my situation. She thinks I'm being an idiot, and way too trusting.
Yes, I felt that way, Owen. Losing touch for so long was very hard...and his reaction to that upon his return has been harder. But, what is meant to be will be, and time will tell what that is.
Don't you just love friends? My best friend here is a very skeptical person. I don't think she could ever date anyone she met in this virtual world of forums if she were a member here. And she certainly wouldn't have given the credit I have to the other person involved in my situation. She thinks I'm being an idiot, and way too trusting.
Yes, I felt that way, Owen. Losing touch for so long was very hard...and his reaction to that upon his return has been harder. But, what is meant to be will be, and time will tell what that is.
Thanks Dru! And I wish you the best in your situation, as well.
As far as friends... it sounds as if we're both running into the same thing. My best friend told another friend about what's going & had her "talk to" me about it. I figured out what they were doing & blew up on them. I explained what had happened to Dazz & he was completely understanding & actually glad that I had such good, loyal, caring friends. I've decided to just not talk to them about my goings-on in here. At least, for now.
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sweetowen: Thanks Dru! And I wish you the best in your situation, as well.
As far as friends... it sounds as if we're both running into the same thing. My best friend told another friend about what's going & had her "talk to" me about it. I figured out what they were doing & blew up on them. I explained what had happened to Dazz & he was completely understanding & actually glad that I had such good, loyal, caring friends. I've decided to just not talk to them about my goings-on in here. At least, for now.
As far as friends... it sounds as if we're both running into the same thing. My best friend told another friend about what's going & had her "talk to" me about it. I figured out what they were doing & blew up on them. I explained what had happened to Dazz & he was completely understanding & actually glad that I had such good, loyal, caring friends. I've decided to just not talk to them about my goings-on in here. At least, for now.
Ah...thankfully I don't have that friends talking to friends complication...at least with my RL friends. I don't know about on here, but I presume not here, either. If I thought that they'd do that to me, I wouldn't talk to them...and if I ever found out that any did, it would break trust, and thereby the friendship, completely.
And thank you, Owen.
What happens, happens. I can't control what he does and feels, only what I do and feel...and how I react. ------ This thread is Archived ------
druidess6308: Ah, but Sommer...you said in a previous post that yours with PPV came from being able to get answers that satisfied you to all of your questions...so, did he not earn your trust that way?
No, I do not see it like that.
I questioned one thing, now I just accept and never question.
So no, I have invested of my own trust in him, he has not earned it, it is my own choice.
If he is going to assault that, then I walk.
Goes back to another thread, about 'terms'
He knows where I am, I know where he is.
I have my future mapped out, clearly, I am a clinical person, I plan every step of the road.
Trusting him is something that comes naturally.
Not earned, it is just there and not to be questioned.
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I didn't say i wouldn't/couldn't trust...only that in my book it has to be earned.
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Sommerauer71: No, I do not see it like that.
I questioned one thing, now I just accept and never question.
So no, I have invested of my own trust in him, he has not earned it, it is my own choice.
If he is going to assault that, then I walk.
Goes back to another thread, about 'terms'
He knows where I am, I know where he is.
I have my future mapped out, clearly, I am a clinical person, I plan every step of the road.
Trusting him is something that comes naturally.
Not earned, it is just there and not to be questioned.
I questioned one thing, now I just accept and never question.
So no, I have invested of my own trust in him, he has not earned it, it is my own choice.
If he is going to assault that, then I walk.
Goes back to another thread, about 'terms'
He knows where I am, I know where he is.
I have my future mapped out, clearly, I am a clinical person, I plan every step of the road.
Trusting him is something that comes naturally.
Not earned, it is just there and not to be questioned.
It would take a lot of time, and a lot of questions being answered, for me to get to that point of giving my full trust. Meeting in person would also have to happen. But, again, that's why I wanted to hear how everyone felt on this...it's interesting to see how different people feel on this issue. I find your view very interesting...and true to what I know of you. Thank you for all of your input so far in here.
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Shymedoh: I didn't say i wouldn't/couldn't trust...only that in my book it has to be earned.
Understood...and agreed.
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live and let live. for me I have to know someone on a personal level and build some kind of personal bond before I will go out with them on a date. unless it is a just friend sort of date.
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Big_John: I trust most people. In fact just last night this sweet 21 year old girl send me a nice email asking me to buy her a phone card and pay for the minutes so we could talk. Of course I did it and we are about to talk for hours and hours. Soon we will be great friends and probably get married in the Spring.
NOT!!!!!!!!!! You live in MS and she is here in AZ with me..
Naturally I posted $500.00 to her pre-paid phone card..
BTW John did she send you her number also?? I called it, it is out of service at this time..
But now I have it..
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