When do you really trust someone you've met online? (380)
druidess6308: How long does it take for you to trust someone that you've met online? Does it happen quickly and easily, or does it take time? Do you think it's different if you meet them in forums as opposed to just contact by email?
For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.
For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.
Don't you think the answers will vary from person to person and their own personality/experiences? I think each person has to answer this themselves.
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I don't trust many in cyberworld and would not trust being in a committed relationship from cyberworld unless I met him after a few months of phone conversations and got to know him very well.
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These are all very good questions. I've been asking my self some of the same ones. I'm new to this site, have chatted with a few nice people and I'm making new friends. But when you become interested in someone, how do you know the feeling is mutual and the "real deal" with them? This is the reason why I'm more guarded than usual. I hate being that way but I feel the need to protect myself in this situation more than I normally would.
Any cures?
Any cures?
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druidess6308: How long does it take for you to trust someone that you've met online? Does it happen quickly and easily, or does it take time? Do you think it's different if you meet them in forums as opposed to just contact by email?
For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.
For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.
Of course, one can't establish trust within a short time, no!!
I have made many friends here and keep in touch off-site. I adore them all...
Trust? Probably a couple of them I would truly trust.... and I commend them for it. A truly refreshing and steadfast quality that I place a lot of importance on and try to adhere to myself.
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LACali: Don't you think the answers will vary from person to person and their own personality/experiences? I think each person has to answer this themselves.
Absolutely...that's the reason I'm asking people to share. I want to know how others feel because I understand that each of us is different. Yes, it's inspired by my experience, but I'm not asking for opinions on mine...I'm asking others for their feelings on this in general. After all, this is a dating site where we hope to meet someone online, and some have had their own experiences, both good and bad, with doing so. Some haven't had online dating experience yet, but know how long it takes for them to trust when dating in person, so it would be interesting to see how that compares to how long it would take to trust someone they've met online.
So, it occurred to me that it was a very good subject for discussing on here.
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You can email, IM, talk on the phone, etc, but you never know someone until you meet them. I have different levels of trust. But I have to meet someone face to face before I could trust them 100%. Most people here are at 40%, but there are two of y'all who are at 90%. :)
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druidess6308: Absolutely...that's the reason I'm asking people to share. I want to know how others feel because I understand that each of us is different. Yes, it's inspired by my experience, but I'm not asking for opinions on mine...I'm asking others for their feelings on this in general. After all, this is a dating site where we hope to meet someone online, and some have had their own experiences, both good and bad, with doing so. Some haven't had online dating experience yet, but know how long it takes for them to trust when dating in person, so it would be interesting to see how that compares to how long it would take to trust someone they've met online.
So, it occurred to me that it was a very good subject for discussing on here.
So, it occurred to me that it was a very good subject for discussing on here.
But I still think that depends upon the person. I have spoken to 3 men on here. By phone. 1 as a good friend. And two because we liked each other. Of the two the first I knew a month or two and the other 3.5 months. I wouldn't hesitate to meet any of them in person. I trust them all or wouldn't have even gotten to the phone part and once it did I felt even more comfortable. I think if someone trusts their instincts and pays close attention then there will be no problems. In the past I have met some people from online (not here) and never once had a bad experience but again I went with my instincts.
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Summer71: These are all very good questions. I've been asking my self some of the same ones. I'm new to this site, have chatted with a few nice people and I'm making new friends. But when you become interested in someone, how do you know the feeling is mutual and the "real deal" with them? This is the reason why I'm more guarded than usual. I hate being that way but I feel the need to protect myself in this situation more than I normally would.
Any cures?
Any cures?
Why would you need a cure? I would say that you're being prudent. I don't think you really do know someone if you only meet them online, and haven't done so in person yet. I'm very open on here in forums, so it would be hard for me to be guarded with someone...but that doesn't mean I would trust them completely, either. One meeting, or even one weekend, wouldn't establish full trust for me either. But it would go a lot further toward establishing it.
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LACali: But I still think that depends upon the person. I have spoken to 3 men on here. By phone. 1 as a good friend. And two because we liked each other. Of the two the first I knew a month or two and the other 3.5 months. I wouldn't hesitate to meet any of them in person. I trust them all or wouldn't have even gotten to the phone part and once it did I felt even more comfortable. I think if someone trusts their instincts and pays close attention then there will be no problems. In the past I have met some people from online (not here) and never once had a bad experience but again I went with my instincts.
The only consistent "lies" I've found with men from online were age, height and weight.
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roseofsharon: Of course, one can't establish trust within a short time, no!!
I have made many friends here and keep in touch off-site. I adore them all...
Trust? Probably a couple of them I would truly trust.... and I commend them for it. A truly refreshing and steadfast quality that I place a lot of importance on and try to adhere to myself.
I have made many friends here and keep in touch off-site. I adore them all...
Trust? Probably a couple of them I would truly trust.... and I commend them for it. A truly refreshing and steadfast quality that I place a lot of importance on and try to adhere to myself.
I hear you, A. I've made some friends on here, and a few of those relationships extend off of here now as well. Those people have a bit more of my trust and faith than those who are still only friends on here. But that trust is still building because the friendships are still new. I would expect them to feel the same way about me.
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lanabyte: You can email, IM, talk on the phone, etc, but you never know someone until you meet them. I have different levels of trust. But I have to meet someone face to face before I could trust them 100%. Most people here are at 40%, but there are two of y'all who are at 90%. :)
I agree, Lana. I would even say that trust goes to about 80% or 90% upon meeting in person...but still takes time to reach the 100% level, with a friend or within a love relationship. And even when it's high, if the trust and the relationship are still new, then I don't think it takes much to take that down, either. I've been burned way too many times, by way too many people, to give that trust so easily. It doesn't keep me from opening up completely and taking the risk of being hurt, though.
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I think phone conversations go a long way toward cementing a "virtual trust," Dru. I doubt there's any hard and fast rule, time-wise - rather, it's an individual judgment. I went a few weeks without my correspondent trusting me enough to even give me her full name and workplace.
I think you know that how many meetings, conversations, etc., that are required before one trusts the person is completely dependent on the circumstances and individuals involved, Dru. And even after months of conversations and in-the-flesh meetings, 100% trust may not be achieved. That's asking a helluva lot (and trust is more complex than merely believing basic facts about someone's identity; it also comprises knowledge of their true feelings and intentions). I think you can only claim to feel 100% trust when you commit yourself 100% to that person (which I take to mean, personally, *marriage*).
I think you know that how many meetings, conversations, etc., that are required before one trusts the person is completely dependent on the circumstances and individuals involved, Dru. And even after months of conversations and in-the-flesh meetings, 100% trust may not be achieved. That's asking a helluva lot (and trust is more complex than merely believing basic facts about someone's identity; it also comprises knowledge of their true feelings and intentions). I think you can only claim to feel 100% trust when you commit yourself 100% to that person (which I take to mean, personally, *marriage*).
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When do you really trust someone you've met online {/b}
Hi Dru,
IMO....You don't fully trust someone online or by phone.
I have met people from CS and that is always easier as you can look a person in the eyes as you are communicating. To fully establish complete trust, IMO, takes a lot of time.
I would trust a lot of people and indeed e-mailed some contact details today to someone I had never spoken to before. That requires a level of trust but not complete trust.
The other side of the coin is the medium we are using to communicate. People here can be insecure and can leave themselves open to Players / Scammers. So at what point would I completely trust someone..........
An unknown amount of time after I met them.......
JMO
Hi Dru,
IMO....You don't fully trust someone online or by phone.
I have met people from CS and that is always easier as you can look a person in the eyes as you are communicating. To fully establish complete trust, IMO, takes a lot of time.
I would trust a lot of people and indeed e-mailed some contact details today to someone I had never spoken to before. That requires a level of trust but not complete trust.
The other side of the coin is the medium we are using to communicate. People here can be insecure and can leave themselves open to Players / Scammers. So at what point would I completely trust someone..........
An unknown amount of time after I met them.......
JMO
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LACali: But I still think that depends upon the person. I have spoken to 3 men on here. By phone. 1 as a good friend. And two because we liked each other. Of the two the first I knew a month or two and the other 3.5 months. I wouldn't hesitate to meet any of them in person. I trust them all or wouldn't have even gotten to the phone part and once it did I felt even more comfortable. I think if someone trusts their instincts and pays close attention then there will be no problems. In the past I have met some people from online (not here) and never once had a bad experience but again I went with my instincts.
I'm glad that you haven't been burned yet, LA. I trust my instincts as well, and they've been honed over time, but that still doesn't mean I trust that completely that easily...even with a strong connection and good feeling in my gut and heart.
You, my friend, have been an exception on the friend level, btw.
I rarely give anyone my total trust that fast. And still, it took a couple of months.------ This thread is Archived ------
lanabyte: You can email, IM, talk on the phone, etc, but you never know someone until you meet them. I have different levels of trust. But I have to meet someone face to face before I could trust them 100%. Most people here are at 40%, but there are two of y'all who are at 90%. :)
I agree. I can not trust someone very fast, either. You can get along perfectly in internet media which insulates you from each other.
Yet, it is that first meeting that "casts some light onto the shadows" This will start showing the flaws.
Once the flaws start coming out, then comes the questions: Can we still get along? After that comes, Can I still love, or DO I still love this person, Sometimes it would even be DID I really ever Love this person? G-d help us if we ask ourselves WHAT did I ever see in this person?!?!
Cyber dating, is in reality, backwards because usually, you have answered these questions first in the RL dating, not last.
There are a few rare cases where a couple knows this the instant they meet. However for the most part, I think it would take ~ 3 months at the least to know for sure.
There is also that old adage Trust is earned not given. This requires action. Action is usually not going to be seen in Cyberspace only in person and often overt ime.
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it would take a very long while not being able to hold, to touch the one you love is very hard, trust is something that is earn couples need to work that out, nice post.
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Ambrose2007: I think phone conversations go a long way toward cementing a "virtual trust," Dru. I doubt there's any hard and fast rule, time-wise - rather, it's an individual judgment. I went a few weeks without my correspondent trusting me enough to even give me her full name and workplace.
I think you know that how many meetings, conversations, etc., that are required before one trusts the person is completely dependent on the circumstances and individuals involved, Dru. And even after months of conversations and in-the-flesh meetings, 100% trust may not be achieved. That's asking a helluva lot (and trust is more complex than merely believing basic facts about someone's identity; it also comprises knowledge of their true feelings and intentions). I think you can only claim to feel 100% trust when you commit yourself 100% to that person (which I take to mean, personally, *marriage*).
I think you know that how many meetings, conversations, etc., that are required before one trusts the person is completely dependent on the circumstances and individuals involved, Dru. And even after months of conversations and in-the-flesh meetings, 100% trust may not be achieved. That's asking a helluva lot (and trust is more complex than merely believing basic facts about someone's identity; it also comprises knowledge of their true feelings and intentions). I think you can only claim to feel 100% trust when you commit yourself 100% to that person (which I take to mean, personally, *marriage*).
I agree with most of this, Ambrose. My only point of disagreement is that I would be able to reach 100% trust long before agreeing to marry someone. Good thing, too, because it's not something I plan on doing again...not saying I won't ever, just that I don't plan on it.
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vinny1967: When do you really trust someone you've met online {/b}
Hi Dru,
IMO....You don't fully trust someone online or by phone.
I have met people from CS and that is always easier as you can look a person in the eyes as you are communicating. To fully establish complete trust, IMO, takes a lot of time.
I would trust a lot of people and indeed e-mailed some contact details today to someone I had never spoken to before. That requires a level of trust but not complete trust.
The other side of the coin is the medium we are using to communicate. People here can be insecure and can leave themselves open to Players / Scammers. So at what point would I completely trust someone..........
An unknown amount of time after I met them.......
JMO
Very well said, Vinny. Hi Dru,
IMO....You don't fully trust someone online or by phone.
I have met people from CS and that is always easier as you can look a person in the eyes as you are communicating. To fully establish complete trust, IMO, takes a lot of time.
I would trust a lot of people and indeed e-mailed some contact details today to someone I had never spoken to before. That requires a level of trust but not complete trust.
The other side of the coin is the medium we are using to communicate. People here can be insecure and can leave themselves open to Players / Scammers. So at what point would I completely trust someone..........
An unknown amount of time after I met them.......
JMO
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CjTenorSax: I agree. I can not trust someone very fast, either. You can get along perfectly in internet media which insulates you from each other.
Yet, it is that first meeting that "casts some light onto the shadows" This will start showing the flaws.
Once the flaws start coming out, then comes the questions: Can we still get along? After that comes, Can I still love, or DO I still love this person, Sometimes it would even be DID I really ever Love this person? G-d help us if we ask ourselves WHAT did I ever see in this person?!?!
Cyber dating, is in reality, backwards because usually, you have answered these questions first in the RL dating, not last.
There are a few rare cases where a couple knows this the instant they meet. However for the most part, I think it would take ~ 3 months at the least to know for sure.
There is also that old adage Trust is earned not given. This requires action. Action is usually not going to be seen in Cyberspace only in person and often over time.
Yet, it is that first meeting that "casts some light onto the shadows" This will start showing the flaws.
Once the flaws start coming out, then comes the questions: Can we still get along? After that comes, Can I still love, or DO I still love this person, Sometimes it would even be DID I really ever Love this person? G-d help us if we ask ourselves WHAT did I ever see in this person?!?!
Cyber dating, is in reality, backwards because usually, you have answered these questions first in the RL dating, not last.
There are a few rare cases where a couple knows this the instant they meet. However for the most part, I think it would take ~ 3 months at the least to know for sure.
There is also that old adage Trust is earned not given. This requires action. Action is usually not going to be seen in Cyberspace only in person and often over time.
So well stated, CJ...and a good comparison between what happens with dating online and dating in person, too. Even with being very open online, I don't think we really get to know a person until we meet in person. It can be different with friends, but for a love relationship one has to connect in person to establish this because there's so much more at stake.
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For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.