When do you really trust someone you've met online? (380)
yrswarriordoha, Doha Qatar77 PostsI have know people on the net for a very long time and never met. You just have to feel comfortable with that person if you ever do.
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loverboy690: license and registration please.
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thewall2: Atta boy!
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Another great thread by my Sis, Dr. Dru. 
My viewpoint on this is very simple.
I had a real close friend, even as a roommate. We parted and he left me a long letter about trust issues with our friendship. Things that I did and things he did and so forth.
This did put a wedge into our friendship for a long time, even to this day it's never been repaired like it should have been.
As I reflect on it, the word trust should never been used. I think the word should have been faith.
How much faith are you willing to give to someone in real life or online on what they said to you?
I wear my heart out in the open sometimes. Every time some woman makes contact with me or I talk to them, I have faith in my heart that they speak the truth on things.
In time, I will start seeing the truth come out and I will know that my faith was misplaced.
I have already been hit on by scammers on here, some contact me and have reported a different city then what was on thier profile, but I will give faith on thier story of why it was written that way. Maybe it helps thier search, who knows.
So, in closing, it's not trust we give out or recieve. It's faith, how strong is our faith to continue and meet people online and bare our souls.
So, with me as a person, I will always give my faith to someone to be who they are, then trust can begin.
My viewpoint on this is very simple.
I had a real close friend, even as a roommate. We parted and he left me a long letter about trust issues with our friendship. Things that I did and things he did and so forth.
This did put a wedge into our friendship for a long time, even to this day it's never been repaired like it should have been.
As I reflect on it, the word trust should never been used. I think the word should have been faith.
How much faith are you willing to give to someone in real life or online on what they said to you?
I wear my heart out in the open sometimes. Every time some woman makes contact with me or I talk to them, I have faith in my heart that they speak the truth on things.
In time, I will start seeing the truth come out and I will know that my faith was misplaced.
I have already been hit on by scammers on here, some contact me and have reported a different city then what was on thier profile, but I will give faith on thier story of why it was written that way. Maybe it helps thier search, who knows.
So, in closing, it's not trust we give out or recieve. It's faith, how strong is our faith to continue and meet people online and bare our souls.
So, with me as a person, I will always give my faith to someone to be who they are, then trust can begin.
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Personally trust for me is something that is impossible unless I remove all fear. I will always hand anyone I meet 100% trust upon initial contact. I am not a fool in any way that I could be taken advantage of as I do have limitations that I will not cross easily. I feel that if one of us does not open the door to trust then there is no possibility of any lasting relationship. If the trust is not reciprocated then of course it becomes crippled and is only due it mirror in return.
Limiting trust of an entirely new person or to this new person is detrimental in the way that it would assume or attach some past hurt that was never any part of our situation. What one person has done to you in no way reflects what any other person would do. The possibility is there of course and you do have to be careful, but restricting it for no good reason is as good as choking the life out of something that could be very worthwhile for both people.
There have been a few people in my life that have driven the trust issue to 50% or less and at this point I will pull back as the potential for loss is too great.
It may seem harsh but even then if they could manage to show some other person a due level of trust I would consider opening the gates again, but in my experience this has been rare. Not impossible but very rare.
Limiting trust of an entirely new person or to this new person is detrimental in the way that it would assume or attach some past hurt that was never any part of our situation. What one person has done to you in no way reflects what any other person would do. The possibility is there of course and you do have to be careful, but restricting it for no good reason is as good as choking the life out of something that could be very worthwhile for both people.
There have been a few people in my life that have driven the trust issue to 50% or less and at this point I will pull back as the potential for loss is too great.
It may seem harsh but even then if they could manage to show some other person a due level of trust I would consider opening the gates again, but in my experience this has been rare. Not impossible but very rare.
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“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
~ Walter Anderson
“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”
“Without trust there is nothing.”
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough”
~ Frank Crane
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
~ Golda Meir
“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.”
“The best proof of love is trust.”
~ Doctor Joyce Brothers
“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.”
~ Anton Chekhov
“If you don't have confidence, you'll always find a way not to win”
~ Walter Anderson
“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”
“Without trust there is nothing.”
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough”
~ Frank Crane
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
~ Golda Meir
“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.”
“The best proof of love is trust.”
~ Doctor Joyce Brothers
“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.”
~ Anton Chekhov
“If you don't have confidence, you'll always find a way not to win”
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I believe you can never trust someone you've just met online, let alone real life. i think it depends on the context of you define trust within a set of circumstances. Do you trust that if you meet the person in real life they are not an axe murderer. I agree that trust takes time
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laura225: I've been here (on CS) over half a year, Dru, and have seen enough to not even consider it being a start/base for a relationship until I can meet them in person.
As I said in my reply to Ken, "virtual trust" is for idiots (I said it in slightly different words but the meaning is basically the same).
If there is any potential between two people, there is no reason to postpone meeting and go from there... or not...
To me, after first few dates is a good time to START.
All the fuss over 'what we are going to do' with profile liars is for people who believes in beautifully arranged profiles.
I am not one of them. I make my own mind and allow my 'potential man' to get to know ME, not my PROFILE.
And allow all the profile-fussers continue fussing over other ppl's profiles.
You know what they say - to each their own.
As I said in my reply to Ken, "virtual trust" is for idiots (I said it in slightly different words but the meaning is basically the same).
If there is any potential between two people, there is no reason to postpone meeting and go from there... or not...
To me, after first few dates is a good time to START.
All the fuss over 'what we are going to do' with profile liars is for people who believes in beautifully arranged profiles.
I am not one of them. I make my own mind and allow my 'potential man' to get to know ME, not my PROFILE.
And allow all the profile-fussers continue fussing over other ppl's profiles.
You know what they say - to each their own.
Yes, to each their own. I disagree about "virtual trust", and that's despite having been scammed once. Or maybe I am an idiot...again, with all that I've been through, I do trust again. But I agree that full trust, total trust, comes later...when you've been together in person for a while. But, you have to be true to you and do what's right for you. That's why I started this...I wanted to see how others were on this issue. It's been interesting.
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jlw45: i aint got a clue....i'm not good at the whole dating thing, much less on-line dating......as they say....live and learn...
Relationships are hard, Joel. Even harder in virtual life only. I agree it needs to move to real as soon as possible, to see if it is real. ------ This thread is Archived ------
mylifewithu: There is one man on this site that I know I could totally trust from the very beginning, if we met.
That in itself gives me hope that I could possible find a love and friendship some day and have that same kind of trust with a man for me.
That in itself gives me hope that I could possible find a love and friendship some day and have that same kind of trust with a man for me.
I know who you mean, and even him I couldn't give total trust to until knowing him in person for some time. There's not a single man that I could give that to online. I have some very good friends on here of both genders...with all of them trust takes time. That doesn't mean that I don't open myself up and take the risk so it can build. I will say that friendship can get that total trust easier with email, IM, and phone contact and not meeting online...but there's a little bit less at risk there heart-wise. It's just not the same as a potential significant other.
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thewall2: I don't think we ever trust people.
I think we trust our judgements about people,and when people let us down, it's easier to say,''How can you let me down?''....rather than say,''My judgement was lousy.''
I think we trust our judgements about people,and when people let us down, it's easier to say,''How can you let me down?''....rather than say,''My judgement was lousy.''
Very good point, Wall.
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BarrenPneuma: “We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
~ Walter Anderson
“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”
“Without trust there is nothing.”“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough”
~ Frank Crane
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
~ Golda Meir
“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.”
“The best proof of love is trust.”
~ Doctor Joyce Brothers
“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.”
~ Anton Chekhov
“If you don't have confidence, you'll always find a way not to win”
~ Walter Anderson
“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”
“Without trust there is nothing.”“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough”
~ Frank Crane
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”
~ Golda Meir
“I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.”
“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.”
“The best proof of love is trust.”
~ Doctor Joyce Brothers
“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.”
~ Anton Chekhov
“If you don't have confidence, you'll always find a way not to win”
woooohooooo.......let the wisdom soak in!
It will certainly do "me" some good!
As usual, great post Mark!
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pretzelman: ***When do you really trust someone you've met online?
Once you have done a full credit check, investigated their back ground. Get their s.s. number and do a background through Google and local, and federal law enforcement agencies. Have them submit to a lie detector as well as a medical exam. Then commit to a date with them!!
Can't be too safe these days.
Once you have done a full credit check, investigated their back ground. Get their s.s. number and do a background through Google and local, and federal law enforcement agencies. Have them submit to a lie detector as well as a medical exam. Then commit to a date with them!!
Can't be too safe these days.
Starlin, you're incorrigible!------ This thread is Archived ------
yrswarrior: I have know people on the net for a very long time and never met. You just have to feel comfortable with that person if you ever do.
Oh, I agree. Though for me, I'll feel comfortable enough to invite them to my home, but then there will most likely be an adjustment period of at least a few minutes or longer to being completely comfortable with them in person. It's slightly different...especially when you've known someone online for a while and gotten comfortable on that level, and now you're moving to a new one.
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pretzelman: ***When do you really trust someone you've met online?
Once you have done a full credit check, investigated their back ground. Get their s.s. number and do a background through Google and local, and federal law enforcement agencies. Have them submit to a lie detector as well as a medical exam. Then commit to a date with them!!
Can't be too safe these days.
Once you have done a full credit check, investigated their back ground. Get their s.s. number and do a background through Google and local, and federal law enforcement agencies. Have them submit to a lie detector as well as a medical exam. Then commit to a date with them!!
Can't be too safe these days.
This is exactly what my family said they would if I ever found anyone else online...........
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You NEVER trust anyone completely whether you met them online or in church.
druidess6308: How long does it take for you to trust someone that you've met online? Does it happen quickly and easily, or does it take time? Do you think it's different if you meet them in forums as opposed to just contact by email?
For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.
For me, trust takes time. I don't think that trust is something that you can establish in a few weeks of emailing or IMing with someone, especially if you haven't been able to move that to talking on the phone, or even meeting in person. Do you even trust a person after meeting them once? Or does it take more than one meeting to know that the person you've met online is the same person in reality?
I think it would still take months, and building that relationship over time to establish full trust. I might be totally open with that person, and love them without hesitation, especially if I met them in forums. I'm so open on here that it would be hard not to give that person even more openness. But does it mean that trust is 100% established? Can we ever trust another 100%? I believe I can, but that level of trust would definitely take time.
So...what would happen if you suddenly lost communication with them? If they disappeared completely without any explanation and you didn't hear from them for several days? Would you still be able to trust them during that time? Would you have blind faith in someone you only knew online if that happened? And would you trust them when they returned with an explanation? Would there ever be a good enough explanation for this? How long do you think it would take before you did lose trust and faith?
Please, share your opinions on this matter.
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DarkKnight2032: Another great thread by my Sis, Dr. Dru.
My viewpoint on this is very simple.
I had a real close friend, even as a roommate. We parted and he left me a long letter about trust issues with our friendship. Things that I did and things he did and so forth.
This did put a wedge into our friendship for a long time, even to this day it's never been repaired like it should have been.
As I reflect on it, the word trust should never been used. I think the word should have been faith.
How much faith are you willing to give to someone in real life or online on what they said to you?
I wear my heart out in the open sometimes. Every time some woman makes contact with me or I talk to them, I have faith in my heart that they speak the truth on things.
In time, I will start seeing the truth come out and I will know that my faith was misplaced.
I have already been hit on by scammers on here, some contact me and have reported a different city then what was on thier profile, but I will give faith on thier story of why it was written that way. Maybe it helps thier search, who knows.
So, in closing, it's not trust we give out or recieve. It's faith, how strong is our faith to continue and meet people online and bare our souls.
So, with me as a person, I will always give my faith to someone to be who they are, then trust can begin.
My viewpoint on this is very simple.
I had a real close friend, even as a roommate. We parted and he left me a long letter about trust issues with our friendship. Things that I did and things he did and so forth.
This did put a wedge into our friendship for a long time, even to this day it's never been repaired like it should have been.
As I reflect on it, the word trust should never been used. I think the word should have been faith.
How much faith are you willing to give to someone in real life or online on what they said to you?
I wear my heart out in the open sometimes. Every time some woman makes contact with me or I talk to them, I have faith in my heart that they speak the truth on things.
In time, I will start seeing the truth come out and I will know that my faith was misplaced.
I have already been hit on by scammers on here, some contact me and have reported a different city then what was on thier profile, but I will give faith on thier story of why it was written that way. Maybe it helps thier search, who knows.
So, in closing, it's not trust we give out or recieve. It's faith, how strong is our faith to continue and meet people online and bare our souls.
So, with me as a person, I will always give my faith to someone to be who they are, then trust can begin.
Excellent post, my little brother.
Very wise. And yes, there is faith, and then there is trust. I give my faith on here completely...trust is something that builds slowly. Having something shake the budding trust can also shake one's faith, though. Or, getting slapped in the face and feeling that maybe the person wasn't who you thought they were after all. Doesn't mean it can't be worked out, and things can even be better if one does...but it does put things on shaky ground. ------ This thread is Archived ------
I was in a relationship with someone for a year. I saw him on Dec. 27, 2005 and didn't know that I would never hear from him again. He said he loved me and we planned to lived together. He never said kiss my @##$% or not even a goodbye. Just threw me out to the garbage without an explanation. Trust????? You've got to be kidding.
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snugglebunnie: You NEVER trust anyone completely whether you met them online or in church.
AMEN to that!
Just because I'm in a garage, doesn't make me a car!
.....enough said.------ This thread is Archived ------
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