This is a very painful question we don't want to face. And what's worse is when reality strikes and we need to reevaluate our lives. Suddenly everything changes. The future fades away and the harsh reality takes its place.
There was a man who was full of plans, whose life changed when he visited a friend for a barbecue. Leaning against the balcony he didn't know what was to come, that it was the last time he stood and talked...
It's an interesting article and Peter's story needs to be told for us to remember how lucky we are in life.
As to your question... My brother has watched his soul mate progressively become more ill, he has supported all of her surgeries, been a single father... and in the last couple of years, you could count the times he has missed making a daily visit to her ( she is permanently in a Nursing Home at the age of 40). I admire who he is, and how he stands by the woman he loves... knowing that their time together is less every day.
I would hope I could do it as graciously as my own brother has.
The question was meant to refer to you, not the other party. What would you do if *you* became paralyzed and you loved someone? I think this is just as hard.
revealer24: Hi Abagail, your brother is a great guy!
The question was meant to refer to you, not the other party. What would you do if *you* became paralyzed and you loved someone? I think this is just as hard.
"If" I became paralysed, I would still love the person... I can't change how I essentially feel about someone, only they can do that. I would let them go though, to live their life.
curly28Perth, Western Australia Australia5,450 posts
Abagail: Hello Revealer,
It's an interesting article and Peter's story needs to be told for us to remember how lucky we are in life.
As to your question... My brother has watched his soul mate progressively become more ill, he has supported all of her surgeries, been a single father... and in the last couple of years, you could count the times he has missed making a daily visit to her ( she is permanently in a Nursing Home at the age of 40). I admire who he is, and how he stands by the woman he loves... knowing that their time together is less every day.
I would hope I could do it as graciously as my own brother has.
Your brother is a very special man how lucky is his lady to have someone like him to care and love her You must be very proud of your bother Abagail
If i was the one who was injured , i'd ask to have my life ended. If i had to care for a loved one who was injured ( and dont forget , im talking 25 hour a day care , unable to do a single thing ) , and they asked to have their life terminated ( flick switch etc ) I would understand.
I wouldnt want to be a burden on anyone , life is made to be lived. I firmly believe that people have the right to make their own choices in life. Now by saying this , a perfectly healthy person should not commit suicide , as there is " light at the end of the tunnel" , and things would and can eventually work themselves out , but terminally ill , or severely injured persons should be allowed a choice. When a horse breaks its leg , its put down , how can we make a choice for a horse , when it would choose for life itself?
Im not sure if you'll all understand my way of thinking , as normally , it differs vastly from others , and sometimes its hard for my to portray my words into valid sentences.
In response to: This is a very painful question we don't want to face. And what's worse is when reality strikes and we need to reevaluate our lives. Suddenly everything changes. The future fades away and the harsh reality takes its place.
There was a man who was full of plans, whose life changed when he visited a friend for a barbecue. Leaning against the balcony he didn't know what was to come, that it was the last time he stood and talked...
Its not really what YOU would do if you became paralysed.... its what the other person would do who loved you! you could tell them to go away but if they truly love you they would stay anyway I mean you cant get up and chase them away can you.?
My daughter became an incomplete Quad(this means she can walk but only slowlyand is weaker in all four limbs ) after a horse race fall in Tas about 13 yrs ago. Her husband of 6 years stayed around just long enough to get her pregnant then' 7 months later left her for another woman. Now if it was your partner what would you do????.
It seems that females are much more liable to stay with their disabled partner than the males....as the mothering instinct takes over I suppose.(dont really know why)
The one good thing that came out of it was their 12 year old daughter as she absolutely adores her mum.
curly28: Your brother is a very special man how lucky is his lady to have someone like him to care and love her You must be very proud of your bother Abagail
Thank you, Curly. I am truly proud of him. It is heart breaking to watch, because her organs keep failing... and he keeps the house afloat, his kids organised , keeps a very good job and still makes time for her.
Martia, that is very sad. It is cruel that the guy runs away leaving the sick wife behind, but even worse that he makes her pregnant and leaves her behind with all the pain of labour and the burden of caring for the newborn - at the time when a woman needs her man's support the most. She must have been desolated.
Life throws challenges at us that we would never expect and our reactions to them and decisions surrounding them can surprise us and not be what we would intend had we time to prepare.
And even those reactions and decisions can change on a daily basis as life is never static.
revealer24: This is a very painful question we don't want to face. And what's worse is when reality strikes and we need to reevaluate our lives. Suddenly everything changes. The future fades away and the harsh reality takes its place.
There was a man who was full of plans, whose life changed when he visited a friend for a barbecue. Leaning against the balcony he didn't know what was to come, that it was the last time he stood and talked...
I can't believe you ask this question..... It is a no-brainer. You just do the best you can.... if you have a postive outlook. And if not.... well, there is much that can be said, has been said, and that ends not nicely for many around such a person, as well as for the person themeselves. Easy to cope with such a thing? No it is not, but attitude will determine the outcome longer term....
Life throws challenges at us that we would never expect and our reactions to them and decisions surrounding them can surprise us and not be what we would intend had we time to prepare.
And even those reactions and decisions can change on a daily basis as life is never static.
Depending on our previous experience, it can be said that for many ... the question is unanswerable. For some, they have been put to the test in regards to similar situations.
Life throws challenges at us that we would never expect and our reactions to them and decisions surrounding them can surprise us and not be what we would intend had we time to prepare.
And even those reactions and decisions can change on a daily basis as life is never static.
Yes, I don't think I could answer it either. Very sad situation for all involved.
Life throws challenges at us that we would never expect and our reactions to them and decisions surrounding them can surprise us and not be what we would intend had we time to prepare.
And even those reactions and decisions can change on a daily basis as life is never static.
Blizzard14uGosnells, Western Australia Australia1,430 posts
Sad story! But real people stand by the ones they love! My second EX had meningitis at one stage in our married life, she was sure she was going to die? She ended up in a bed at Freo hospital, with six of the best surgeons in Australia standing at the end off her hospital bed, my EX was and still is a drama queen! She said am I going to die? that’s when the nurse whispered in my ear! These are the best off the best not only in Australia but in the world! You could see what she said was true by the way the other nurses were running around,
Oh well the EX survived! And we lived together for another two years, then I had 12 years off wishing it had gone the other way?
Only joking! You would have too meet my EX to understand why, she cry’s a lot? Especially at airports!
scanzShepprton & Darwin, Victoria Australia127 posts
When you receive any type of spinal injury, your whole life changes instantly. Mentally, emotionally, and physicaly, Wether you are willing to get on with your life, accept your injurys and adjust your life to suit what has happened to you is another thing.
scanz: When you receive any type of spinal injury, your whole life changes instantly. Mentally, emotionally, and physicaly, Wether you are willing to get on with your life, accept your injurys and adjust your life to suit what has happened to you is another thing.
Spinal injury is a serious thing. But when it is coupled with brain injury it is another. Suffering from locked-in syndrome is probably one of the worst possible scenario. But this is not even the worst.
The man this thread is about said once, if he could not see he would not want to live. He can now put up with being completely paralyzed...
... but not to see is the worst he can imagine...
Because then he would not be able to do anything at all...
jem1964Foothills of Dandenongs, Victoria Australia2,441 posts
revealer24: Spinal injury is a serious thing. But when it is coupled with brain injury it is another. Suffering from locked-in syndrome is probably one of the worst possible scenario. But this is not even the worst.
The man this thread is about said once, if he could not see he would not want to live. He can now put up with being completely paralyzed...
... but not to see is the worst he can imagine...
Because then he would not be able to do anything at all...
to say someone that is blind is incapable of not doing anything is ridiculous. It is the same as saying that someone who cannot walk is usless. It just isnt so.
Life IS what we make it, if we deem that it is good we will make it good. If we are determined that it is bad, we will not see anything else.
One of the strengths of the human race is that it can adapt.
It could be argued that we have technology that makes disabilities easier to cope with, and that would be true. But it is the strength and fortitude of the individual that makes the difference.
My cousin although not paralysed only has one and a half legs. It has only been in the last 10 years that you could even tell when he was walking that was the case. He has never let it stop him.
He now competes in wheelchair basketball, against some who cannot walk but who have represented Australia.
The worst blindness is in our brains, not in our eyes.
Look at what you do have, not at what you want or what you might have had.
jem1964: to say someone that is blind is incapable of not doing anything is ridiculous. It is the same as saying that someone who cannot walk is usless...
Jem, I think you misunderstood it. He meant that if he lost his eyesight on the top of all his disabilities (cannot move, cannot speak), he would not be able to do anything and would not want to live.
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There was a man who was full of plans, whose life changed when he visited a friend for a barbecue. Leaning against the balcony he didn't know what was to come, that it was the last time he stood and talked...
How would you face such a situation?