Even as I write this, I know I'll be criticized
But I don't really care because this is what I feel inside
I just wish I could erase these thoughts in my head
Waking up to another dreadful morning, wishing I was dead
I use to be full of hope and love, now I'm angry and sour
I feel like a rat in a cage full of snakes, waiting to be devoured
And it's not like i haven't thought of suicide, hell a couple of times I tried
Once with a shotgun in my mouth, that jammed, and the other with a dulling kitchen knife
It just feels like I have a thousand demons digging through my brain
Feasting on every memory of happiness until nothing else remains
And my mother, God bless her soul, tells me to turn all my problems over to the Lord
But with every passing second, it seems I question Him more and more
Damnit, I can't take it, my heart no longer feels and my soul is torn
And asking me to go to church would be like asking a nun to do porn
It just won't happen because my faith has been replaced with doubt
And I won't go just to be seen because that's not what it should be about
There's too many hypocrits in this world and I've never been part of the "in crowd"
So I'll just keep hoping that one day God will hear me before my misery causes me to drown