This illustration of that thing you want to try,
are you absolutely sure it can be done?
It looks awfully tricky to my untrained eye,
I can’t imagine why you think it might be fun.

It’s not because I’m getting old and fat,
and confidence in my body that I lack,
but a gymnast would have trouble doing that,
and you know that I have problems with my back.

Just look at the position of this leg,
relative to the placement of the other.
And, my dearest one, your pardon I must beg,
but if you do that with my face I think I’ll smother.

So please remove this idea from your head,
let’s have a cup of tea and watch TV instead.