Shall I compare thee to a wet Monday?
Thou art more miserable and dull.
Watching TV, on thy couch doest thou lie,
guzzling snacks, yet ne’er seem full.

Oft-times too much the effort proves,
exertion for usefulness to devote.
thy sluggish body hardly moves,
save to press the buttons on thy remote.

Apart from thy telly, and need to be fed,
thou seem’st not to have any cares.
Thou doest not a thing betwixt sofa and bed
save to haul thy fat arse up the stairs.

As for contribution to society, to rest some pride upon,
‘tis with regret I say to thee, thou art a slob and maketh none.