Would you be wary of someone who keeps in touch with their ex? (92)
Well since most of my ex's have children I would find it odd if they didnt keep in touch with the Mother of the children, at least until the children are old enough to make their own decisions etc.
It would also depend on how much "keeping in touch" there was, an ex is an ex for a reason so other than children I dont see any reason for a lot of contact.
It would also depend on how much "keeping in touch" there was, an ex is an ex for a reason so other than children I dont see any reason for a lot of contact.
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Hi SDB, wrong forum by any chance? 
I'm not friendly with any of my ex, I tried to make a relationship work before it ends and when it ends, I'm just fairly sick of them.
I think if kids are involved it is good if 2 people are at least on speaking terms. I'm not someone who gets jealous (if I think I need to be jealous, I would get the heck out of Texas), so if he told me about their friendship, I wouldn't mind.
I'm not friendly with any of my ex, I tried to make a relationship work before it ends and when it ends, I'm just fairly sick of them.
I think if kids are involved it is good if 2 people are at least on speaking terms. I'm not someone who gets jealous (if I think I need to be jealous, I would get the heck out of Texas), so if he told me about their friendship, I wouldn't mind.
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Sometimes EXs can stay friends and its good when thers children to be friends.
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KNenagh: Hi SDB, wrong forum by any chance?
I'm not friendly with any of my ex, I tried to make a relationship work before it ends and when it ends, I'm just fairly sick of them.
I think if kids are involved it is good if 2 people are at least on speaking terms. I'm not someone who gets jealous (if I think I need to be jealous, I would get the heck out of Texas), so if he told me about their friendship, I wouldn't mind.
I'm not friendly with any of my ex, I tried to make a relationship work before it ends and when it ends, I'm just fairly sick of them.
I think if kids are involved it is good if 2 people are at least on speaking terms. I'm not someone who gets jealous (if I think I need to be jealous, I would get the heck out of Texas), so if he told me about their friendship, I wouldn't mind.
oops sorry this was meant for the Irish Forums
but sure knock yourselves out
in case anyone is wondering I personally wouldn't mind, the poll was created as a side line to some other chat on the forums!
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Scott1812: Sometimes EXs can stay friends and its good when thers children to be friends.
yes that is a good point
very valid and one I forgot as I don't have kids myself!
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Drat I can't vote, Diva, just depends on too many factors 
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
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tinyfangs: Drat I can't vote, Diva, just depends on too many factors
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
that is a very honest human answer.
it would certainly depend on the amount of contact and if it totally infringed on the new relationship, but like yourself I would always be available to help someone in a real crisis
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It's ok, the ex can come and we will all share a big 
(pizza)
but she needs to bring something to drink
this isn't a restaurant, ya know?
(pizza)but she needs to bring something to drink
this isn't a restaurant, ya know?
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My ex and I are on very good terms, She has her life and I have mine, And we have children to each other and both participate equally in their care and upbringing.
I guess it may also depend on the circumstances of the breakup as to whether or not You remain on good terms with Your ex, In my case there was no infidelity or domestic violence involved or anything like that, rather a change in directon and the loss of a child that precipitated our drifting apart. Sometimes people change it's as simple as that. But I digress.
I guess it may also depend on the circumstances of the breakup as to whether or not You remain on good terms with Your ex, In my case there was no infidelity or domestic violence involved or anything like that, rather a change in directon and the loss of a child that precipitated our drifting apart. Sometimes people change it's as simple as that. But I digress.
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WhistlingDixie: Cant see any harm in popping back to the ex"s providing the current girl friend doesn't know ,
I suppose if she did suspect I"d have to start lieing as well .
No harm done though is there .
I suppose if she did suspect I"d have to start lieing as well .
No harm done though is there .
There's a difference in "Popping back to the ex" and staying in contact. You can't have Your cake and eat it to, that's dishonest and disrespectful to both Your current partner and Your ex.
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No, particularly if children are involved. However, it pays to be a little cautious in some circumstances. I speak from personal experience after getting back with my ex 18 months ago after meeting again at our son's wedding. We had been married ever such a long time, but separated 13 years ago. Our reunion lasted for a year but didn't work out in the end.
Unfortunately, two people were rather hurt in the process. The woman he was seeing and the man I was seeing before our son's wedding.
Although our relationships with those people were not too serious, they still felt let down and hurt.
Unfortunately, two people were rather hurt in the process. The woman he was seeing and the man I was seeing before our son's wedding.
Although our relationships with those people were not too serious, they still felt let down and hurt.------ This poll is Archived ------
janie1305: No, particularly if children are involved. However, it pays to be a little cautious in some circumstances. I speak from personal experience after getting back with my ex 18 months ago after meeting again at our son's wedding. We had been married ever such a long time, but separated 13 years ago. Our reunion lasted for a year but didn't work out in the end.
Unfortunately, two people were rather hurt in the process. The woman he was seeing and the man I was seeing before our son's wedding. Although our relationships with those people were not too serious, they still felt let down and hurt.
Unfortunately, two people were rather hurt in the process. The woman he was seeing and the man I was seeing before our son's wedding. Although our relationships with those people were not too serious, they still felt let down and hurt.
Reason why I am not willing to currently enter a new relationship. Split from my 12 year spent together partner 5 years ago, and it felt definitely finished at the time. Almost all through the relationship I had emotionally supported him while he struggled to find his feet, but it had meant I had been left without feeling protected.. and when he finally did find his feet, it was too late for me, I could not respect him as my male.
Now though, after 5 years that we were really just friends, I am wondering whether we still have a chance. He is due to visit soon, and before I do not know for sure I won't look elsewhere, just would not be fair. I had two relationships in those 5 years, and at the time of them I really just saw him as my friend, so that was okay, but there has been a change and I need clarity in regards to my feelings one way or another. If I should find it is finished for sure, we still would remain friends, but I'd be free to find what I need for myself finally, as I really have spent almost all my life trying to help others out (don't ask, huge helper complex).
All who know me well say it is time for me to find what I need, and some say it is not him, but I think I will know when we meet. Has been 1/2 a year since I moved and we haven't seen each other. Might just be I have come to miss him because I feel often scared and overwhelmed in this new environment, and just miss someone familiar and who I know I can trust.
Either way though it shows that ex relationships can linger on even beyond what one thought, so it is important to be honest with the self and others.
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tinyfangs: Reason why I am not willing to currently enter a new relationship. Split from my 12 year spent together partner 5 years ago, and it felt definitely finished at the time. Almost all through the relationship I had emotionally supported him while he struggled to find his feet, but it had meant I had been left without feeling protected.. and when he finally did find his feet, it was too late for me, I could not respect him as my male.
Now though, after 5 years that we were really just friends, I am wondering whether we still have a chance. He is due to visit soon, and before I do not know for sure I won't look elsewhere, just would not be fair. I had two relationships in those 5 years, and at the time of them I really just saw him as my friend, so that was okay, but there has been a change and I need clarity in regards to my feelings one way or another. If I should find it is finished for sure, we still would remain friends, but I'd be free to find what I need for myself finally, as I really have spent almost all my life trying to help others out (don't ask, huge helper complex).
All who know me well say it is time for me to find what I need, and some say it is not him, but I think I will know when we meet. Has been 1/2 a year since I moved and we haven't seen each other. Might just be I have come to miss him because I feel often scared and overwhelmed in this new environment, and just miss someone familiar and who I know I can trust.
Either way though it shows that ex relationships can linger on even beyond what one thought, so it is important to be honest with the self and others.
Now though, after 5 years that we were really just friends, I am wondering whether we still have a chance. He is due to visit soon, and before I do not know for sure I won't look elsewhere, just would not be fair. I had two relationships in those 5 years, and at the time of them I really just saw him as my friend, so that was okay, but there has been a change and I need clarity in regards to my feelings one way or another. If I should find it is finished for sure, we still would remain friends, but I'd be free to find what I need for myself finally, as I really have spent almost all my life trying to help others out (don't ask, huge helper complex).
All who know me well say it is time for me to find what I need, and some say it is not him, but I think I will know when we meet. Has been 1/2 a year since I moved and we haven't seen each other. Might just be I have come to miss him because I feel often scared and overwhelmed in this new environment, and just miss someone familiar and who I know I can trust.
Either way though it shows that ex relationships can linger on even beyond what one thought, so it is important to be honest with the self and others.
It is hard to forget someone you may have spent a large part of your life with even if you believe the love is no longer there.------ This poll is Archived ------
janie1305: It is hard to forget someone you may have spent a large part of your life with even if you believe the love is no longer there.
I think it is also the trust if you were with someone who was trustworthy. Sometimes not easy to tell the different emotions apart, all the more if you come under pressure from new life situations and are scared.
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anything beyond incidental contact, or making arrangements for children would not be something I'd like, generally.
I guess it would depend on the circumstances for more frequent contact. A death in the family or some special cicumstance....or, they play on the same racquetball league...but just to pal around? no. I should be the female he wants to pal around with....
I think people have different tolerance levels. That's mine above ^, so I'd ask him to think how he'd feel if I was cruisin' around town with an ex???
Probably I would not get involved with someone who does not have a compatible attitude in the first place, tho'
I guess it would depend on the circumstances for more frequent contact. A death in the family or some special cicumstance....or, they play on the same racquetball league...but just to pal around? no. I should be the female he wants to pal around with....
I think people have different tolerance levels. That's mine above ^, so I'd ask him to think how he'd feel if I was cruisin' around town with an ex???
Probably I would not get involved with someone who does not have a compatible attitude in the first place, tho'
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felixis99: anything beyond incidental contact, or making arrangements for children would not be something I'd like, generally.
I guess it would depend on the circumstances for more frequent contact. A death in the family or some special cicumstance....or, they play on the same racquetball league...but just to pal around? no. I should be the female he wants to pal around with.... I think people have different tolerance levels. That's mine above ^, so I'd ask him to think how he'd feel if I was cruisin' around town with an ex??? Probably I would not get involved with someone who does not have a compatible attitude in the first place, tho'
I guess it would depend on the circumstances for more frequent contact. A death in the family or some special cicumstance....or, they play on the same racquetball league...but just to pal around? no. I should be the female he wants to pal around with.... I think people have different tolerance levels. That's mine above ^, so I'd ask him to think how he'd feel if I was cruisin' around town with an ex??? Probably I would not get involved with someone who does not have a compatible attitude in the first place, tho'
Racquetball !
Good post Felix.
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tinyfangs: Drat I can't vote, Diva, just depends on too many factors
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
I really like this answer. I had not thought of things from this perspective. I would most likely leave eventually under those circumstances also. I'm just not sure at what point, but I do understand the inherent conflict in what u are saying. I also would never tell him who to see....but if he was breaching my comfort level I would eventually leave. in a way that;s not fair, but I'd rather handle it that way than appear a nag------ This poll is Archived ------
justjim63: Racquetball !
Good post Felix.
Good post Felix.
thanks! if u ever get to Ohio bring court shoes :)
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felixis99: thanks! if u ever get to Ohio bring court shoes :)
Ok You're on.
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wary?...dunno; i'm unable to pick one of the choices listed.
i think each situation is unique, so it would depend on the relationship...too many factors to generalize.
regardless of the choice, i would hope the relationship was transparent and that each partner was open and honest with each other, and put their focus on their own relationship and chose what worked for them.
for me personally, i would want my partner to let me know if they were in contact with an ex, and why.
i think each situation is unique, so it would depend on the relationship...too many factors to generalize.
regardless of the choice, i would hope the relationship was transparent and that each partner was open and honest with each other, and put their focus on their own relationship and chose what worked for them.
for me personally, i would want my partner to let me know if they were in contact with an ex, and why.
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felixis99: thanks! if u ever get to Ohio bring court shoes :)
side bet...
i've got $5 on felix...a formidable opponent..
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jono7: side bet...
i've got $5 on felix...a formidable opponent..
i've got $5 on felix...a formidable opponent..
I've got $5 on Her aswell, I'm a total unco!..
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Errrmmm...why should I be wary of someone who keeps in touch with their ex...? 
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felixis99: I really like this answer. I had not thought of things from this perspective. I would most likely leave eventually under those circumstances also. I'm just not sure at what point, but I do understand the inherent conflict in what u are saying. I also would never tell him who to see....but if he was breaching my comfort level I would eventually leave. in a way that;s not fair, but I'd rather handle it that way than appear a nag
Yes, nagging just seems wrong and pointless anyway. If someone still has feelings, then they can not help that, and sometimes people are not able to look at their inner worlds closely enough. I'd not blame someone but would observe and eventually draw consequences.Could be though of course that through leaving, the other would realize and maybe even be able to break from a previous relationship. I think that is a lot better than to nag. Nagging tends to just cause frustration for all involved and leads to bad break-ups.
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justjim63: I've got $5 on Her aswell, I'm a total unco!..
hiya jj------ This poll is Archived ------
jono7: hiya jj
Hey Jono, how's things? hope You're well.
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justjim63: Ok You're on.
K, great. now don't get too over confident...I used to be pretty good
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felixis99: K, great. now don't get too over confident...I used to be pretty good
That's what I hear......And I used to be pretty bad!
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tinyfangs: Yes, nagging just seems wrong and pointless anyway. If someone still has feelings, then they can not help that, and sometimes people are not able to look at their inner worlds closely enough. I'd not blame someone but would observe and eventually draw consequences.
Could be though of course that through leaving, the other would realize and maybe even be able to break from a previous relationship. I think that is a lot better than to nag. Nagging tends to just cause frustration for all involved and leads to bad break-ups.
Could be though of course that through leaving, the other would realize and maybe even be able to break from a previous relationship. I think that is a lot better than to nag. Nagging tends to just cause frustration for all involved and leads to bad break-ups.
right. I think a lot of what you're saying speaks to whether someone is really ready for a new, or their next relationship...when the need to stay in contact with an ex is so compelling that they'd risk a current or new relationship. In all fairness, I agree that people can't help how they feel. They can help what they DO about those feelings though. Nonetheless, it could be that they just aren;t ready for anything other than friendship
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Created: Oct 2013
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Last Commented: Oct 2013
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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Would you be wary of someone who keeps in touch with their ex?(Vote Below)
be honest