Would you be wary of someone who keeps in touch with their ex? (92)
Thank you miss.
Count_Me_In: Hi CuddlingSoul, sorry to hear that this has been your experience with some women and sad to hear that they leave a lot to be desired....so maybe it is best that the fathers are involved (where possible), and the kids are being looked after if not by mum but by dad
anyway, hoping for the young ones that someone is there for them...
The sad truth of hope.anyway, hoping for the young ones that someone is there for them...
CuddlingSoul: Logically, if children are involved then it is expected that the mother and father keep in touch...how silly to think that they would not
Some of the chicks that I've dated leave a lot to be desired. It's scary to think that they have children. I'm not going to say any more about it, I think you get the idea.
I hear you and I'm pretty certain your like me and like little people so your stuck avoiding dating someone with children so they are not hurt.Some of the chicks that I've dated leave a lot to be desired. It's scary to think that they have children. I'm not going to say any more about it, I think you get the idea.
chatonlyman2: I hear you and I'm pretty certain your like me and like little people so your stuck avoiding dating someone with children so they are not hurt.
you know, dating someone with kids might just give them (the little people) a real reason to feel great and not feel hurt but good by the experience of knowing you and what you represent in their lives
all the best Chat
chatonlyman2: I hear you and I'm pretty certain your like me and like little people so your stuck avoiding dating someone with children so they are not hurt.
But you could also make a difference in the children's lives too, which is a huge reward.
Depends why.
A common reason that people keep their ex's around is ego. She dumps him but keeps him on the backburner to raise her self-esteem, as a security measure in case she gets her confidence gets knocked by the man she really wants to be with. Men do this too, but not as much.
I wouldn't tolerate this, not because it's a threat per se, but because it's the ego-triumph of the weak - similar to those that rebound.
A common reason that people keep their ex's around is ego. She dumps him but keeps him on the backburner to raise her self-esteem, as a security measure in case she gets her confidence gets knocked by the man she really wants to be with. Men do this too, but not as much.
I wouldn't tolerate this, not because it's a threat per se, but because it's the ego-triumph of the weak - similar to those that rebound.
Obstinance_Works: Depends why.
A common reason that people keep their ex's around is ego. She dumps him but keeps him on the backburner to raise her self-esteem, as a security measure in case she gets her confidence gets knocked by the man she really wants to be with. Men do this too, but not as much.
I wouldn't tolerate this, not because it's a threat per se, but because it's the ego-triumph of the weak - similar to those that rebound.
A common reason that people keep their ex's around is ego. She dumps him but keeps him on the backburner to raise her self-esteem, as a security measure in case she gets her confidence gets knocked by the man she really wants to be with. Men do this too, but not as much.
I wouldn't tolerate this, not because it's a threat per se, but because it's the ego-triumph of the weak - similar to those that rebound.
This is your opinion....when I finished with my ex..I finished with my ex, over, finished and finalized
I do not use other people, such as my ex, to raise who I am as a person
by the way when I was with my ex I was with my ex and not, in any way shape or form concentrating on another guy
the above that you have mentioned...and would not tolerate...well, in the real world you have absolutely zero control of how another person will think, behave and perform....this goes for the weak and also those on the rebound
I think that what you give out to others has a real and intensified way of coming back to you....totally unavoidable
what you give is what you get
as you sow, you reap
how you treat others you will be treated
and the world keeps turning regardless...............
bungallow55: I voted weird, is a weird thing to do.
I had a female co-worker divorced, always checking her
phone for his calls. That's why she was alone, no man
wanted to be closed to her. By the way, they didn't have
kids.
I had a female co-worker divorced, always checking her
phone for his calls. That's why she was alone, no man
wanted to be closed to her. By the way, they didn't have
kids.
and I guess that is why there is a poll. But the question is would you be wary of someone who keeps in touch with their ex? and is not the answer - it depends.
are you someone who is wary of anyone? has the person given you reason to be wary? - are children involved? - what kind of "in touch" are we talking about?
these generic polls with out any specifics..... except your response -
So true that some people keep contact with their exes because they cannot let go and move on - for whatever reason - and often people divorce and remarry.
I have a female friend, that was married twice, and is now back with her first ex-husband - and they are thinking of getting married again - however, the relationship is in serious trouble since they still have not solved the issues that got their divorce so many years ago - his drinking, and fidelity.
Haven't voted or looked at other replies,but my take on this is if children were involved ,it's a no brainer. You would have to stay in touch.
Other than that a definite no. When something is over ,move on.
Other than that a definite no. When something is over ,move on.
My "ex" is my "ex"........meaning it the past and it is over; no need to maintain contact even if kids are involved. At this time and age kids have their personal cell phones, emails, FB etc......; there is no reason for me to be a medium between my kids and their father. JMO
If she keeps it as a secret then its a problem..
I've got that many ex's that I've lost count , my son's mother and I will still chat now and then , but its only about where our son is , but hes over 30 years old now , my daughters mother wont talk at all , but her best friends will , my daughter is 28 next month ....the rest might as well be at war or worse if I forget and put a comment on one of their blogs here ......yes my ...brown earth pig year sure gets me in trouble ..
Hey there :D
Well I do keep in touch every now and then with my ex and as far as I know my bf has no problem with that... and if... why would him? Im quite far now and if it's and ex and he is my current... that clearly states that Im not interested in getting back with my ex bf , isnt it?
And I do know he keeps in touch with a couple of his ex. Wich is ok with me.
But I would get mad if they show up at our place. And probably kick some asses .
LOL
Well I do keep in touch every now and then with my ex and as far as I know my bf has no problem with that... and if... why would him? Im quite far now and if it's and ex and he is my current... that clearly states that Im not interested in getting back with my ex bf , isnt it?
And I do know he keeps in touch with a couple of his ex. Wich is ok with me.
But I would get mad if they show up at our place. And probably kick some asses .
LOL
What a coincedence.Only last month whilst i was sunbathing on my patio with a lady,she asked me the same question.
I hadnt got the heart to tell she was lying on top of her.
I hadnt got the heart to tell she was lying on top of her.
online today!no doubt rubbing your shoulders.....what a nice lady........
tinyfangs: Drat I can't vote, Diva, just depends on too many factors
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
I am not a jealous type, I don't believe in jealousy, but I do have extreme protection needs, and if I'd feel a partner's focuss to protect would be too 'spread out' I'd have issues with that. If he'd drop everything for an ex just to help her out whenever she'd ask, I'd feel he could not protect me, and I know I'd just withdraw into my tested shell. I'd never make a scene, never would ask him to stop it as I'd not feel that right, but I'd withdraw within and eventually I'd leave.
Would she have a real need of help though, I'd be there like a shot too. Guess I'd actually try befriend her anyway, then I could come to the rescue and he'd not have to and be free to rescue me instead from the mud I sank in pulling her out
A better way to address this topic would be to dissect it into details, i.e. ,"Would you be wary of someone who frequently skypes, chats, etc..., or goes to coffee/lunch/dinner, or hangs out at the exes' place a lot, and so on. It is not in and of itself a negative simply to "keep in touch", especially when there are kids, grown or not, but it would be about the intensity and ulterior motive(s). JM O
rebel2: What a coincedence.Only last month whilst i was sunbathing on my patio with a lady,she asked me the same question.
I hadnt got the heart to tell she was lying on top of her.
I hadnt got the heart to tell she was lying on top of her.
Good Man
Tell them nothing ,and if you have to ,tell them a little Truth surrounded by an Armada of lies .
It has been fascinating reading all the replies here, thank you to everyone who posted.
As I said at the beginning it was meant for the IE Forums in response to something being discussed (would you send an ex a christmas card?)
But am glad you all had a bit of interest in the topic too.
There are no right or wrong answers....but good to discuss how we feel.
Keep it real people
As I said at the beginning it was meant for the IE Forums in response to something being discussed (would you send an ex a christmas card?)
But am glad you all had a bit of interest in the topic too.
There are no right or wrong answers....but good to discuss how we feel.
Keep it real people
Cyn_Real: .. and I found it is so weird when a couple said that they never been jealous each other at all in the long run...In small percentage, yes of course we all have it if we really have exclusivity with our current partner whether we agree or not...
I think if the right individuals meet, who know how to make each other feel safe and protected, know how to make one another feel special, they can go without jealousy. They have to same time not be burdened by lots of insecurities which they dragged already into the relationship, which has become tough in this world.. but I do not believe jealousy has to always be part, even just in small measure.
Very rarely one comes across a couple who one will know they share such a special bond. They can be seperated by a whole crowd of people while standing at opposite corners in the room, and still one will sense that bond, and I don't think such a bond can exist if there is ever jealousy/insecurity in regards to what they share.
But it is indeed very very very rare, so though will it be rare that one ever has lightning strike into the ground just before one's feet - nonetheless I had that happen. Rare doesn't mean impossible, it just means.. rare
The occassional contact wouldnt bother me,i am confident enough to know i can keep my partner happy in our relationship.
rebel2: The occassional contact wouldnt bother me,i am confident enough to know i can keep my partner happy in our relationship.
You just beautifully put into one sentence I'd probably would end up writing a whole novel for
tinyfangs: You just beautifully put into one sentence I'd probably would end up writing a whole novel for
Thats very kind of you,thankyou.Nice to meet you
rebel2: Thats very kind of you,thankyou.
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
Nit to meet you too
(and only speaking the truth, that sentence really was beautiful and how one needs to feel)
tinyfangs: Nit Nice to meet you too
(and only speaking the truth, that sentence really was beautiful and how one needs to feel)
(and only speaking the truth, that sentence really was beautiful and how one needs to feel)
tinyfangs: but I do not believe jealousy has to always be part, even just in small measure.
Very rarely one comes across a couple who one will know they share such a special bond. They can be seperated by a whole crowd of people while standing at opposite corners in the room, and still one will sense that bond, and I don't think such a bond can exist if there is ever jealousy/insecurity
Very rarely one comes across a couple who one will know they share such a special bond. They can be seperated by a whole crowd of people while standing at opposite corners in the room, and still one will sense that bond, and I don't think such a bond can exist if there is ever jealousy/insecurity
Nice post btw...But I still stand on my opinion... we are neither angels nor prophets nor cyborgs nor robots... IMO, man-woman relationship with 0% jealousy is just tooooooooooo perfect... I am amazed when some people never admit their own insecurities yet they made very contradictive comments when it comes to the other men/women topics or any kind of topics relate to trust/honesty/integrity... some said that jealousy is a poison feeling yet they make many rules once they have exclusivity with their lovers.... some even said that they are feel rejected when their former lovers addicted to sports channel instead of them..LOL...but each to their own...I mean its cute when it displays in small percentage... but in huge percentage is a disaster of course...
Nope. I am still best friends with my son's dad.
And then the last guy I was seeing lived with his ex-girlfriend as a roommate. I met her and wanted to kick him out and go live with her myself! Within three minutes of meeting me she was giving me a neck rub! I had a migraine and she could tell.
I am now an ex to him and I see why she didn't want to be with him 
it just didn't take me ten years like her to realize it, just a few months. 
And then the last guy I was seeing lived with his ex-girlfriend as a roommate. I met her and wanted to kick him out and go live with her myself! Within three minutes of meeting me she was giving me a neck rub! I had a migraine and she could tell.
I am now an ex to him and I see why she didn't want to be with him it just didn't take me ten years like her to realize it, just a few months. Cyn_Real: Nice post btw...But I still stand on my opinion... we are neither angels nor prophets nor cyborgs nor robots... IMO, man-woman relationship with 0% jealousy is just tooooooooooo perfect... I am amazed when some people never admit their own insecurities yet they made very contradictive comments when it comes to the other men/women topics or any kind of topics relate to trust/honesty/integrity... some said that jealousy is a poison feeling yet they make many rules once they have exclusivity with their lovers.... some even said that they are feel rejected when their former lovers addicted to sports channel instead of them..LOL...but each to their own...I mean its cute when it displays in small percentage... but in huge percentage is a disaster of course...
I am in agreement with you on the average of what human society has to offer
but not everyone is the same.Jealousy is born from insecurities.
Some insecurities can be a product from life in this world overall, and people who suffer them will find it hard to avoid jealousy full stop.
Others might not usually feel insecure, but begin to feel insecure in the relationship.
For the first case, I for example know my worth. I know who I am, know what I am able to give to another, so if I would feel jealousy, it would have to be because the other for whatever reason leaves me feeling unsafe. If they would leave me feeling that way though, I'd try to first communicate to find solutions together, but if it would persists I'd draw the consequences and leave.
Jealousy is not a pleasant feeling, neither for the one suffering from it, nor for the one at the receiving end. But a relationship should be about being stronger together than what each is alone, and thus unpleasant feelings and things who keep a barrier going are in my view a hindrence to forming a loving unit.
A person needs to be at one with there own inner emotions before they can expext to understand,or accept the emotions of others.
JeanKimberley: and I guess that is why there is a poll. But the question is would you be wary of someone who keeps in touch with their ex? and is not the answer - it depends.
are you someone who is wary of anyone? has the person given you reason to be wary? - are children involved? - what kind of "in touch" are we talking about?
these generic polls with out any specifics..... except your response -
So true that some people keep contact with their exes because they cannot let go and move on - for whatever reason - and often people divorce and remarry.
I have a female friend, that was married twice, and is now back with her first ex-husband - and they are thinking of getting married again - however, the relationship is in serious trouble since they still have not solved the issues that got their divorce so many years ago - his drinking, and fidelity.
are you someone who is wary of anyone? has the person given you reason to be wary? - are children involved? - what kind of "in touch" are we talking about?
these generic polls with out any specifics..... except your response -
So true that some people keep contact with their exes because they cannot let go and move on - for whatever reason - and often people divorce and remarry.
I have a female friend, that was married twice, and is now back with her first ex-husband - and they are thinking of getting married again - however, the relationship is in serious trouble since they still have not solved the issues that got their divorce so many years ago - his drinking, and fidelity.
hello jean
my thinking is in a situation like that of your friend, she or both of them are rebounding into familiarity...they know the problems....but like the closeness of familiarity. It is easy to mistake that for love and i guess, in a way, it is a kind of love, sort of. it may be enough to keep them close but will be enough to facilitate the changes needed to keep them together?
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Please correct me iff im wrong , but I find this attitude completely Selfish .