Why do men seam to have a dim view of women that already have children ? (149)
Amity: Good point!!
Thats one of the reasons i dont wish to date...i do not want my children being attached to someone that just disappears.
They have already had to deal with that from their father so why should i put them in that scenario again?
That said...It should not be a deterrent for some not dating...You never know whats round the corner.
Thats one of the reasons i dont wish to date...i do not want my children being attached to someone that just disappears.
They have already had to deal with that from their father so why should i put them in that scenario again?
That said...It should not be a deterrent for some not dating...You never know whats round the corner.
You have a point. But I also think it depends on the age of the kids too. Teenagers should be able to form their own opinions have their own relationships and a sense of perspective.
I've never made her having children a problem. It's always been the other way around for me. I suppose we sometimes just pick the wrong people!
mnstrk: I can't speak for everyone but I'm worked that I'll get attached emotionally to the kids. If things don't work out for me and there mother then how do I say goodbye to the kids?
I can see your point! but by the time you get introduced to them you should know if it is going good between yourself and your partner, but hey if it don't work what can u do! you just have to move on, kids get over these things quick enough, you on the other hand might not
I'm glad I found this thread. A stupid fellow just told me that "real men" don't want any woman with children, they will just be a burden to them. Needless to say, I was about to blow! Who does this a**hole think he is, talking about real men? He certainly aint one! I think what pissed him off was that i told him i wasn't interested in his offer to "be my friend" to assuage my 'loneliness' (he means horniness of course, cuz he probably thinks single moms are so hard up we'd accept any man). In any case, my philosophy is that my kids are a blessing and any man who isnt interested in me because of them is good riddance anyhow.
ilnqn: I'm glad I found this thread. A stupid fellow just told me that "real men" don't want any woman with children, they will just be a burden to them. Needless to say, I was about to blow! Who does this a**hole think he is, talking about real men? He certainly aint one! I think what pissed him off was that i told him i wasn't interested in his offer to "be my friend" to assuage my 'loneliness' (he means horniness of course, cuz he probably thinks single moms are so hard up we'd accept any man). In any case, my philosophy is that my kids are a blessing and any man who isnt interested in me because of them is good riddance anyhow.
It's really not a comlicated concept. Firstly you have the primeval instinct theory... which is that each man subconsciously feels attached to his own seed and DNA, and doesn't want to rear children and accept the accompanying burdens that someone elses child gives him. A much more simple (and brutal) version of this is seen in nature, when male lions take over a new pride... they get rid of the cubs from the old price. While of course humans don't do this, the principle is there... another mans child creates a power struggle and possible obstruction between you and a female.
Secondly, most men at the time of finding a good woman are not wanting children, this is something generally raised in the mature stages of a relationship. A woman already with child presents the issue at the very start of the relationship, and as every man knows... this will create major stumbling blocks and inconveniences in dating... arranging babysitters, juggling the relationship with the child as well as with her, etc etc... all the stuff that goes along with it.
Now yes of course men can love other mens children... but you asked why there was such negativity towards it, and I am presenting you with the objective, (purposefully) cold and realistic view of why single mothers often complain as you do. Hope it may have provided a bit of insight.
Secondly, most men at the time of finding a good woman are not wanting children, this is something generally raised in the mature stages of a relationship. A woman already with child presents the issue at the very start of the relationship, and as every man knows... this will create major stumbling blocks and inconveniences in dating... arranging babysitters, juggling the relationship with the child as well as with her, etc etc... all the stuff that goes along with it.
Now yes of course men can love other mens children... but you asked why there was such negativity towards it, and I am presenting you with the objective, (purposefully) cold and realistic view of why single mothers often complain as you do. Hope it may have provided a bit of insight.
bjk68: Yeah that may be, but threads have a tendency to evolve as they progress... just like conversations in the real world do
Kinda of that same selfish passion every human finds themselves dealing with, or not. 
My wife had two children from her first marriage, i never looked at them as baggage,
I don't have problem with it... As long as their ex's is not part of the conversation.
robsantiago15: I don't have problem with it... As long as their ex's is not part of the conversation.
Well I should think the possibility of the ex coming into the the conversation with regards to their children is more than likely.
leonjs49: if i'm fortunate enough to fall in love with someome that has children, her children would be loved, protected & cared for as they we my own
my sentiments entirely.
EnglishInZurich: It's really not a comlicated concept. Firstly you have the primeval instinct theory... which is that each man subconsciously feels attached to his own seed and DNA, and doesn't want to rear children and accept the accompanying burdens that someone elses child gives him. A much more simple (and brutal) version of this is seen in nature, when male lions take over a new pride... they get rid of the cubs from the old price. While of course humans don't do this, the principle is there... another mans child creates a power struggle and possible obstruction between you and a female.
Secondly, most men at the time of finding a good woman are not wanting children, this is something generally raised in the mature stages of a relationship. A woman already with child presents the issue at the very start of the relationship, and as every man knows... this will create major stumbling blocks and inconveniences in dating... arranging babysitters, juggling the relationship with the child as well as with her, etc etc... all the stuff that goes along with it.
Now yes of course men can love other mens children... but you asked why there was such negativity towards it, and I am presenting you with the objective, (purposefully) cold and realistic view of why single mothers often complain as you do. Hope it may have provided a bit of insight.
Secondly, most men at the time of finding a good woman are not wanting children, this is something generally raised in the mature stages of a relationship. A woman already with child presents the issue at the very start of the relationship, and as every man knows... this will create major stumbling blocks and inconveniences in dating... arranging babysitters, juggling the relationship with the child as well as with her, etc etc... all the stuff that goes along with it.
Now yes of course men can love other mens children... but you asked why there was such negativity towards it, and I am presenting you with the objective, (purposefully) cold and realistic view of why single mothers often complain as you do. Hope it may have provided a bit of insight.
Look at it this way: they are not his children and he dont think of them as his or he would be where the action is. They(the children) are hers and if you love her, then the children are part of the package deal. All or nowt chuck. No other way to see it.
shameg: I do get that sence of men viewing me in someway as being disadvantaged , which i find very frustrating , i work i support myself and my daughter, men seam to think you want someone to leach off which i find ridiculous
It is frustrating that some men see us single mums that way but there are some nice ones out there
ilnqn: I'm glad I found this thread. A stupid fellow just told me that "real men" don't want any woman with children, they will just be a burden to them. Needless to say, I was about to blow! Who does this a**hole think he is, talking about real men? He certainly aint one! I think what pissed him off was that i told him i wasn't interested in his offer to "be my friend" to assuage my 'loneliness' (he means horniness of course, cuz he probably thinks single moms are so hard up we'd accept any man). In any case, my philosophy is that my kids are a blessing and any man who isnt interested in me because of them is good riddance anyhow.
Unfortunatly some people still live in the 15th century. Imagine you living in Malta, the only country in the world together with the Philippines were divorce is still illegal.
If a man really is interessted in buildin a relationship, he will see your kids as part of you, and not as a baggage or anything else. But I beleive things has to be clear from the begining then, since single mothers not always want children again, and this can create some problems if the relationship gets much deep.
If a man really is interessted in buildin a relationship, he will see your kids as part of you, and not as a baggage or anything else. But I beleive things has to be clear from the begining then, since single mothers not always want children again, and this can create some problems if the relationship gets much deep.
shameg: I have noticed some comments when i have received mail regarding me being a single parent.
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
Let me give you some insights of what a man thinks about a women with children who is either divorced, separated, or have been widowed from her ex-husband for some reason and wants to start dating and possibly marriage with another man for starting another family.
First off, most men will respect you for the sacrifices you have made in child rearing and single-parenting and supporting your child in the best ways that you can. There will be no denying that! Okay?
What I see as a possible problem is that they are worried that your ex-husband will be somehow be "lurking" around in the background in whatever way to mess with your proposed new life. Certainly he will ALWAYS be involved in your child life...visitation rights, etc. He doesn't know the mindset of your ex...whether he wishes you the best, or is jealous of you and your new life with another man in your life. Will be jealous of you? Be the disruptive force in your new family setting? disrupted effect.
Then there will be always the problem of your children "accepting" someone else as there Father. Maybe they will, maybe they won't...there will always be this confusion lurking around in the father's mind. When he talk about the promise of marriage, with your new man, it is a "packaged deal", children included, whether they love the new father, or not. You being the birth mother of the child will NOT face have to face that situation! They will always love you, but the Step-father figure entering into their life? I wouldn't be so certain of that myself.
Way to completely miss the point of my post with the lions thing (I realise the analogy may be aove some of you, no matter how clearly I laid it out)... and I was talking about single mothers complaining about lack of men or men running when they find out they have kids. I have friends who are single mothers, its a regular complaint of theirs. Ahh well, hope some of you got the reference. :)
EnglishInZurich: Way to completely miss the point of my post with the lions thing (I realise the analogy may be aove some of you, no matter how clearly I laid it out)... and I was talking about single mothers complaining about lack of men or men running when they find out they have kids. I have friends who are single mothers, its a regular complaint of theirs. Ahh well, hope some of you got the reference and what I was trying to explain. :)
Yes.....uhuh...
Thats so true..its like if your a single mom..men think you want them for money. Not true..Ive been a single mom for 18 yrs. and never even got child support (deadbeat dad) but I do my best to take care of them..always have and always will.
Amity: Yes.....uhuh...
Yes, uhuh. With an intelligent response like that to counter my argument, my confidence is truly shattered.
You just didn't get the point I was making about why many men have an instinctual and indeed societal aversion to women with children that arent theirs... i'm cool with it. :)
I only date men that have kids..cuz men who havent had any kids dont understand that sometimes you have to break off a date to tend to your kids. Men who dont have kids want all your attention all the time and dont understand that your kids come first. Men with kids do understand. I rather date a man with kids even if the kids already left the nest. But at least they understand where Im coming from.
shameg: I have noticed some comments when i have received mail regarding me being a single parent.
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
hi shameq,
I have dated some-one in the past that had two children from a former relationship and had no problems at all. I think if you want to be with some-one who has children then they are part of the relationship. I honestly dont know the answer to your question so all I can say is if the man does not accept your children as part of you then say bye bye and move on.
EnglishInZurich: Yes, uhuh. With an intelligent response like that to counter my argument, my confidence is truly shattered.
You just didn't get the point I was making about why many men have an instinctual and indeed societal aversion to women with children that arent theirs... i'm cool with it. :)
You just didn't get the point I was making about why many men have an instinctual and indeed societal aversion to women with children that arent theirs... i'm cool with it. :)
Not at all dear...
I just cannot be arsed quite honestly.
But you knock yaself out ok?
While we single mums complain about lack of men n such
EnglishInZurich: It's really not a comlicated concept. Firstly you have the primeval instinct theory... which is that each man subconsciously feels attached to his own seed and DNA, and doesn't want to rear children and accept the accompanying burdens that someone elses child gives him. A much more simple (and brutal) version of this is seen in nature, when male lions take over a new pride... they get rid of the cubs from the old price. While of course humans don't do this, the principle is there... another mans child creates a power struggle and possible obstruction between you and a female.
Secondly, most men at the time of finding a good woman are not wanting children, this is something generally raised in the mature stages of a relationship. A woman already with child presents the issue at the very start of the relationship, and as every man knows... this will create major stumbling blocks and inconveniences in dating... arranging babysitters, juggling the relationship with the child as well as with her, etc etc... all the stuff that goes along with it.
Now yes of course men can love other mens children... but you asked why there was such negativity towards it, and I am presenting you with the objective, (purposefully) cold and realistic view of why single mothers often complain as you do. Hope it may have provided a bit of insight.
Secondly, most men at the time of finding a good woman are not wanting children, this is something generally raised in the mature stages of a relationship. A woman already with child presents the issue at the very start of the relationship, and as every man knows... this will create major stumbling blocks and inconveniences in dating... arranging babysitters, juggling the relationship with the child as well as with her, etc etc... all the stuff that goes along with it.
Now yes of course men can love other mens children... but you asked why there was such negativity towards it, and I am presenting you with the objective, (purposefully) cold and realistic view of why single mothers often complain as you do. Hope it may have provided a bit of insight.
I hear you!! Getting a babysitter for a 20 year old is nigh on impossible.........
Good post though!
shameg: I have noticed some comments when i have received mail regarding me being a single parent.
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
They are all valid questions but it all boils down to the timing and how those questions are put.
My guess is that there all too much too soon if they are unprompted by your replies?
A well enough rounded person will see if and when such questions are not invited.
shameg: I have noticed some comments when i have received mail regarding me being a single parent.
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
lolsome women crack me up; they say they want honesty and someone to let them know how they feel. When a man is honest and tells them how they feel and their concerns, some women are negative because they dont' like the answer. lol
Why dont' you just say, "I want to know what you feel as long as you agree with me and tell me what I want to hear."
There are a lot of women; NOT ALL; that are having kids in irresponsible ways; the STD rate is the highest in the history of any first world country; a 54% divorce rate;
Until we be real and stop all the nonsense of not dealing with problems, the U.S. and UK will not change. Spains divorce rate is 19%. Talk things out and listen and dont' just rip on someone if their view isn't the norm.
99% of the world thought the world was flat at one time too.
shameg: I have noticed some comments when i have received mail regarding me being a single parent.
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
And dont' get me started on the men; men need to stop being scumbags and step up.
Women pick better men; men be better men.
it's not all women... just a limited few.
shameg: I have noticed some comments when i have received mail regarding me being a single parent.
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
So what do you do apart from child rearing ?
How old were you when you had your daughter ?
So do you work ?
this puts me straight off someone. Can someone give me an insight of such negitivity towards single parents ?
AM a single mom, never been married, why should i? and i can survived, even i can finished my Bachelor degree, not local school, but abroad school with international certification, and i pay all my self + raise my own daughter from my own pocket + look after my mom, even i have nothing big right now, but daughter go to good english conversation school in local area, pay good, and i can efford to do so, and that me.
IF MAN Complaint about it, please go away. with me is easy, take it or leave it, forget about am single mother or not, but see what i already done so far.
Good luck Shameg...women can do best with or without man complaint us, single mother.
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Yeah that may be, but threads have a tendency to evolve as they progress... just like conversations in the real world do