Married and Divorced (25)
What is the limit on marriages and divorces you would consider when considering someone for a possible mate? Once, twice, three times, four or more?
Does how many times a person has been married affect whether or not you would be interested in a serious relationship with him/her?
I know two people who have been married and divorced 4 times and are looking again. They are charming people, fairly average looking, but very charming and romantic. They always seem to find a lot of people interested in them and never lack for romantic partners. I wonder about the people who want to marry them. After the third marriage, I'd have quite a few reservations....
Knowing these people, I see them as die hard romantics, always believing in romance and when one relationhsip doesn't work out, they move on to the next.
I would not be interested in anyone who has already been married and divorced twice....I would be skeptical that he could sustain a long lasting relationship, based on his history.
Does how many times a person has been married affect whether or not you would be interested in a serious relationship with him/her?
I know two people who have been married and divorced 4 times and are looking again. They are charming people, fairly average looking, but very charming and romantic. They always seem to find a lot of people interested in them and never lack for romantic partners. I wonder about the people who want to marry them. After the third marriage, I'd have quite a few reservations....
Knowing these people, I see them as die hard romantics, always believing in romance and when one relationhsip doesn't work out, they move on to the next.
I would not be interested in anyone who has already been married and divorced twice....I would be skeptical that he could sustain a long lasting relationship, based on his history.
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divorced three...widowed one
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oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.
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shipoker55: divorced three...widowed one
Of course, my attitude may be based on age and experience. Do you think older people are more flexible about this issue than younger ones? Actually, the woman I know who has been married 4 times is only in her early thirties.....Wow, married 4 times already...You'd think that would send out major warning signals to any man...but she has no trouble finding men who want to marry her....interesting. She's pretty, but not fantastically beautiful or anything, pretty normal, but, I imagine, very charming....
Anyway, the question is, does the attitude about marrying someone who has 3 or 4 past marriages change as people get older?
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shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.
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shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.
Thanks for the input.
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I would not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone who had been married and divorced more than once.
It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby
It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby
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Zellarrone1: I would not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone who had been married and divorced more than once.
It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby
It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby
I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship.
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I don't believe in marriage. I don't care how many times somebody was divorced. I am willing to marry if that is what needs to be, with the right woman of course....and after being together for at least 3-5 years....
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Portiea: I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship.
Some of us as slow learners ... when it comes to listening to actions not words, really seeing, paying attention to inner voice (the good one) etc ...
I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...
Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ...
Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...
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FlowerOfTheSun: Some of us as slow learners ... when it comes to listening to actions not words, really seeing, paying attention to inner voice (the good one) etc ...
I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...
Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ... Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...
I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...
Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ... Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...
I have that T shirt
and I agree.. it does take a lot more guts.
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Claayer: I have that T shirt
and I agree.. it does take a lot more guts.
and I agree.. it does take a lot more guts.
If we had a T shirt for every of our "learning" experiences some of us would never need to go shopping!!! 
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Once for me was my limit..that was more than enough.....
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FlowerOfTheSun: Some of us as slow learners ... when it comes to listening to actions not words, really seeing, paying attention to inner voice (the good one) etc ...
I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...
Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ... Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...
I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...
Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ... Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...
"I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship."
My commnent is not meant as 'judgement' of anyone but as something I would certainly consider as part of the considerations I would be making in choosing a life partner. For myself, I've been in long term relationships and could have chosen to marry but didn't because I believed, correctly, it was not a good idea. My romantic idea about marriage is that it should happen one time and last for all of my life--very idealistic I know, but I think, given the correct union of two people, it is possible. If you knew me, you would know that I expend an inordinate amount of thought on self-reflection and 'learning' from my mistakes--one reason I have turned down some very 'romantic' opportunities as I wait for a more sustainable relationship.
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Portiea: "I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship."
My commnent is not meant as 'judgement' of anyone but as something I would certainly consider as part of the considerations I would be making in choosing a life partner. For myself, I've been in long term relationships and could have chosen to marry but didn't because I believed, correctly, it was not a good idea. My romantic idea about marriage is that it should happen one time and last for all of my life--very idealistic I know, but I think, given the correct union of two people, it is possible. If you knew me, you would know that I expend an inordinate amount of thought on self-reflection and 'learning' from my mistakes--one reason I have turned down some very 'romantic' opportunities as I wait for a more sustainable relationship.
My commnent is not meant as 'judgement' of anyone but as something I would certainly consider as part of the considerations I would be making in choosing a life partner. For myself, I've been in long term relationships and could have chosen to marry but didn't because I believed, correctly, it was not a good idea. My romantic idea about marriage is that it should happen one time and last for all of my life--very idealistic I know, but I think, given the correct union of two people, it is possible. If you knew me, you would know that I expend an inordinate amount of thought on self-reflection and 'learning' from my mistakes--one reason I have turned down some very 'romantic' opportunities as I wait for a more sustainable relationship.
Sounds like may be we both "came across" as judgemental to/of one another as we both felt the need to justify our opinions/experiences/reasoning ...
May you soon meet someone with whom you are happy and long may it last 
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shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.
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StressFree: I don't believe in marriage. I don't care how many times somebody was divorced. I am willing to marry if that is what needs to be, with the right woman of course....and after being together for at least 3-5 years....
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shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.
completely agree
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Zellarrone1: I would not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone who had been married and divorced more than once.
It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby
It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby
Amen!
I have no time for them. It gets worse if they have kids with ten different women. I'm not getting involved with such men. HELL NOOOOOOOOO!
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StressFree: I don't believe in marriage. I don't care how many times somebody was divorced. I am willing to marry if that is what needs to be, with the right woman of course....and after being together for at least 3-5 years....
If you don't believe in marriage why would you marry someone at all? Even if it was with "the right woman". Do you believe that "the right woman" would change your views on marriage?
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froggy1: If you don't believe in marriage why would you marry someone at all? Even if it was with "the right woman". Do you believe that "the right woman" would change your views on marriage?
Nice question.
Well, Stress...
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froggy1: If you don't believe in marriage why would you marry someone at all? Even if it was with "the right woman". Do you believe that "the right woman" would change your views on marriage?
If it really meant that much to her to get married, then I would get married? The right woman wold not change my views on marriage. Anything else?
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StressFree: If it really meant that much to her to get married, then I would get married? The right woman wold not change my views on marriage. Anything else?
Well, that is sweet of you I guess. I don't believe in marriage either. Don't think I would ever get married, even if I met the right guy. But I think that you are probably a better person than me for being willing to marry if it meant that much to your partner.
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froggy1: But I think that you are probably a better person than me for being willing to marry if it meant that much to your partner.
I would not say that. You have your beliefs and that is cool. I am just saying that I would be flexible if I were to meet somebody who I can consider being with for the rest of my life. If it really meant everything to her to get married, then I would give that to her.Either way, I don't see marriage as a big deal. I can do without it, but if I have to in order to be with somebody who I think I can be happy with for the rest of my life, then so be it. Nothing would change in my view towards marriage.
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Didn't we have this exact same thread a couple weeks ago?The number wouldn't really matter to me as much as the reasons. And there are a lot of people who've never been married, or only once, who've been in several long term relationships that might as well have been marriages, who might be even more "high risk."
I listen to how people talk about their past relationships. what they have to say about exes, and go more by that. If they have unfinished business they'r going to drag into a new relationship, they need to work on that themselves. I'm not in the fixer-upper business.
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Created: May 2008
Last Viewed: Apr 23
Last Commented: May 2008
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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Married and Divorced(Vote Below)
Does how many times a person has been married affect whether or not you would be interested in a serious relationship with him/her?
I know two people who have been married and divorced 4 times and are looking again. They are charming people, fairly average looking, but very charming and romantic. They always seem to find a lot of people interested in them and never lack for romantic partners. I wonder about the people who want to marry them. After the third marriage, I'd have quite a few reservations....
Knowing these people, I see them as die hard romantics, always believing in romance and when one relationhsip doesn't work out, they move on to the next.
I would not be interested in anyone who has already been married and divorced twice....I would be skeptical that he could sustain a long lasting relationship, based on his history.