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Married and Divorced ( Archived) (25)

May 25, 2008 1:03 PM CSTMarried and Divorced
Portiea
PortieaPortieaKonstanz, Baden-Wuerttemberg, Germany114 Threads 14 Polls 5,448 Posts

Married and Divorced(Vote Below)

- (To Vote: select an option above, then press this button)
once
33
34%
twice
14
14%
three times
1
1%
four times
1
1%
more than four times
2
2%
never married
46
47%
Total Votes
97
What is the limit on marriages and divorces you would consider when considering someone for a possible mate? Once, twice, three times, four or more?


Does how many times a person has been married affect whether or not you would be interested in a serious relationship with him/her?

I know two people who have been married and divorced 4 times and are looking again. They are charming people, fairly average looking, but very charming and romantic. They always seem to find a lot of people interested in them and never lack for romantic partners. I wonder about the people who want to marry them. After the third marriage, I'd have quite a few reservations....

Knowing these people, I see them as die hard romantics, always believing in romance and when one relationhsip doesn't work out, they move on to the next.

I would not be interested in anyone who has already been married and divorced twice....I would be skeptical that he could sustain a long lasting relationship, based on his history.
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May 25, 2008 1:03 PM CST Married and Divorced
Portiea
PortieaPortieaKonstanz, Baden-Wuerttemberg Germany114 Threads 14 Polls 5,448 Posts
What is the limit on marriages and divorces you would consider when considering someone for a possible mate? Once, twice, three times, four or more?


Does how many times a person has been married affect whether or not you would be interested in a serious relationship with him/her?

I know two people who have been married and divorced 4 times and are looking again. They are charming people, fairly average looking, but very charming and romantic. They always seem to find a lot of people interested in them and never lack for romantic partners. I wonder about the people who want to marry them. After the third marriage, I'd have quite a few reservations....

Knowing these people, I see them as die hard romantics, always believing in romance and when one relationhsip doesn't work out, they move on to the next.

I would not be interested in anyone who has already been married and divorced twice....I would be skeptical that he could sustain a long lasting relationship, based on his history.
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May 25, 2008 1:08 PM CST Married and Divorced
shipoker55
shipoker55shipoker55St. Petersburg, Florida USA256 Threads 2 Polls 12,797 Posts
divorced three...widowed one
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May 25, 2008 1:10 PM CST Married and Divorced
shipoker55
shipoker55shipoker55St. Petersburg, Florida USA256 Threads 2 Polls 12,797 Posts
oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.
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May 25, 2008 1:12 PM CST Married and Divorced
Portiea
PortieaPortieaKonstanz, Baden-Wuerttemberg Germany114 Threads 14 Polls 5,448 Posts
shipoker55: divorced three...widowed one


Of course, my attitude may be based on age and experience. Do you think older people are more flexible about this issue than younger ones? Actually, the woman I know who has been married 4 times is only in her early thirties.....Wow, married 4 times already...You'd think that would send out major warning signals to any man...but she has no trouble finding men who want to marry her....interesting. She's pretty, but not fantastically beautiful or anything, pretty normal, but, I imagine, very charming....dunno

Anyway, the question is, does the attitude about marrying someone who has 3 or 4 past marriages change as people get older?
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May 25, 2008 1:15 PM CST Married and Divorced
friendsfirst
friendsfirstfriendsfirstBurbank, Illinois USA122 Threads 1 Polls 7,648 Posts
shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.


thumbs up
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May 25, 2008 1:27 PM CST Married and Divorced
Portiea
PortieaPortieaKonstanz, Baden-Wuerttemberg Germany114 Threads 14 Polls 5,448 Posts
shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.


Thanks for the input.cheers
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May 25, 2008 1:30 PM CST Married and Divorced
Zellarrone1
Zellarrone1Zellarrone1Hull, East Riding of Yorkshire, England UK37 Threads 5 Polls 10,047 Posts
I would not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone who had been married and divorced more than once.

It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby uh oh
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May 25, 2008 1:33 PM CST Married and Divorced
Portiea
PortieaPortieaKonstanz, Baden-Wuerttemberg Germany114 Threads 14 Polls 5,448 Posts
Zellarrone1: I would not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone who had been married and divorced more than once.

It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby


I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship.thumbs up
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May 25, 2008 1:57 PM CST Married and Divorced
I don't believe in marriage. I don't care how many times somebody was divorced. I am willing to marry if that is what needs to be, with the right woman of course....and after being together for at least 3-5 years....
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May 25, 2008 2:16 PM CST Married and Divorced
FlowerOfTheSun
FlowerOfTheSunFlowerOfTheSunMalaga, Andalusia Spain9 Threads 1,390 Posts
Portiea: I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship.



Some of us as slow learners ... when it comes to listening to actions not words, really seeing, paying attention to inner voice (the good one) etc ...

I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...

Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ...


Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...
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May 25, 2008 2:19 PM CST Married and Divorced
Claayer
ClaayerClaayerWild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK144 Threads 13 Polls 22,386 Posts
FlowerOfTheSun: Some of us as slow learners ... when it comes to listening to actions not words, really seeing, paying attention to inner voice (the good one) etc ...

I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...


Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ... Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...


I have that T shirt wine



and I agree.. it does take a lot more guts. thumbs up



wave hug
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May 25, 2008 3:08 PM CST Married and Divorced
FlowerOfTheSun
FlowerOfTheSunFlowerOfTheSunMalaga, Andalusia Spain9 Threads 1,390 Posts
Claayer: I have that T shirt
and I agree.. it does take a lot more guts.



laugh If we had a T shirt for every of our "learning" experiences some of us would never need to go shopping!!! rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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May 25, 2008 3:14 PM CST Married and Divorced
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
Once for me was my limit..that was more than enough.....roll eyes doh grin
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May 25, 2008 3:24 PM CST Married and Divorced
Portiea
PortieaPortieaKonstanz, Baden-Wuerttemberg Germany114 Threads 14 Polls 5,448 Posts
FlowerOfTheSun: Some of us as slow learners ... when it comes to listening to actions not words, really seeing, paying attention to inner voice (the good one) etc ...

I can assure you there is nothing romantic about discovering your husband's self-esteem is so low that he can't stand for you to have a life that includes any form of "enjoying what you're doing - including work" away from his side and his way of dealing with it is to chip, chip, chip at you ... for years on end ... I believe I was not "strong enough" to deal with "it" in a way that would not affect me because of my own low self-esteem at the time ... Insidious stuff ...

Nor is it romantic to discover that you were "lied to"/him his family were economical with the truth about the enormity of my second husband's mental illness and the implications there of ... or may be I did not make sure I was "informed enough" about the implications there of ... can't blame everything on others ... May be I needed that experience to be who I am now ... Whichever way ... making "judgements" on others and their past lives is easy ... looking at oneself and learning from the choices we make or don't make requires a lot more guts ...


"I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship."

My commnent is not meant as 'judgement' of anyone but as something I would certainly consider as part of the considerations I would be making in choosing a life partner. For myself, I've been in long term relationships and could have chosen to marry but didn't because I believed, correctly, it was not a good idea. My romantic idea about marriage is that it should happen one time and last for all of my life--very idealistic I know, but I think, given the correct union of two people, it is possible. If you knew me, you would know that I expend an inordinate amount of thought on self-reflection and 'learning' from my mistakes--one reason I have turned down some very 'romantic' opportunities as I wait for a more sustainable relationship. cheers
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May 25, 2008 4:22 PM CST Married and Divorced
FlowerOfTheSun
FlowerOfTheSunFlowerOfTheSunMalaga, Andalusia Spain9 Threads 1,390 Posts
Portiea: "I think some people have overly romantic ideas about marrying someone without the ability to sustain a relationship."

My commnent is not meant as 'judgement' of anyone but as something I would certainly consider as part of the considerations I would be making in choosing a life partner. For myself, I've been in long term relationships and could have chosen to marry but didn't because I believed, correctly, it was not a good idea. My romantic idea about marriage is that it should happen one time and last for all of my life--very idealistic I know, but I think, given the correct union of two people, it is possible. If you knew me, you would know that I expend an inordinate amount of thought on self-reflection and 'learning' from my mistakes--one reason I have turned down some very 'romantic' opportunities as I wait for a more sustainable relationship.



Sounds like may be we both "came across" as judgemental to/of one another as we both felt the need to justify our opinions/experiences/reasoning ... laugh



hug May you soon meet someone with whom you are happy and long may it last teddybear
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May 25, 2008 4:45 PM CST Married and Divorced
newinsouth
newinsouthnewinsouthAiken, South Carolina USA32 Threads 3 Polls 1,350 Posts
shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.


thumbs up
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May 25, 2008 6:25 PM CST Married and Divorced
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland31 Threads 2 Polls 17,895 Posts
StressFree: I don't believe in marriage. I don't care how many times somebody was divorced. I am willing to marry if that is what needs to be, with the right woman of course....and after being together for at least 3-5 years....


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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May 25, 2008 6:26 PM CST Married and Divorced
froggy1
froggy1froggy1Sandy, Utah USA11 Threads 1 Polls 181 Posts
shipoker55: oops....needed to add....I don't care about a person's past. It's what matters in our life together that counts.


completely agree thumbs up
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May 25, 2008 6:27 PM CST Married and Divorced
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland31 Threads 2 Polls 17,895 Posts
Zellarrone1: I would not be interested in a serious relationship with anyone who had been married and divorced more than once.

It would give me the impression they just liked getting married for the wedding day ceremony and party afterwards plus the new set of wedding photos, as if they saw it as some kind of an hobby



Amen! applause

I have no time for them. It gets worse if they have kids with ten different women. I'm not getting involved with such men. HELL NOOOOOOOOO! thumbs down


cool
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May 25, 2008 6:30 PM CST Married and Divorced
froggy1
froggy1froggy1Sandy, Utah USA11 Threads 1 Polls 181 Posts
StressFree: I don't believe in marriage. I don't care how many times somebody was divorced. I am willing to marry if that is what needs to be, with the right woman of course....and after being together for at least 3-5 years....


If you don't believe in marriage why would you marry someone at all? Even if it was with "the right woman". Do you believe that "the right woman" would change your views on marriage?
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May 25, 2008 6:33 PM CST Married and Divorced
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland31 Threads 2 Polls 17,895 Posts
froggy1: If you don't believe in marriage why would you marry someone at all? Even if it was with "the right woman". Do you believe that "the right woman" would change your views on marriage?


Nice question. laugh



Well, Stress...


popcorn
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May 25, 2008 6:37 PM CST Married and Divorced
froggy1: If you don't believe in marriage why would you marry someone at all? Even if it was with "the right woman". Do you believe that "the right woman" would change your views on marriage?


If it really meant that much to her to get married, then I would get married? The right woman wold not change my views on marriage. Anything else?
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May 25, 2008 6:42 PM CST Married and Divorced
froggy1
froggy1froggy1Sandy, Utah USA11 Threads 1 Polls 181 Posts
StressFree: If it really meant that much to her to get married, then I would get married? The right woman wold not change my views on marriage. Anything else?


Well, that is sweet of you I guess. I don't believe in marriage either. Don't think I would ever get married, even if I met the right guy. But I think that you are probably a better person than me for being willing to marry if it meant that much to your partner.
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May 25, 2008 6:58 PM CST Married and Divorced
froggy1: But I think that you are probably a better person than me for being willing to marry if it meant that much to your partner.


I would not say that. You have your beliefs and that is cool. I am just saying that I would be flexible if I were to meet somebody who I can consider being with for the rest of my life. If it really meant everything to her to get married, then I would give that to her.Either way, I don't see marriage as a big deal. I can do without it, but if I have to in order to be with somebody who I think I can be happy with for the rest of my life, then so be it. Nothing would change in my view towards marriage.
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May 25, 2008 7:15 PM CST Married and Divorced
alabamabebe
alabamabebealabamabebeBanks of the Warrior River, Alabama USA85 Threads 3 Polls 6,177 Posts
confused Didn't we have this exact same thread a couple weeks ago?

The number wouldn't really matter to me as much as the reasons. And there are a lot of people who've never been married, or only once, who've been in several long term relationships that might as well have been marriages, who might be even more "high risk."

I listen to how people talk about their past relationships. what they have to say about exes, and go more by that. If they have unfinished business they'r going to drag into a new relationship, they need to work on that themselves. I'm not in the fixer-upper business.
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Message #318

Stats for this Poll

97 Votes
1,146 Views
25 Comments
by Portiea (14 Polls)
Created: May 2008
Last Viewed: Sep 24
Last Commented: May 2008
Last Voted: Jul 2017

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