It's a free site, the moderators do a great job and how can they delete scammers if we don't report them?
If we were allowed to begin to take matters into our own hands, then it would end up a mess. People would be accused of all manner of things and war would ensue.
Not all people who give out their email address early are scammers.
I have never been troubled by a scammer. I open things and then usually the first sentence is enough to put me off. I delete, I don't block, I have never heard back from any person that I have not responded to.
We come here at our own risk, as we do anything, it is up to us to ensure our own safety as individuals. Naming people is not the way I would operate nor would I like to see it.
The moderators have those rules there for a very good reason, about not naming and posting emails. Reasons that have been raised here.
If a man thought I would want to share him as in another relationship running alongside ours, then no, fraid not.
I had that with my ex husband, we had a co star in our marriage, I am never going down that road again.
I offer fidelity, honesty and love, I have two hands, I am into crap and wondering where he is and who he is with, one hand up, here are the benefits of a loving, close relationship, the other hand, here are the consequences if you are on a different wavelength than I am. I walk out of their life.
You are talking about being a mistress yes? Tain? For some, they are happy to be that, for others they are not happy but cannot let go. I would not be in that position at all. I would remove myself immediately.
What a beautiful letter. And how wonderful he can write to you in this way.
I don't think you need to help him, because I do not think he is floundering at all. I think he is using his thoughts and transcribing them on paper to let you know that he is working his way through his feelings. And how fantastic is that?
I have a son, who is 21 in June. We have a relationship that is similar to that of you and your son.
He is now in the US finishing his studies, and oh how I miss him, deeply. He has similar thoughts and doubts about the women in his life and has dipped his toe in that hot water many times and been burnt, usually coming home to mum for a sob and a sleep and Shepherd's Pie.
We can't do anything, jlb, we can hug, mop their brow if they get hurt or they feel they have hurt and guide them through it as we do ourselves.
My son has written to me, when he first moved there, was scared a little, but I told him not to let fear stand in his way, three months later, of course there are women involved he is doing okay, he is doing more than okay and is busy charming the people there with his Britishness.
He wrote me, stating that he missed me, a cool, young man, who looks like he is never troubled yet he has made the most fantastic partner in the past and he will again. They are learning about their feelings and romance is a part of that learning curve and we all learn as we wake each day.
YOu are not floundering, neither is he. It is simply evidence of what a wonderful young man he is and what a fantastic mother and parent and person you are.
A point I feel I would like to make. The CSA is a separate entitiyy from Family Law.
Your story is one of many men's, and as you know, the CSA and their lack or organisation was the cause of men to commit suicide back in the nineties when it was first introduced.
It is undergoing radical changes as we speak, this I know as I have worked with the COI in the UK for many years, It is a ball of wool that has been allowed to unravel and the wool is all over the floor, the COI are picking it up and slowly it is making changes that are not noticeable yet, but will be.
To put right the wrongs that have happened will take some time.
Still, that does not stop the harsh memories that you and many others have.
The CSA in it's current form, works for greedy people, because those cases are easy to solve, they react to money hungry exes trying to extract cash from emotionally, financially drained people. It is awful.
I know one man, who paid all that was asked of him, thousands and his ex still would not let him see his daughter, you may know him, the founder of F4J in the UK.
Family Law and the child support system as it is, suits angry bitter parents, unfortunately children are used as emotional missiles in this circumstances and I am shocked that no person who is involved with these agencies can see it.
Elley, many people who know you here, are aware that you have been through the mill, around of all of this area, thank you for posting this.
And I hope that somewhere, you are beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.
You know, from your post here, I think you will handle it beautifully.
YOu are aware of it and you are prepared that you may have some fallout when the divorce is final.
Your comment about your daughters? I was like that, the children hated seeing me upset, but I learned and they did, that it is okay to be upset and what I did show them is that we can recover from difficult times. This is important for them to see.
You can show them that, whatever his actions have created for them, only you can prevent any alienation.
I have a comfortable feeling, from your words alone that you will be able to manage your feelings to a more positive end, showing your daughters that their mum has had a difficult time, but she is slowly coming through.
Does it mean, you are going out for dinner and going home separately?
Or are you talking on the phone?
Or are you sleeping together?
Listen darling, work out what you want in a relationship and if you want a person all to yourself, then make that clear.
For me, I have always stated that I wanted my next relationship to be the one I would spend the rest of my life with, so I cut out all this chasing around.
If you had agreed to get married within three weeks, then that is different.
Let her go, she is a single woman, if she wants to have some fun then she can, I fail to see why she is being slain here.
Unconfuse yourself, only you can do that and once you have, then you will be in a much stronger position to decide where you go with this, if anywhere.
Mine was very acrimonious, along side of that, a bitter residencey battle for the children. So the heated areas were often when we were in court.
It was messy and not something I handled well at the time.
So hard to give on advice on this, without knowing how far along you are as a person. Although, you seem to be a very aware woman if you preparing for such events. I think that is great, I wish I could have done as you are. But it was something that I had not encountered before, the feelings, that is.
So yes, we did, but now, we are great friends, he has his partner and I have mine and our children are adults themselves and have had the benefit of both parents, when I dropped the court case.
Sommerauer71 Forum Posts (12,414)
RE: Get Rid of the Bad Guys!
It's a free site, the moderators do a great job and how can they delete scammers if we don't report them?If we were allowed to begin to take matters into our own hands, then it would end up a mess. People would be accused of all manner of things and war would ensue.
Not all people who give out their email address early are scammers.
I have never been troubled by a scammer. I open things and then usually the first sentence is enough to put me off. I delete, I don't block, I have never heard back from any person that I have not responded to.
We come here at our own risk, as we do anything, it is up to us to ensure our own safety as individuals. Naming people is not the way I would operate nor would I like to see it.
The moderators have those rules there for a very good reason, about not naming and posting emails. Reasons that have been raised here.