Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this stuff but me!"
Well, next time we can always book him a lane all for himself, so that he can play on his own, so that he can leave us beginners competing between ourselves!!
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'
I imagine that you have already seeked professional advise regarding this problem.
Regarding the vibrate option, if the phone is a cell one, you have that feature, but I've never seen a cordless with that function. And the thing is that you can't hang the phone to your belt all day round.
Regarding fruity loops, I'm afraid that I can't be of any help.
Regarding the keyboard problem, did you drop/spill any liquids on it? Btw, I'm assuming that the 4 and 6 keys are the one at the top of the keyboard, above the QWERTY keys.
If you still have the packing that office came in, go through it, maybe you'll find the key there. Good luck!!
If you don't find the key, as already stated by b_n_d and myself, you can get OpenOffice. Its completely free and is compatible with MS Office. You can always give it a try and see if its meets your requirements.
b_n_d, Uni might encounter a problem is office is not installed on her PC. I've checked Microsoft's site, and it seems that the Certificate of Authenticity should be part of the packing that came along with Office.
If that's the case, Uni, excuse me, but I can't of any help with the key.
An alternative might be OpenOffice, just google it.
LucidBlue, excuse me for point out the following, but well, the thing might be that they are not pretending. I used to think that my mum pretended to be deaf, until I realised that it depended on the volume/pitch of what is being said, and at which angle her head was to the sound.
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
Regarding your comment, I had once received it myself but the university in question is Liverpool, the girl's name is Sandra and the bloke got only an A, not an A+!!
Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fishermans friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.
He asked her name "Polo I'm the one with the hole" she said. "I'm the one with the nuts" he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.
They checked into a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg.
He fondled her Flap Jacks then showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs. Mrs Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bournville Boulevard via her party ring. He was quite pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish delight.
When he pulled out, his king size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he needed a Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!
Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who apparently had Allsorts.
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
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RE: Ireland Scotland and England