There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say yes or did she say no?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. No even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, Yes, yes I will and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
A guy took his blonde girlfriend on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the row boat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, the guy catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. The guy turns to his girlfriend ans says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The girlfriend says, "Wow! Its a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill.
He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.
Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.
Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk.
Then the manager thought hed wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed until after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack so the manager thought he would simply be honest and ask her advice.
He went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I dont know whether to lay you or Jack off."
Jill said, "Well, youd better jack off - Im late for my bus."
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practising his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There's space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.
"I'll go," the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.
"There's a cow in the barn," the Hindu says. "A cow is sacred and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast."
"No problem, I can," the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.
"There's a pig in the barn. It's an unclean animal - my belief forbids me to be near such a creature."
With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there's a third knock at the door.
On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi and lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There's space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.
"I'll go," the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.
"There's a cow in the barn," the Hindu says. "A cow is sacred and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast."
"No problem, I can," the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.
"There's a pig in the barn. It's an unclean animal - my belief forbids me to be near such a creature."
With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there's a third knock at the door.
p_seg Forum Posts (4,497)
RE: Five Germans in an Audi Quattro ...
Heinz, take a Fiat Seicento, you'll be safer that way!!