Yeah, and they talk about doing what's best for the child...but I look at it and wonder if what happened really was the best. My youngest son ended up in a residential treatment facility out of state for over a year instead of getting the chance to come back & live with me to see if that would help him. After all his time there, they've said he won't be able to live on his own for several years yet (they diagnosed him with aspergers while he was on metrazipine & risperdahl).
All I can do is wait & see if they're ever able to make the decision to contact me.
In the meantime....life goes on and I've got to try and make the best of it and find someone to share my life with and be happy.
Hey, it happens to women too. The county I was in seems to have gone anti-mom. I wonder what's going on when a mom who's on drugs gets to keep her kids when I end up losing mine. Back in December of 2002 my ex ended up getting custody of my younger son (I'd had him since 1997). The older son chose to go to his dad's a year or so before to find out what it was like living with his dad. Both boys used to complain about the woman who ended up becoming their step mom. When my youngest was moved to his dad's, he didn't want to go but his own attorney wouldn't listen to him. My ex even went so far as to get me placed on supervised visitation. I had never ever done anything to warrant this (other than divorce their dad). He tried to say that I was mentally ill, I went and got evaluated by an impartial psychiatrist & psychologist and went back to court with their reports that I was mentally sound. Did it make any difference? Heck no. Since my boys have been with their dad, he's succeeded in brainwashing them into cutting me out of their lives. For them to live with/near their dad it's survival for them to do what he wants. I go on with the hope that one of these days they'll be able to step out and contact me without worrying about what their dad will say or do.
You ask how do you go on....you just do. You make the decision that now you have to take care of yourself, you have to live for that "some day" when the kids will make contact again & be part of your life. You pick up & decide it's time for you to get on with your life....you move (or at least I did...lol) and you start over. You search for that person that will become your partner and you rediscover the person you are. You're not the only one who's had to do this so hang in there & you'll get through it.
I saw on the news this morning where Miami was having 80 degree weather today
I had some snow at my level Monday morning (about 500 foot mark), but since then it's only been hitting the mountains around, although if you're heading north from here they're making you chain up and I think Dunsmuir has a lot of snow. Also 299 going to the coast has been closed & I think it was closed for a bit heading to Reno. We're supposed to get more rain & stuff next week.
I agree with you on so much of this. And my own past controlling relationship has me more focused on what I want and how much I want it to be exactly the opposite of what I had before.
I want my opinion to count, I want to be valued as a person.....it's also why it's so frustrating to find what I want....but I'm still looking.
I used to get extremely nervous whenever I sang solos in church. My knees would be shaking. I'd just close my eyes when the music started & try to imagine I was just by myself practicing. I'd also try not to make a lot of eye contact because then I'd forget my words
As for playing my flute, I wouldn't get nervous because I didn't have to look at anyone, just at my music.
So I'd say just concentrate on the music & forget that everyone else is out there.
My ex was the perfect example of a controlling person.
Whenever we went to a business funtion (i.e. dinner, office party, conference, etc.) I was told not to talk (he basically said no one would be interested in what I had to say & I didn't know anything about the topic anyway....uumm...computers )
He told me to stop having certain people as my friends (someone I had known since high school). He had even gone so far as to write a letter in support of one friends husband so she would get upset with me and end the friendship.
He said some untrue things about what a pastor's wife supposedly said about me (that I was the biggest nobody she'd ever known) in order to get me to quit going to that church and go to another one.
He's done the "bait & switch" with me AND my kids. When I was having a hard time with my weight (which I fully believe he was part of the cause) he would tell me that he would do this or that if I lost. I'd lose & what he promised was never there, or he'd change the goal. He's done that with the my older son, with his letterman jacket, said he'd buy it, then changes his mind & says not until he pulls A's.
He's also been controlling after the divorce in such a way that he's ended up with custody of both boys and has convinced them not to have contact with me (which for them to survive in his household they had to do). Even now, the older one who still lives in the same town & works for his dad part time has to continue with that in order to survive.
To me, if he'd really cared about me (which obviously he didn't), with his problem on my weight (hadn't lost it from having kids), instead of just telling me to lose it, he would've done things to help me....like go for walks with me, go bike riding with me, just be active with me instead of expecting me to go out by myself and do whatever while he sits home.
Sound controlling to you? Does to me
That's why I'd rather find someone who enjoys being active so I can be active with them. I want to find someone that's going to love me for me and support me in what I do and who won't mind what friends I have or don't have.
hrt4lse Forum Posts (1,233)
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RE: blah blah blah
FFS = for f*** sakeAnd if your ex had something going with a co-worker of yours, then you're better off moving on and forgetting her.
What do you do that's going to take you to Iraq?