Skills and talent? That too, it takes a skillful, talented individual to be a great partner and you get two skilled and talented people, then it will work.
I have a friend who has terrible low self esteem, no matter how we tell her that she is beautiful, she will not have it, it has become habit for her, because she manipulates other people, mutual friends, and states that other's in our group are being mean to her, rallies the troops and arguments follow through, although some of us know only too well what she is doing, she does not realise it, people with low self esteem will do that, they will rally other people around and tear loyalties, because they cannot deal with it themselves.
Hard really, I have not had a partner with low self esteem, only had two, my ex husband and my ex, they were both very sure of themselves, never displayed jealousy, but they were hard for me as a person to deal with, attaching alot of power to money, so if they had a good month they would be great, but if they earnt little then they would be a nightmare, their bank account governed them.
Blimey, jealousy discussion opens up so many areas of feeling and opinions.
I agree mylifewithu, trying to love a person with low self esteem is very hard, in turn I believe a person with low self esteem fundamentally becomes a bully, they use emotional blackmail to make to hold their partner over a barrel. That in my mind is bullying.
As I said earlier, whilst it can be hurtful, men do look at other women and that is a fact, I see that as something that I put down to gender, whilst I hate to genderise so much, it happens and it is not something that I see they are doing deliberately to piss us off. They cannot help it.
But if that is unacceptable in a relationship to any person, then it has to be addressed and looked at, and understood, we cannot change, but we can adapt and if we care about a person then nobody that I know likes upsetting of hurting a loved one.
I understand validating too, understanding is something that I treasure in a relationship, sometimes an apology is not enough, as many people will often do, 'I have apologised what more do you want?' That to me, is not validating anything, or understanding and something that sends me to anger. If a person has hurt my feelings, I want them to understand why they have hurt my feelings, not just apologise for it and talking through that does that for me.
Same if I have hurt my partner's feelings, I want to understand why I have rather than just throw in a sorry I said or did that.
You see, I am trying to work a few things out, I suppose because I am leaving the country again, and my ex has been around and we have had some contact, mainly around business as we are still business partners, but after a few drinks, beer be the bringeth of honesty and we talk about where we went wrong and after a year we have a good understanding of where we went wrong, he has stated that I am combative and stubborn and that is the first time I have heard that from him anyway, but I suppose I understand why I am that way with him. Without the upheaval and hurt and we have been apart as a couple for well over a year, it is easier to talk about what went wrong and why it went wrong.
Clumsily explained by me, I was fumbling there, control is often seen as a word that is not pleasant, unless you are in control of a car.
I have learnt to control my demons, I believe I have learnt to live with them, have IO validated them? Yes, I have. but keeping them in check is something I do and feel it necessary. I can validate them all I like, but if I let them take over me, then I will let them out and if that is taken into another relation ship, I do not feel that is fair. So I control them and then channel them to a better place, I suppose another, better way of putting it, is that I am in charge of my emotions. But I am not a jealous person, although that is not to say that I have never felt the emotion.
I would like to be able to talk about them, with any future partner, but it is not a requirement, I think that comes with time and when you are building a relationship and when two people become a 'we'
I agree, I think it is normal that men look at other women, it is perfectly natural, as I said at the top of the post, I felt what I think was jealousy at my ex husband because he would spend hours on the phone to friends and his brother as he worked away all week and that used to upset me, because I wanted to sit and have a glass of wine and talk and in the end I gave up.
I like a man who has female friends, rather than a guy who has been raised in a locker room.
I have alot of male friends, as many as female, we are a large social group who can meet at different times, it is all perfectly natural and for those males that have a partner, they are all secure enough in themselves to know that there is nothing other than friendship there.
I agree, I think it is how we feel about ourselves in how we conduct our relationships.
Your wife left you, because one of the reasons was that you did NOT get jealous?
What about you wanting a person Ship? Do you either want a person or move on? I mean I admire your way, I really do, as nothing seems to trouble you, but in all seriousness, what if you really wanted a person?
I do believe that most of us have felt jealousy at some point in our lives.
I remember having a lengthy discussion with my ex about men and women and the differences, yet he secured me enough for me to feel comfortable, men are visualy stimulated so that they will oggle other women, we discussed men and women for hours and jealousy, about that no person owns another person, but that true deep love can be felt, with openness and ensuring that your partner is secure enough to be able to be open.
I think the world is a much more open place, people are more emotionally intelligent these days, because of travel and media and that means that we can control our feelings better.
Insecurity is often blamed for jealousy, but I see it as an emotion, that can be controlled and dealt with as any other can.
I have a highlighter and a pencil at the moment, so I can strike through some reports I am reading, with a curt 'Please return to me when it looks like a ten year old has not written it'
I have been off work for the summer, but my head office is here and I pop in, to do bits, but my work will begin when I begin with my new client in Salzburg in two weeks.
I have been busy today, been at my office, having meetings, they are all rubbing their hands in glee because I leave in two weeks! Sods, I thought they liked me.
Hi Emanuella, I found the whole thing amusing, he simply got his dates, clearly his partners mixed up.
But, you know, love brings all sorts of areas that stretch our emotions, there couldhave been alot of worse that he could have done to me than send me a card two days early.
I suppose for me, I am quite laid back and I do not see that as disrespectful behaviour. I see it as a mistake that he himself felt guilty about. Why would I double that with laying a guilt trip on him too? I loved him, why would I want him to suffer?
Sommerauer71 Forum Posts (12,414)
RE: Why are CS relationships of a very short time?
I think you are correct, you smart man.Skills and talent? That too, it takes a skillful, talented individual to be a great partner and you get two skilled and talented people, then it will work.