RoCkStAr110 Poetry (14)

some times I sit and ponder
and then I wonder
how my life changed so fast
my only good memories are of the past
yet the present is filled with pain
love and happiness are down the drain
I'm 24 but I've been through more then most my age
I was even thrown in jail and put in a cage
I lost all that i held dear
I cant remember the last time I had a good year
with each painful passing second i prey for the end to be near
death is something I will embrace and never fear
I dont know how many times I can fall and then rise
life is supposed to be a gift but to me its a prize
because its nothing but a battle and not everybody wins
im not innocent I have committed many sins
but that doesn't make me bad because i do great things
yet torture is all this life brings
our actions define who we are but the choices we make will shape our path
it seems every corner comes a new tragedy like im cursed with a wicked wrath
wishing i can change what is written in stone
but its impossible to change the past so i sit here alone
i can see nothing but hardache
this is more then my heart can take
pearls of wisdom gained threw the years
so im stronger now with no fears
except being transparent,unnoticed,and lonely
so i say my final farewell deserted,abandoned,and forsaken but never phoney

Don’t let your resentments take you into a deep depression Take the sheets off and uncover your life cuz when your high it isn’t real life my counselor told me to dig deep im haunted by my past I cant sleep now im taking pills so I can count sheep its hard to get my mind back on track because my whole city is hooked on crack no matter how bad I want to take it back I wont take you back they said I had a monkey on my back now im back on track wishen I could go back in time but I cant hit rewind so my future is up to me its not hard to see its not the destination but the journey we all have death in common but what motivates me is them commas let me be your inspiration like the Dalai Lama I like to say intoxication runs in circles so stay on a sober path so you don’t run in circles my sobriety runs in a straight line call me Nazca they took away my license cuz when im high I drive like Nascar we can all pick at our imperfections so take this as a life lesson if someone asked you to sign a paper and in 5 years youll be making paper only one catch you cant get high would you sign it or be like a bird and fly?

It's like I go out all I see is clowns while I'm spitting rounds around here
see who I gotta see cuz I won't be back for a whole year
get it dummy cuz guess what you might be next rip off your tee shirt leave you in the dirt next to that blond b*tch I met last week after I pulled up her skirt
shit is bent and can't be fixed like my brain mixed in a blender with some acid f*ck the bar we out shooting nerds it's absourd how many of ya niggaz is nerds don't get it twisted ya f*cken with water guns and we got ten toasters and a bisket that means we got 10 times more heat then you we ran out of stitches grab the glue and stab those bitches smack them in the face with a blond model keep it in full throttle I'm on top and I think I found a new hobby now nobody wants to find a blond body in their lobby the hooker from last night not again I'm off the walls and right then I started to get flash backs of last night
That b*tch wasn't a girl she was a dude so I took a slice at his Adam's apple I look around theirs blood all over I think I'm trippen
while I'm tripping over a stripper i reach for the sink and look up and see a monster in the mirror it couldn't be clearer the devil was coming out of me so I open the cabinet door to keep my head from bouncing off the floor
Then A bottle of Xanax falls off the top shelf this girl is shooting up and using my belt I open the pills and gobbled them down you lucky you weren't around to Wittness what happened next because you wouldn't be alive you would just be the next statistic wrapped up in plastic it's a disaster I'm sadistic

My pain falls down like rain
Can't you see my soul is bleeding
I'm barely breathing
Hesitating while I'm suffocating
Screaming so loud
But with no sound
I don't see the point in surviving
This is the truth no more lying
Inside I'm dying
Existence is a game with only one life
So grab the sharpest knife
Find the deepest vein
Don't let my departure be in vain
It's not me who's insane
I see the world for what it is
Now it's time to finish this
No more rat race
Let me settle this case
What you do don't matter
When you die who's going to be sadder
Being dead don't mean you're not alive
Who knows what's waiting on the other side
So embrace this last kiss
Because this is one you will miss
I am now not of the flesh
But a least I know what's next
And I finally get to rest

Should I live or should I die
Sometimes I just want to get high
Why bother to try
It's like you want to touch the sky
Knowing you can't fly
So are u on my side
Now that your in for the ride
It's to late to hide
All you can do is lie
And watch while I walk by
I can no longer stand still
Like kids on a fire drill
I'm down to my last pill
And I'm ready to kill
Nothing makes sense
This is to intense
I got a good offense
But no defense
Somebody start the Violence
I'm swerving and I ain't got no license
but I don't stop for cops
Im a criminal till I drop
And now I say goodbye
I gave it a last try
It's Impossible to me like a happy sigh
Waiting for a good sign
It's not a good time to be alive
No cpr no self revive
this is my final farewell
I know no heaven and I know no hell
So where will I go when they ring that final bell
It's hard to tell
Cause I have no soul to sell
With no God to believe in
I lost all reason
Treat this like treason
Or an infected lesion
Approach with caution
And take a small portion
Before this gets blown out of proportion
I must go
Part of me is screaming no
But it's to late
I already decided my fate
And now I'm full of lead
But This isn't a day to dread
It's a day for new love to spread
I am no longer human I am dead
Anxiety grows as I wait
I can't turn back it's to late
I was hooked now I'm the bait
I'm already the next statistic
You think I must be sadistic
I'm ready for the end
Their nothing left to mend
It's time for me to transcend
And I didn't rise or descend
My mind is no longer restricted by my body
I'm free this is more then a hobby
Do you copy
Its been a fight like karate
Hit hard like s tsunami
I am the Devine wind kamikaze
when I lived I was a zombie
Never got attention no paparazzi
As I say my final words in silence
I leave this world disembodied
In life I had no guidance
In death I showed defiance

ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I TASTED YOUR LIPS
I STILL REMEMBER OUR LAST KISS
I NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD END LIKE THIS
OLD WOUNDS STILL BLEEDING
YOU LEFT AT CHAPTER ONE BUT I WAS STILL READING
HOW COULD YOU JUST WALK AWAY
I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY DAY
I TRIED TO REPLACE YOU BUT THEIRS JUST NO WAY
YOUR ALWAYS ON MY MIND
WHAT KILLS ME THE MOST IS THAT I CANT HIT REWIND
LIKE A WOUNDED SOLDIER LEFT BEHIND
YOU CAN CHANGE MY LIFE WITH HELLO
BUT YOU FOUND SOMEONE ELSE SO ITS LIKE HELL NO
I JUST WANT MY SMILES BACK
ENOUGH STRESS TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK
I TRIED TO HATE YOU BUT IT JUST DONT WORK
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT IM GOING BERZERK
SOME DAYS I WISH WE NEVER MET
YOU TRAPPED MY HEART LIKE A NET
THEN LET ME GO LIKE A FISH ON THE WRONG SEASON
YOU DIDDNT EVEN GIVE ME A REASON
IT DOESNT MATTER NOW I HAVE NOTHING TO BELIEVE IN

i seen more battles then a general at war
yet i have no regrets this you can be sure
my flaws come around like a ferris wheel
but my mistakes are what makes me real
im best friends with misfortune
sometimes its torute
its like trying to survive without water
but you cant accomplish great things without error
so you have to be cleaver
even if its unfortunate its still important
so dont blow this out of proportion
i bear the weight of a trillion tears
so many i havent cryed in years
but do you think this tribulation
will lead me to suffaction
because i can feel the walls closing in
im almost defeated withen and were just about to begin
but i must search my soul for inner strenght
no matter the pressure ill never be bent
because i dont give in to weakness
although my heart is in peices
i came up with a new thesis
because thats what fighters do
now its time to break through
but let me tell you
for every war theirs a story
just like every battle has its glory
only one thing is gaurentted to change
this might seem strange
but win or loose your stronger then before
and now its time to take what you learned out the door

some say were crazy
in truth i think you saved me
in this moment of heated passion
its close to perfection
this immense feeling of satisfaction
were like a chemistry set we got chemistry till death
juicy lips wet kiss no clothes
beauty so pure it puts mother nature to shame
so you yell at me and i put you to blame
whether my loss of reality or
my insane abnormality
but that's ok cause you love me today and fight tomorrow
to a normal person this would be sorrow
but your the bow to my arrow
we might not be arow
and when our faces touch the desirous moon turns as black as night
the rising sun dispersed no light
theirs one thing i will say
what is morning with out day
like a bright night it rarely happens
our bonds one a kind
cause i know my bi-polar aint easy at times
but your still here and you dont seem to mind
jealousy and loyalty are on my side
because their part of my sign
like a Symmetrical balanced scale
you keep me level like a foundation
our new found formation is a complex situation
although our desires are forever granted
this is not something that can just be planted
its something that wasnt even planned
my heart is buried in the sand
my mind is fried like eggs cooking on a pan
some call it breakfast
if love was like religion i would break fast
quick hit the brakes fast my heart fell and is still falling forever at last
it happened faster then a car crash
if i could explain how much i care i would do it in a flash
they say a picture is a thousand words add my poem you got a few hundred more
but our imagination brings about epic words to mental visualization im just hoping
for your understanding clarification, your the light that is hotter then any star in the

sky burning eternally as does my love, which seems like my poem endless

MY LIFE SOBER


im sick and tired all i do is fight
i just want to end my life
i wonder if things will ever change
because nothing will ever be the same
ive felt hurt and ive endured pain
i lost my mind im far from saNe
i just wish for a better change
before its to late
ive already started to see the golden gate
is love so hard to find
money dont mean a thing in my mind
everythings a lie
to crazy to live to rare to die
happyness is like a sunken tresaure lost out to sea
hopefully one day it will find me
im not crazy im just lost
my world is like a coin toss
always landing on lossing side
all these days these nights i stayed up and cryed
days turn into months as i sit back and sye
locked in my basement where time doesnt exist
i cannot leave because everything reminds me of you
not only did i loose the ones who raised me
my four year old son this is crazy
my house to a fire left with ashes
every time im in a car i prey it crashes
but death wont find me it seems i must suffer
and then i loose you my one my only lover
goodbye so long this is life

I lost my inspiration to write
I lost my inspiration tonight
its like all I can do is fight
days I prey for that white light
nights I sit and struggle
its after dark and my misfortunes double
yea I smell trouble
Its no time to cuddle
cops banging on my door
hinges off and I'm on the floor
quick grab your phone
call your dealer
shit I need a magical healer
my life's like a puzzle with a misplaced piece
its never complete

when i think of you my eye tears and stomach knots ......
my tonsils are swolen like blood clots......
just your name......
brings life down the drain......
a pig might swin in shit.....
but you live in it.....
turning my insides like a washing mashine......
dont you think its time to get clean.....
the love i have for you is rare.....
never did i even care....
like a broken down car useless........
dont need a condom cuz i abuse this.....
shit so hard im ruthless.....
another 5 years youll be toothless.......
my heart is frozen cold.....
no love to unfold......
just listen and do what your told.....
your not looking young your getting old......
infections growing like mold.....
just leave me alone.....
address me like a king and get off my throne.....

how can you put a price on flesh
so sick i dont know what to do next
my mind wont let me rest
corruption and greed put me to the test
life as we know it is going avast
destruction and death come at last
possesitions are of the past
our society will never last
water scarse no food
puts humanity in a bad mood
fight to live only the strong survive
breathing dosent mean your alive
learning cpr..teaching to revive
another casuilty of fatality
leaves nothing but mortality
no exaturation this eternal eraducation
turns the world into its first creation