eeejay Poetry (38)

if I was to say goodbye to someone
I never thought I would
except for one of us dying
I would not know where to begin
because I just never thought about it
didn't know it was something to prepare for
when it's like, someone feels they can't be in a relationship now
they're not looking, etc.
well I didn't think it was something you turn on and off
every few years with the same person
it's not like we're out in the field
looking for romance or whatever
it's just I thought we were together
and if it's only temporary you don't want to be
what do we need to say goodbye at all?
why can't we just be
what we always were
I don't know how many things
you have said I am and I'm horrible
I ask way too much of you
you can't be you, when you're with me
one of the first things you said, though
when we began, is that I always allowed you to be you
in a way no one else did
you make me feel like a monster
yet I've cried at your feet
and that's somehow manipulative
that's somehow me being an evil bastard
trying to force you to do something you don't want
and you don't care about my stupid feelings
and I never tell you what's on my mind
I have told you a million times what it is
but you don't believe it
and think I always have some other motive
than just wanting to be
with you
not you this or you that
you're f*cking perfect in my eyes
I just asked of you yourself
and offered myself in return
that's the entire deal
as I know it

if I was to say goodbye to someone
I never thought I would
except for one of us dying
I would not know where to begin
because I just never thought about it
didn't know it was something to prepare for
when it's like, someone feels they can't be in a relationship now
they're not looking, etc.
well I didn't think it was something you turn on and off
every few years with the same person
it's not like we're out in the field
looking for romance or whatever
it's just I thought we were together
and if it's only temporary you don't want to be
what do we need to say goodbye at all?
why can't we just be
what we always were
I don't know how many things
you have said I am and I'm horrible
I ask way too much of you
you can't be you, when you're with me
one of the first things you said, though
when we began, is that I always allowed you to be you
in a way no one else did
you make me feel like a monster
yet I've cried at your feet
and that's somehow manipulative
that's somehow me being an evil bastard
trying to force you to do something you don't want
and you don't care about my stupid feelings
and I never tell you what's on my mind
I have told you a million times what it is
but you don't believe it
and think I always have some other motive
than just wanting to be
with you
not you this or you that
you're f*cking perfect in my eyes
I just asked of you yourself
and offered myself in return
that's the entire deal
as I know it

her soul had yellow paper wings
perched on wind currents
there shone in any direction
too much stillness to move her
an unaccepted form awaited
the small earth with reaching vines
petals in all directions
with nothing else anywhere
she wished to come
to light three candles
in dead night with all directions
gone imbued herself with
something new and fleeting
that eternity for he who waited
for one moment
thus ended his wait
she devoured and departed
cast filament
and her soul shattered

no bottle ever drank
who would know what
scented dizzy air means
the distance between their eyes
teasing what hidden flame
covered over dearly
their pride and time
some sacred night
to sin as mates
each hunted by that torturous angel
compelled to give their flesh
and bloodied souls
to the other for their keeping
and their home
no, flee not this relentless prison
better they should within and in drink
the sweat of the other
in their close and closing tie
in union so depart
the Earth, she unable to give up
to he, the Sky
and he rain down
on her shuddering secretive bloom
too much for this life
so on forever

for many, you are never known
and then only once
to lose you,
never seeing a sunset without words again

I have no hope
of ever describing the joy
your eyes and smile
as they look up to me
calling yourself wife
put into my heart and life

I know I have never known it before
so it could never be again
all the times you
say you were unmoved
I was shaken

you didn't
come into my world
you took it away
in its place gave something
far more of all senses
I could see everything deeper
some strands of you hung everywhere

unable to find my way
I shift aside this beautiful
and mysterious web
this empty forest of things
blindly stumbling
pushing away hanging strands
finding far more than nothing
where you were once everywhere

my only hope
is what you gave effortlessly
and without knowing
before you doubted
that you could

you should get the plague
you should be born again, not normal
you should suffer like your throat is being cut slowly
I want to see you suffer
I deem you effortlessly
to a thing worse than me
or you could
fail

don't criticize
what you can't understand

a hyped up western
and platitude
gives a heartache to the invisible
and lends a helping hand
to those consigned to their fate
and such a sentiment
is no longer worth the air
it was spoke with
times change but
a lot never does

in eeejay
I find a life gone by
I know I am no one
history and pry
though it's real
words I predict and lose
always my head
on the loose
if you thought to keep
a sunset in your life
then you'll know
the past is goodbye
I can't stand
the pain in your eyes
I can't banish it
I can't realize
an hundred toil
an lay down their ware
facing sky
that got them nowhere

once you came to me
your style of heart
gave all for free
I thought you were free
when you told me
what you wanted to be
we used to stand
around counting time all we had
how we could never be sad
we might freeze in our form
was warm by our skin
souls traveled far
some endless rail we'd known
from some life years before
we knew not to will
it too far
too much for what we are
when you thought you could sing
to yourself for comfort and make
me believe my own lies
and ours never dies
it is always beyond
what we used to reach for
until we part at the shore
waves receding always
many different ways
leaving the still shore
for you to walk singing
your memories
once in awhile
but mostly it's always sunset
or you've forgotten the other
times of day
how long since it's been
since you wished me washed away

mister
given that the gulls don't reconcile
my running and my fate
I'd like your awful less a smile
and rain to last till late
I'm here in walls and towers
wish to tell you plain
the beast he smart devours
though my heart only is sane
here with your long hand
the clouds roll and they pass
I see that you'll comprehend
at last it will not last
shall we not be given then
be tolled and also mate
I'll take you in and soon and when
you'll have gardens and locked gates
you may think I always knew
that you would love me still
my head, the sky and heartaches grew
I was never what you will
try to know me, losing man
I tried to show you that
nowhere in my open hand
was nothing. take your hat

whine
why have I never enough
what haunts you
we have all things
we're empty
when erstwhile ruined empires
would have every need
was our unfulfilled love derided
wind abbot'o sea
which I now desire
witch have I changed helpless
wine it's tomorrow can't help