ForeverDestiny Poetry (29)

Destiny,

My destiny

I know you not, I just seem,

I just seem to participate.

Where you lead me or what I will find,

where I go and what I do.

am I your creator or do you hide in wait?

Do I go on and wait for you to reveal yourself?

Do I search for you?

Do I believe you are there?

A grand scheme, a life in hiding.

Some wondrous adventure or an enormous let down.

Will you evade me and keep silent only to laugh at the end.

Will you then speak in my ear that you never were.

Will you leave me to think, "Is this all there is? Is this all I was meant to be?"

Or will you with a laugh tell me that my destiny was to be but a space in time.

Irrelevent. Without meaning. A leaf in the wind. A blade of grass on the prarie. A drop of water in the ocean.

Do I go on? Do what I can? Maybe, just maybe it doesn't matter?

If that I could believe. If that would fill the void.

They seem to know you. They seem to not care. In their ignorance of you, they seem at peace.

But me. In the confines of my heart, there is no contentment with this.

Speak to me. Leave me not with just a feeling.

Born unto a time such as this am I.

So give it meaning.

My Destiny

Loneliness, what are you?

Are you but a figment of my imagination?

Are you an entity come to visit me again?

What are you and why?

I can feel this pain, deep in my chest.

Overwhelming, like a blanket that covers my being.

You come and set in when you know you're not welcome.

Your friends you bring with you, I detest to the core.

Depression and Fear, your friends not mine.

I loathe you and you know, you visit too often.

People wonder at me because of you.

I reach out, but none answer, it doesn't work out, nobody's home.

So you, you wretch. You come to visit again.

Friends, I try, but why? To fill a void?

That's no reason for a friend.

They care, I know they do. But still,

the only visitor I have is you.

Shut up, just stop. I know your words.

"You'll stay with me till the end." But you, you'll be my end.

"Go out, meet new people and have a good time."

Though I sit amongst hundreds, you are there with me.

How is it, you are there in the crowd. There when I'm alone. There, always there.

I have desires, but when they don't come through,

You are there.

I have dreams and when they don't happen,

You are there.

I have wants and wishes, and when nothing changes,

You are there.

Why?

Why me?

Leave me alone, for when you are gone





you are gone...

Friends, I've had many.

Most who know me, would say they are my friend.

Few, less than a handful are true friends and those, sad to say, we rarely speak.

I had one, so very special.

We spoke almost every night. Got together whenever we could.

In my past marriage, our friendship never interfered.

In fact, she was seen as more of a family member.

But she was mine. My friend.

We listended to each other. Talked for hours.

My ex (then wife) would go to bed.

I'd get the kids to sleep and pick up the house.

Then we would call each other and talk endlessly.

Funny, we didn't have to try. Conversations never dwindled or got boring.

I was free to talk about anything as was she.

Physical contact was no more than a hug.

We had an appreciation for each other unlike any I've ever known.

She's gone now. Where, I don't know. Somehow, we lost touch.

I miss her.

I have maybe two good friends now.

One I see, if lucky, once a month.

The other, far less.

It isn't the same.

I miss her.

I miss my friend.

Maybe,

maybe someday.

maybe not.

As my eyes open and I awake, I lay quietly.

You are there, laying next to me. Sleeping so peacefully.

Through the window the moonlight enters falling softly on the bed below.

I see it as it touches you. Soft, gentle, quiet. It almost seem surreal.

Edging close, as I gaze, the moonlight dancing on your skin.

A soft glow as it touches you. Mysterious, magical as it draws me in.

I keep thinking, "don't disturb her", as I watch the beauty unfold.

A temptation to touch and be, to feel the magic that I see.

So soft and warm as you lay there still. Not knowing what transpires.

My hand moving closer yet holding back. It would be a sin to disturb the beauty.

But I must, I can't, I will, no stop.

To be drawn not by the light, but knowing the gentleness it touches.

A connection that only comes from deep within two souls.

To see the gentleness that is you, embodied by the lumos of night.

Takes me in and keeps me close, holding my breath within.

Though you don't even know, another moment shared,

While the moonlight dances on your skin.

Digging in the sand, finding the right spot.

It's deep, but buried, hidden below.

I see it. I know without a doubt.

Searching to uncover and bring it to me.

The treasure that hides.

To experience the treasure, one can not just look.

And so is, the experience that is woman.

We seek as marauders after the treasure chest

But it's our hearts we wish to fill.

For those unknowing what they find, the treasure simply disappears.

But those who seek for a lifetimes sake, know what's been hidden away.

Open the box to find the gold, jewels and crowns.

So is a woman.

I know, when I find you, the adventure has just begun.

The gold on top, the beauty that shines for all to see is but the surface of the riches that await me.

I dig a little deeper to find jewels as her heart so shines. Glistening with love for me,

No diamond, ruby or emerald can compare.

Silver I see as her eyes shine. Welcoming and wanting. What more can a man desire.

Crowns I find, encrusted with gold, and jewels and silver.

The crown she wears as my queen, the crown she bestows upon me with the light of her heart.

It isn't a warm heart, a kind word or the beauty of her body.

It's the treasure that is so desirable. To have but one piece, is but a loss.

To find the treasure and spend a lifetime, sifting through, is a lifetime of joy.

Blessed is he who finds this treasure,

The treasure that is a woman.

Starry skies

A moonlit night

Sunshine high in all it's warmth and tenderness

Clouds that make a mystical creature and castles above

So I can see

They come to me, those in need

I do not seek but can feel

Pain, need, rejection and sorrow. They have it all.

Blessed am I, an honored guest

If I can, but one to help. To guide. To light a path

If I can, but one assist

Contentment is mine and knowledge of what I am fulfilled

Power not mine, but mine to give

Strength to lend and words to cure

Peace and joy and harmony. Weapons and gifts.

Not mine, but mine to bestow if I can

To give, to be a vessel I am honored and more

To receive I care not. Nice yes, but not needed.

Reward someday

I care not when

Not about me but them

The little ones in need

To self I look.

Physician that cannot heal himself

The healer who can not lay hands on himself

The prophet who sees not his own morrow

The leader who looses himself

Eyes to see but for ones self feeling blind

Ears deafened to my own voice

Sensing, feeling, touching worlds and people not my own

Where am I when alone

Angel they call me, of the highest realm

Knowing what I do not know. Touching what is out of reach. Battling beings beyond my mortal existence.

Yet, I can not fly for myself

Soaring high and fast, the gates shut I can burst through for the heart of another. Flying above the darkness to help one in need. Through the fires and chasms to help the lost.

Yet, I can not fly for myself

An angel without wings

It's been some time. I've spent some time here, under the Rainbow. Seems like a long time. Ha, it has been a long time. My life. Myyyyyy Life.

Been hard, but here I am. I've found a lot of things here, under the Rainbow. Took a look at myself. A long hard look. Man, it's been hard. Looking in the mirror and not likeing what you see. Damn it's been hard. I've met some people here, under the Rainbow. Wow, there are a lot of us.

It's so strange to look up. See the brilliant colors of all of those who fit in. Felt like, even under the rainbow it should be bright, but it wasn't. You know, don't you. Too many of us know. We aren't the colors. We don't fit in. We're here, under the Rainbow. I met so many of you. You made me cry. I heard your words and felt your pain. I cried out to God for all of us, "Damn it, it sucks to be us!" Not a curse, just reality.

I began to learn. It hurt. It hurt so much. I don't know how, I don't know why. Why now? I don't know. But I looked. I looked again at me. I'm not gray as they say. I'm not dull. I don't have those wonderous things for the colors to see. I haven't the beauty or the shine like those, those in the Rainbow. I haven't the drive to ignore all of life and the pain that's been cast at me. Being left out. Left behind. Even when invited, I don't seem to fit in. Not with them, the colors of the Rainbow.

But then I saw. I'm not bad. I'm ok. Maybe I don't sparkle in the sun. Maybe my taste aren't those of the colors, the colors of the Rainbow. Maybe, I was created to be me. Maybe I'm ok. Maybe all I've met down here, under the Rainbow are ok. Maybe our time will come, not to be one of the colors. But just, to be. Be ourelves.

I don't know. I am yet, uncertain at times. But I am finding, I'm not gray. I found out when I looked at you. You aren't gray. But, you ARE. So am I. We are, what we are and that's not bad. Too many have I met here, under the Rainbow. You, you are here with me. Please smile so I may smile and take my hand.

Walk with me, Under the Rainbow.

Can you remember?
Have you gone too far?
Have you grown so much?
Have you totally let go?

The summer rains
as a child, playing till you were soaked
jumping in the puddles
dancing beneath the showers

The autumn leaves
Hiding in the piles
Jumping and laughing
raking forever...

Butterfly's in the spring
chasing them through fields
gazing as their wings moved slowly on the flower
dreaming of what it would be like...

Winter snows
Catching the flakes on your tongue
Building castles and forts
Snowmen abound

Starry nights
Gazing into the heavens
loosing count at the number
falling stars excited like fireworks

Castles in the sand
Built to be washed away
hearts drawn in the sand
the moat for the castle

Climbing the trees
Skipping the rocks
Running forever
Playing till dark

If you forgot
Remember
Not one of these cost a cent
But brought joy to so many of us

Remember...

Quiet.......it's so quiet.
Shhh, can you hear it?
You can if you are, as I.
Alone.

A smile comes, but not from joy.
It the thought of those who would council me.
Take heart, have fun, enjoy.
A smirk does come, they don't remember

So what, I'm alone
It's happened a million times
Survival is the game
Day to day. There is no change.

Do this, do that.
They like to say.
They don't remember
They forgot the darkness.

It worked for me, just do this.
Do they think that I have not tried.
They say to each other, "he wants to be that way"
For you, I don't even have a smirk

Some day it will pass
This I know
When? Ha, when...
So I survive.

But not alone
In a world of billions
You hear me, you know
It may be you like me

Your heart, it hurts
You're all alone
A friend, a lover or just someone
Someone at all

Shh, can you hear it?
You can, if you are like I.
Alone
So call me.

Hold my hand
Speak to me
I'll speak to you
We are alone

You have a candle
I have one too
With all the lonely candles
We'll build a fire

To hell with this,
Quietly we will not go
Shh can you hear it?
With you by my side,
Neither can I...

You...
How is it that you touch me?
Engulfed in who you are, what you are...
My mind is filled with pictures of you
The air breathes the essence of your very scent
The night hold memories, dreams and fantasies of you
My flesh cries out, to touch the softness of your skin
My eyes burn to see but a glimpse of your silhouette
My lips desire the taste of yours
My heart, my heart
Where has it gone?
My will, how is it broken?
My desire, is all but consuming
The morning light, the night sky, the wind and the rain, the heat of the day
This is where you are
You...
How is it that you touch me?

For me, it'snot just a want, but a need.

Yes I want, but need to be able to be honest.

To share from daily life, to the secrets of my heart.

To share those things that others would think you are crazy.

To be heard when others would not listen.

To be trusted

To be heard

To be loved

It's what I want, even more, it's what I need.

To search for that we do not know

To wonder, desire, want

To fill that void we can not touch

A mind, wondering and wanting yet it can not express

The taste it craves, the knowledge it desires, the burn in the heart

All seem to have them

All seem to seek

Some know they do, some will never admit

And sometimes, sometimes we really don't know.

What is it, that will make me happy?

What is it that I want?

Why am I, feeling so alone in this?

Yet we go on. We survive. Another day, week, month and years

Do we know ourselves? Will we take the time.

Time to stop.

Stop and say, I don't know

Will we admit?

For they say, do not seek a truth, if you are not willing to accept it.

Do we turn a blind eye?

Do we walk away?

Do we step out or just go another day?

Seeking that which we do not know

The dark place. Hiddin in our hearts.

Some know, some don't, some never will.

Yet, with time. With patience. With forgiveness and understanding.

No matter what we find, it is within us.

No matter what we think, it is ours and it is real.

It is but we ourselves who can change ourselves.

When we do it. When we face ourselves. When we know ourselves.

What is it?

What is hidden in the deep?

I find parts of me. I hate them. I love them.

No matter.

I embrace them.

Now I know me.

Now I know what to change.

Now I know what to leave.

For to love, laugh and give.

Why such a mystery?