breadcrumb Gentlejim Blog

Marriage Counselor's Solution

The husband and wife go to a marriage counselor after 15 years of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.

Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately rips off her clothes and makes mad passionate love to her. Needless to say, the woman shuts up
and sits quietly with a very satisfied daze.

The counselor turns to the husband and says, "that is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"

The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I play golf.

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

Peace on the blogs

Maybe it is just me, but it seems that some peace has settled on the blogs! Lot of bantering going on, which I like, but the arguing seems to have mostly disappeared! yay


What are your thoughts?
Post Comment

A Woman Was Out Golfing One Day

When She Hit The Ball Into The Woods


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.'

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'

So, ABRA-KADA-BRA-KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers:

Please scroll down.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
..
...
...
...
....
...
..
...
...
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen...now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

Inspirational Quotes

1. If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission. ~Anonymous



2. Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. ~John Wooden



3. To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~Anonymous



4. If you are not willing to risk the usual you will have to settle for the ordinary. ~Jim Rohn



5. Trust because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it’s safe or certain. ~Anonymous



6. Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success. ~Swami Vivekananda



7. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney



8. Good things come to people who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get them. ~Anonymous



9. If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got. ~Anonymous



10. Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. ~Winston Churchill





I hope you enjoyed reading those! thumbs up
Post Comment

Where Have All Of The Old Bloggers Gone?

Where is Catfoot? Haven't seen him in ages! He wrote great blogs!

Where's 123butterflies? Funny lady!

Tori10?

Abby1963

Twinkle42

Amornthep

Welela

Zeurich



Can any of you think of some bloggers thyat have disappeared?confused confused
Post Comment

A Man Went To A Proctologist

A Man Went Into The Proctologist's Office For His First internal Exam.


The prostate doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.

When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the prostate doctor's desk.

1. A tube of K-Y jelly
2. A rubber glove
3. A beer

When the prostate doctor finally came in, the man said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y Jelly is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that the prostate doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.

The prostate doctor flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, I said A BUTT LIGHT"!

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

Waiting For The Bus

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC. This was her first time to the city, so she wanted to see the Capitol Building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions.

"Excuse me, officer," the blonde said, "how do I get to the Capitol Building?"

The officer said, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."

The blonde thanked the officer and he drove off.

Three hours later the police officer came back to the same area, and sure enough, the blonde was still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol Building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde said, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

2nd Giraffe

DC,I think the other giraffe ran away!rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the
nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses."

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead
medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti; two with meatballs, two without."




rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

HEAVEN

When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy The Nation I helped conceive?"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.

As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared.

Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

Windows vs Ford

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way

computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a computer expo (COMDEX),





Bill Gates





Description: cid:PMsuDhddoF8MRAPztBDa





reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we

would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments,





Ford





Description: cid:PrfRPSUgV76PemI4n5LV





issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars

with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side

of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows

before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4.... Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down

and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5..... Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and

twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6...... The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single

"This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7....... The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8........ Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9......... Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.......... You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service"

in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language

how to fix your car yourself!

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!
Post Comment

Biker with a Broken Zip

A couple were roaring down the road on a Honda motorcycle when the guy pulled over because his leather jacket had a broken zip. He told his girlfriend, "I can't keep driving any more, the air hitting me in the chest is unbearable."

His girlfriend said "Try putting your jacket on back to front."

The boyfriend quickly made the change and they continued roaring down the road until the next bend! The boyfriend was going far too fast, lost control and the couple were both flung into a ditch.

A passing motorist stopped, rushed over to help, then ran to call the police. The police telephone operator asked, "Are they showing any signs of life?"

"Well," the motorist explained, "the girl seems OK and her boyfriend was moving until I turned his head around the right way!"




rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Post Comment

This is a list of Gentlejim's Blogs. Click here for Gentlejim's Blog List

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here