Gentlejim Blog

The Cat

Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!

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Oct 2015
in Comedy
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Negativity

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome? Why would anyone want to
go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who the hell did your hair?"

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Oct 2015
in Comedy
772 views
10 comments
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Living on a Tropical Isle

Well the men "blew their chance" to name the lady they would like to spend time with on a tropical isle!

So ladies here is your chance to name the guy you would like to spend 1 or 2 wks. with on a beautiful tropical isle!

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Oct 2015
in Entertainment
847 views
19 comments
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Men, What Woman On CS

would you like to spend a week or two with on a beautiful tropical isle?

Don't be bashful!

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Oct 2015
in Entertainment
1,701 views
28 comments
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY USHA

My beautiful , special friend, Usha....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You are a classy lady!

May your day be very special...like you are!

Please join me in wishing her a wonderful, super birthday!

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Oct 2015
in Dating & Relationships
2,659 views
41 comments
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Preacher & Little Boy

A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. 'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher.

'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike in trade for it?'

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'

The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.'

The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.'

The preacher said, I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.'

The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.

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Oct 2015
in Comedy
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Visiting my son

I was visiting my son this week and asked him where his newspaper was? He laughed and said, “Dad, it’s the 21st century. We stopped buying newspapers years ago. It saves trees. But you can borrow my iPad.

Okay, fine, whatever.

That lousy housefly never knew what hit it.

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Sep 2015
in Comedy
1,559 views
7 comments
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What Is Stress

Everybody experiences stress. It's the body's natural reaction to tension, pressure, and change. And a certain amount of stress helps to make life more challenging and less boring.

However, too much stress can be bad for you - both physically and mentally. Prolonged, unrelieved stress can lead to accidental injury, as well as to serious illness. For the sake of your health, safety, and happiness, it's important to recognize and manage stress before it gets the best of you!

How is your stress level?

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Sep 2015
in Education
1,494 views
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Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.

If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. Mainly have your air filters cleaned or replaced.

I hope this helps with your problem.

Walter

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Sep 2015
in Comedy
770 views
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Outsmarted Police

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

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