Breaking an Emotional Connection

Romance Scams, Part 5

You found out that you have been scammed and you heart is breaking, but you cannot seem to let go of the dream and the emotions that you have built up in your mind and heart. You are looking for anything to hold on or to assure you that the person who you fell in love with is real, not a scammer. You find yourself looking for the emails, the buzz from the chat room, wanting the phone to ring just to hear their voice again.

Is this normal, you might ask, yes, it is normal as we had developed emotions for the dream that we build around the person that we thought we were falling in love with. It is hard to just let go of that dream for our life and the person that we built the dream around. Those emotions that we felt are; feeling of being loved & appreciated, security, feeling wanted and needed, along with all the plans and dreams for a bright new life, a chance to start over with a new love and life. We just cannot just let all that go easily, without understanding of what happened to us and time for our mind to processes the truth and our heart to grieve.

An emotional attachment to a person or thing would mean that the relationship was fulfilling an emotional need within you. You use the person or object as a means to connect to some emotion or belief you feel or have inside you. Be it the emotion of being loved or abused. Feeling secure or insecure free or not free, tied down, happy or sad, criticized or cherished, victimized, controlled, cheated, betrayed or whatever. Realize that no matter what you feel, the emotion is yours and that you have chosen to feel it. The person or relationship is a means for you to connect with your own self.

When you lose the person or the thing that fulfilled the emotion need within you, you feel the pain of disconnect and it throws you off balance. This is true even in a victim/abuser relationship. The victim needs the abuser to validate their sense of anger and pain. Very often the emotional relationship becomes co-dependent relationship be it being abused or loved and protected to the point of suffocation.
Emotional connectors often like the drama or melodrama that is created
by emotion.

How to Identify the Emotional Connection

To break the emotional connection, you would ideally need to change the pattern or
behavior and the underlying belief you hold. Our emotions are connected to our beliefs, you need to identify what emotional need that person or relationship fulfilled within you.

For Example:

You can ask yourself some questions like these?

1. Did you feel secure, if yes in what way? Or did you always feel fear that you would lose this?

2. Did you feel angry most of the time or did you feel peaceful?

3. Did you need the relationship to end abruptly so that you would feel abandoned? (This would be because you have a belief that everyone you love abandons you)?

4. Did the relationship satisfy a need for you to be needed?

5. Did you feel betrayed?

As the Answer's come up, accept and feel the emotions that come up with them and let the emotions go. Once you have identified that connection, then you can set about changing it or breaking it. You need to connect with your own emotions, the emotions and needs that underlie the pain or the hurt or the sense of loss.

When you have identified that emotion, for example let's say you felt loved so the person or relationship was your connection to love: and with the absence of that relationship you feel disconnected from love, and that you need to find another connection to love. You then start to reach out to people in order for you to get over your pain. You can instead reach into yourself to connect with your love. Instead of showing that love upon someone else, Shower it upon yourself and let your pain
heal itself.

One of the first steps in breaking the emotional ties is to cut off all communications and connections with the abuser (scammer) by blocking and deleting any attempt of contact and reporting the scammer to the website that they used to reach you on. Yes, this will hurt emotionally, but you cannot recover or break the emotional ties if
you do not make a physical break between you and the gang of Sophisticated Pathological Criminals. You will have to be strong as these criminals will try to get you to relent and open up and talk with them in hopes that the psychological programing that was used on you will break you back down and let them continue the scam.

The next step is to surround yourself with a support network of friends, family or
counseling groups that will help and guide you as struggle to find your way through this maze of emotions back to reality. Groups who all have experienced being romanced scammed, who will guide, educate and listen to you without judgment or recrimination.

Do not let these Sophisticated Pathological Criminals win by pushing you into isolation and despair. Fight back and take control of your life, remember that you are strong and the only contact they can have with you is through electronic media and all you have to do is throw the off switch, Block, Ignore, Delete and Report, and you will be on your way to breaking the emotional attachment the had on you.

“Do Not Feed the Scammer”