A dilemma
For years you've been trying to meet a man you would like and you would have a certain type of relationship with. But all men you meet are either:1) men you like, but they want a different type of relationship
2) men you don't like, but they want the same type of relationship
You do the following:
1) start dating men you like, but since the type of relationship isn't the one you're are happy with, you become more and more unhappy as the relationship develops and in the end you have to finish it (usually feeling completely miserable). During the relationship you try either to adapt and accept the unwanted relationship or to wait and hope that the other person will change, but since neither you can change yourself nor the other person, in the end you have to give up of both
2) start dating men you don't like, compensating that with being happy with the type of relationship you are in. But it's hard to be intimate with the man you dislike physically and you feel like pretending all the time if you don't like him as a person or have a little in common with him. You start loosing yourself little by little, becoming more and more unhappy with yourself and your partner and in the end finish the relationship feeling even more miserable than after finishing the first type of relationship
3) staying alone and searching for a man who will match your criteria. You meet a lot of men, but all of them belong either to one of the mentioned groups or you dislike both them and the type of relationship they would like
You seem not to be able to find the right man and you get more and more scared of starting another one of described relationships knowing they will end with you (and sometimes your partner) feeling miserable. You also start to get tired of 'promising beginnings' that turn out not to be that promising at all. Sometimes men lie, other times you lie yourself because you want to believe so much that you finally found what you're looking for.
You start to consider giving up of trying to meet someone and staying alone doing other things in your life. If the right man comes to your way - great, if he doesn't - doesn't matter - there are so many nice things to experience apart from having a happy relationship with someone. That's such a healthy attitude, but...
Having a happy relationship was always a very important part of your life. Maybe it has something to do with you being raised in an incomplete family, maybe it's completely personal. You don't want to be alone for the rest of your life because that also means being unhappy, maybe a little less than staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
You start thinking that maybe it's not for everyone meant to have a happy relationship, no matter how hard (s)he tries, the same as some people can't be singers or good at mathematics or successful business persons, no matter what they do. Maybe you should accept your fate? Is it better to be unhappy by giving up or by trying and getting disappointed?
What if you give up and then meet the right person, but since you gave up, you don't recognize him and don't value what you can have with him any more? And maybe again lose the opportunity to be happy? If you get satisfied with life with no love, could you ever come back to appreciating love if it comes your way?
What are your opinions on this subject? Suggestions? What is the right thing to do?
Comments (21)
with all due respect, a chic like, with those twins hanging there can have any man she wants ... can't get why u'd be single..
To go out with other people would give them false hope. They might think they are perfect for you. But what they do not know your not perfect for them.
Have no idea! I guess things will reveal in time, even if we "give up" ore not... (I don`t think anyone really give up, they just think they do)
I don't think people can actually stop looking they might convince themselves they have and go through the motion attached to such an idea but I think our hearts are always looking, always open and always hoping.
You'll find him and he'll find you.
I'm a woman and have a right to whine and cry whenever I feel like it!
Actually I needed to write this and put it somewhere 'public' so that I can more easily think about it again and figure out what's wrong.
Somehow I have a feeling that my 'aura' differs too much from what I really am and want, which attracts a lot of wrong men in my life. It's not that they are wrong as a person, just that they are something I don't want.
My outer 'personality' (which is cheerful, talkative, fun and carefree) doesn't match my inner 'personality' (which is calm, serious and down-to-earth) and I always put my outer 'personality' first. We all develop some 'persona' during the life, something that we show to the outside world and it's definitely the part of us, but sometimes it's not all there is inside. My outer 'personality' brings me a lot of men who are fine, but want the type of relationship I don't. I guess if I show my inner personality first, I should avoid such men.
Instead of spending so much time in dealing with the men I cannot have the type of relationship I want to, no matter how charming they are, I can avoid them from the start and deal only with the ones who want the same things as I do. And in time I'll probably find someone I like among them, but I'll have to be patient.
I guess the type of relationship is something that goes first, at least in my case.
I'll have to 'bridle' my outer 'personality' a little.
U also have to look into urself and see what u r doing wrong that u can't hold a relationship.
From what u have said to me it takes 2 and until i hear both sides of the story i can't judge....
But keep trying..
As to the stupid statements from guys, well being just a woman doesn't mean we get the best guyswise! I don't understand where men get the notion that finding someone is easy just because we are women!
I love reading your blog.
yeah we live in dilemma. I dont want to live alone coz living alone without someone will be empty, there will be no color of life.
I dont want to have misserable relationship, I dont wanna feel the pain even some people say, its better for us to feel pain rather not at all.
I don't wanna live with someone that I dont love.
I dont wanna live with someone who doesnt love me.
but what can we do? Life is choice even sometimes we dont wanna choose.
I think all we need bit more patience
Who knows, maybe there are some men in this universe who would want the same as I do and whom I could really like.
Until you meet the right man it's going to get monotonous sometimes, boring, agrivating, lonely as well as silly, fun, adventurous even maybe a little wierd. That's life.
Just keep an open mind and heart, eccept that it may take a while and you may go through many boyfriends, and I don't mean that in a rude way, before you find him. But if it's any help, we are all stuck at least for a little while in that rut.
Aeterna, I will share you and some people here my little secret. You know, one time I saw my friends have new born babies and I found myself enjoy holding the babies and the feeling of love, at that time I think I deserve another chance. I began to feel more good energy that spread from my heart. I become believe that I will have a happy family until I am old!
Someone ever told me that if you pray then God will show the way. I don't know if you westerners believe in this kind of pray or not but I believe. She told me "Yesus sacrifice Himself for us and gave His blood and self for us then He will make sure He gives a mate for you to company your life." I'm a Buddhist but it gives me strength.
You are still young. You have much chance to find someone you love. I want the best for you. Give your self another chance. Good luck!
Summer
get real
other than that i can only suggest, good luck