scars
I'm sure just about everyone has them. I'm not talking about physical scars from where you might has fallen off of your bicycle as a kid, I mean the ones that cut deep into you.I know I have had my share along the way. About 8 years ago my girlfriend of 3+ years I was planning to marry and have a family with, split up.
At first I wanted to blame everyone and everything else for it but myself. After a while I finally realized it was me to blame for it, my jeaslousy, stupidity, and foolish pride was the reason behind losing her. When I realized this, it made losing her that much worse. It took me a long time to heal from it.
I did some soul searching for a long time trying to get my mind right. I grew from it, and made up my mind that I would never allow myself to make those mistakes again with someone else. It sucked it took something so painful to make me see how I was is not how I should be. I guess it is a lesson learned.
Then just over a year ago, I split from my ex I was with for 4 years. When things started going downhill I immediately blamed myself, and did everything I could do to fix things, as I would not make past mistakes. But after finding out some truths that had been hidden from me and realizing I was being used and manipulated, I saw I was not to blame, I did nothing wrong. Being used, lied to, and cheated on hurt. This time though, I was able to pick myself up quickly. I think I was able to so easily this time was because I had done everything right this time, I was not at fault with this one.
I lost my grandmother (my mom's mother) when I had started 1st grade. Mom and I lived with grandma, and one day we came home from the grocery store and she had a heart attack and passed away in my arms. I still remember it as if it was yesterday, and I miss her so much. I have wondered if she would be proud of me, how I turned out. I think she would. I try to live my life good, and do the best I can. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind there's something guiding me to do the right thing.
All of these things stick with me. But I do not let them control how I live, or keep me from living my life. With each one I have grown as a person, and try to make the best of my lessons from each of them. These scars of my life have helped shape the person I am. Though they were bad moments in my life, they have been things that have made me better, even though at the time they did not seem that way. They have made me stronger as well.
Comments (12)
Hope your next relationship will be forever
You are so right…..scars, as everyone said here, is what makes us stronger. But what is destructive to our health, as you mentioned, is how often we loose the balance. We either don't want to look honestly at how we do things that may be wrong because it's too painful and blame everyone else for the misery or go to the other extreme where we blame ourselves and not look at things objectively.
But you have found the balance in your life where you can honestly look at yourself and objectively look at others. This is a wonderful personal quality….good on you for developing it and something that I and others can learn from. Thank you for sharing it.
Keep being a leader and an example for the wonderful principles that you have because as, Walkinginsleep has mentioned, it is much easier to walk in the negative and destructive ways than to uphold the right uplifting principles.
People will always try to tear at your defenses for having those principles but your patience, gentleness and strength will be the very thing that will pull you through. I have no doubt in my mind that your integrity of character will lead you to the right person who is your other half! Good Luck!
its interesting why did you first blame yourself the 2nd time when it wasnt your fault??? its good you took responsability for the first relationship failing but did you ever forgive yourself??? we must be able to do that in order to go on and learn from our mistakes also, if we dont we'll end up with someone less then who we are worth.. glad you saw for a finish this time the blame wasnt yours and that says alot about you and how you see yourself now too so' good luck in finding the one that knows your worth it and im sure your gran would be proud that you know, your worth specilty too
ps' what a wise woman your gran was, she managed to go whilst been held in a loving pair of arms
i dont know about you but its easier to tell someone their worth more, but to tell yourself you are too.. is a much harder thing to leisen to yourself .. or so me thinks, or is that a me thing only??? perhaps im all alone in the world with that thought
Saying an insight or something positive, although we may not always be able to do it, it is a goal we can work towards it. We never stop growing unless the person chooses to stop....which means growth inside, if we allow it, never stops till the day we breath our last.
Giving support means picking each other up whenever we feel down. When we are down about our self worth, then a friend/family picks us and when they are feeling down, we pick them up. This way we are empowering each other to be the best that we can ever be!
i kept reading your blog all over again and kinda not want to comment.
however finanly want to......i got similiar situations....i know the likes of it...it hurts so much...i went thru 3 break up and were just too much to handle.. my life was such a mess..try to pick myself up cos i think there is always sunshine after the rain...
In the 2nd relationship I was lead to believe I was the reason for it going the way it did. After being at fault in the 1st relationship, I was afraid I was doing it again so it was easy for me to want to believe the 2nd was because of me, until I figured out what was really going on. The ex in the 2nd relationship was a good manipulator I learned the truth after she slipped up in the game of deception she was playing. Once I figured out what was going on I did not blame myself for it.
(Muah!)
Life doesn't seem easy for us all the time. Glad we are still survived
Thanks for sharing it in the blog
I was only teasing you