Looks can be deceiving
I think I do a pretty good job at keeping it together, at least for what people can see on the outside. There's times where what looks ok on the outside is not what it is on the inside.With the holidays knocking on the door the inner battles seem to come creeping around. I guess being single for the holidays and the fact it was about this time 8 years ago I lost my one true love that I was going to marry, really makes me reflect. There's the loneliness but then there's the "what might have been" that swirl around in my head. I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason, but that doesn't change the questions of why.
I know I have a lot of strength, but that doesn't mean I don't feel pain. I don't think no one I'm close to really knows because I keep things to myself to not burden anyone with my troubles. Some of them I don't think really understand how I feel because they have never walked down the roads in life that I have. I've been to Hell and back and still standing, if that means anything. I'm a fighter, always have been and always will be. But even the strong have moments of weakness.
I have been trying to keep my mind off things, but this time of year brings it out. I have tried to push my focus on my Christmas plan for my parents, but there's things from time to time like a song, movie, or TV show that brings it to the forefront of my thoughts. Sometimes my heart overpowers my mind I guess.
It's not gonna stop me from keeping myself moving forward in life, but meerely a reflection of where I've been and where I want to be.
Comments (1)
Not always easy..an it can be a real heartache.
Think back as a child. The summers were always warm and the school holidays lasted forever....
When someone dies we try to remember the good....and not the bad.
What I am trying to say is embrace what you had. Remember the good times. I have recently broken up in a relationship that I thought was solid. I look through our photo's and still smile. I know what caused the breakup and I will be more aware in the future, but I don't believ in "the one" Loving someone and being loved in return is all about acceptance, honesty, trust over and above any physical attraction. And like a flower it needs nurtured every day by both people.
I know what you mean about xmas and holidays... I have planned and booked a holiday to miss most of xmas and new year festivities with family and friends.
I wish you well.
z