Communication Without Too Much Communication ;)
Communication is a strange thing!Sometimes it can (mis)lead us to such a maze of misunderstanding... It can even spoil a relationship that has been built for months/years. The more you try to clear up and explain things the more you get drown in the quicksand of a new misunderstanding. Eventually things may end up with mutual mistrust, disappointment, and bitterness.
What to do? Sometimes the better communication is the reduced communication: less explanations, less misunderstanding. A couple of simple sincere words can bring us back to the safe ground of the trust and understanding. Leaving the extreme stubbornness and pride helps too
Comments (70)
Actually I was talking about understanding most but yes you are right that probably on the bottom of it is the agreement too. Theoretically you are also right that more communication leads to more understanding. Maybe in formal negotiations yes, but in our private relationships sometimes the heaps of words may hide where we have started from and what we were aiming. As we say here: "Sometimes a tiny rock can overturn the car" and another saying: "Only after the car was overturned, we see that there were many roads we could follow" (= when it's too late).
There is no a more huge fan of words than me. But yes I have to admit that words can get our enemy and lead us in the middle of nowhere. Then we look around and ask ourselves: What happened? And why?
Another saying: Words are silver and silence is gold!
Staying on the ground of the reasonable behavior is the best thing I think. Then even if there aren't losers the dignity of both of the people is preserved.
Little correction: Then even if there aren't winners
While in this written communcation it depends on how one is interested to understand and how much is he or she capable to write back. Some people don't like writing and they just give it up if things get too long.
Nice to see you, my friend.
And thank you for the very interesting observations! You give food for my thought that words themselves aren't too much but it's important who says them! Or maybe it's our attitude to that person? I am veruy interested in the topic about aura anyway! And interesting, can be our aura perceived in the net (in written communication)? And if yes, to what degree???
Another interesting topic: we communicate well when we want to and when we are able to. I start thinking a good communication is a real wonder!
In fact, I believe it is a measure of the quality of a relationship when a couple requires very little verbal comminication. They are so in tune with each other and know each other so well that the very nature of their presence when they are proximate with each other renders conversation - superfluous.
It very much feels like the whole being greater than the sum of its parts.
I had just such a relationship once.
I miss it very much. I miss her very much.
good blog !
it happened to me too ,
that time i told that person something ,but that one misunderstood me
then just few mails , it finished ... even i think he was thinking me in positive way
but just few words and wish that one to join my activity .... but it seems sounds bad to him........
then yr blog go through my mind .....
This significantly impacts on what people are prepared to say when they are writing (especially emails, blogs etc) compared with if they had to have the same discussion verbally with the listener sitting in front of them and able to reply immediately (or even get up and punch them on the nose!).
In general terms people are much more courageous and much more callous when scripting written communications and much more measured when having to express the same thing in person.
Also, it is seriously underestimated how much influence on meaning is given by the subtleties of inflexion, stress and tone during an verbal presentation. Those nuances, while not impossible to install, are difficult to impart via literary mediums and they make a huge difference to our understanding of the communication and more importantly, how we feel about the message and the messenger.
It should be noted that the English languge is actually not particularly heavy in this regard and yet it still brings so much additional meaning. You can say it in a flat tone and even tempo and get the majority of your meaning across if you choose your words carefully.
Some languages such as Thai and Chinese are virtually built around tone and delivery. One can only imagine how much effort must be invloved in translating meaning from the spoken word to the written word for the users of these languages.
First, you are right that people who already know well each other are more relaxed in their communication. They don't have to prove/reveal every single moment who they are and what they mean. Even if there are some little misunderstanding, there is a steady base of mutual understanding. I think it's the hardest when we communicate by letters (emails) with someone we haven't met in person (the most common case in the net). We can't even imagine all the barriers the communication has to overcome beween people in such circumstances. Let us add the using of a certain language by non-native speakers. As you rightly said, English not a too complex language compared to others but let's not forget the double translation which the non-native speakers has to do (in my case: from Bulgarian to English then back from English to Bulgarian). Lost in translation? Very probable, even if we understand every single word/expression.
Also, as we know, language and thinking are very tightly connected. Roughly said, the reality forms our thinking and this thinking (mind-set) forms the language. That's why the Eskimos have numerous words for the different kinds of snow and don't have words for sand or palm or parrot. Therefore, we not only express ourselves in a different way, we think with different stereotypes according to our background (national or other one).
About the non-verbal means of communication... As far as I can conclude according to my experience, most of the cases of misunderstanding have happened when exchanging emails. And they have been less in a "normal communication".
Thank you again!
No problem I deleted the repeated comments :)
I'm sorry that your communication with that man failed. Sometimes, no matter what we do, it just doesn't go in the right way. It happens that people blame each other or themselves for it but it was just not meant to happen something. Don't be sorry and good luck in your communication travel in the net!
Another very interesting thought of yours: the laziness/getting tired to communicate properly. I can compare it with the way we get tired when we have to talk in some foreign language for a long time. After several hours we actually stop listening/understanding and start using basic words only.
Yes in human evolution the non-verbal communication is much older than the articulate speech so obviously we re still learning how to communicate on this higher level... using such a small part of our brains! Who knows what resources for (verbal or other) communication our brains have!
Wishing I was on the European continent right about now...
Thank you for making me think about it.
Thank you for you very kind words and I am glad if my blog was helpful for you. What you said applies to me too. When someone is important for me I am cautious with my words. But I start thinking that some people find excuse in the other's words so they can blame them. It's sometimes quite petty to count every word of the other. Anyway, say what you feel/think, and if the other really values you they will value you anyway :)