another week...
I have tried to take it easy today, resting the arm and hand which are actually inflicting a great deal of painonme anytime I ask them to do anything. The left leg just jitters a bit and threatens pins and needles every now and then.
My state of mind is odd. My sister, who has been my anchor through all this will leave me once chemo is finished and I will be truly alone up 15 steps, unable to drive or even take my garbage out. I will be bereft and isolated in way I have not been thus far.
Certainly the Universe will supply me with help, all that I need and more, but I will still feel more vulnerable and be a tad more stressed, something I work hard to avoid, and I am worried that without the need to be the 'big' sister I may crumble under the regimen of trying to rehab my left side.
Of course, now that I have said it out loud I don't have to do it, this blog has been a tremendous help with that, acknowledging my fears helps me through them so I do not live them but I do not wnt her to go. and that dependency itself scares me - I had not realised just how comfortable i am becoming being cared for.
Well I have till the end of November to get over it and reorganize. Will there ever be a time when I am not reinventing myself in some way?
I guess on the whole, I hope not. Life would become rather mundane and just life with a small 'L'. I am not sure I would like life with a small 'L".
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