undecided

I keep thinking about writing then changing my mind. That usually means I have something that I don't want to look at yet - a secret I am keeping from me.

When i went to the osteopth this week my shoulder was worse.Hot and inflamed again, hard to lift without pain which makes getting dressed a real chore when it comes to armholes or sleeves, at some point the arm wants to go UP if just to help the other hand in its struggles.

We went through 'how could this happen?' and settled on sleeping awkwardly.l Then this morning I was getting ready to go down stairs and realised i was hanging everything I wanted to carry on the LEFT arm so I could hold the railing with my right hand and keep my balance.

Because the left arm has little sensation but can lock rock steady and strong, I positively load it with stuff probably practically pulling the shoulder out of its socket and giving major insult to the badly bruised tendon! So back to the sling and arnica nd ice,

At the blood test this week they had tp take blood twice as they filled a vial with the wrong coloured top but it actually worked in my favour becaue they also needed me to have areview by the md and i was able to say I had a dentist's appointment and as they had messed up they put me in quickly so I could make my appointment

So Dr. B ordered x-rays of my lungs to see how things are going which shou;ld be good news but I have discovered that future events all open the door to fear and those annoying what ifs that do not serve us well...which is probably what I was avoiding looking at because I have also noticed that fear dissolves when I look at it straight on but it fights like hell to keep me from looking.

When I was first diagnosed and everyone was freaking out, all I could think ws but nothing is any different.The only thing that has changed is that we know. Which is a good thing because now I can work to fix it. So I am holding that thought...the x ray will only offer information that will guide the rest of my healing and that is its purpose.

And I am allowed to be scared because these are scary things, I can sleep with the light on again for a few nights but scary has never stopped me before and will not now.

He also ordered a cat scan of my brain which is less traumatic because my left side is still on holiday so I already know the nerves are still blocked, but despite that I am walking more easilyand it is not just that I have been practising...it means communications are improving so life continues as usual, rough and smooth. All I have to do is live it.