Jokes

None of these jokes are meant to offend anyone!




ROMANCE
> >> An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
> >> asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
> >>
> >> She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."
> >> Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get
> >> back to sleep.
> >>
> >> A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."
> >>
> >> Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
> >> settled down to sleep.
> >>
> >> Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."
> >>
> >> Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
> >>
> >> "Where are you going?" she asked..
> >>
> >> "To get my teeth!"
> >> _____________________________________

> >>
> >> OLD FRIENDS
> >> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
> >> had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
> >> activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
> >>
> >> One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
> >> "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but
> >> I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't
> >> remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
> >>
> >> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
> >> glared at her. Finally she said,
> >>
> >> "How soon do you need to Know?"
> >> _____________________________________
> >>
> >> SENIOR DRIVING
> >> As a senior citizen was driving down the highway, his car phone rang..
> >> Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I
> >> just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
> >> Interstate 70 Please be careful!"
> >>
> >> "Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"
> >> _____________________________________

> >> DRIVING
> >> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
> >> over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major
> >> crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
> >>
> >> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
> >> could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
> >> minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again.
> >> Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
> >> sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
> >> losing it. She was getting nervous.
> >> At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on
> >> through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you
> >> know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
> >> killed us both!"
> >> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
> >>