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Feedback anyone?

This is an opening segment of the second book in my Chalice series, "Beacon". I am honing book two now and would like your opinions if you've a mind to give them. How does this affect you? You can post here (of course) or PM me. Thanks! teddybear

The air was warm and drenched, singed with the scent of ozone sintering in distant thunder-heads. A storm front approached, pushing clouds up from the southwest as I urged Old Stuart’s Jaguar towards Marseille. My mind roiled. Memories torn from the timeline of my life tossed up from a past of which I was not yet consciously aware, invoking nameless dread. It piqued my senses as I peered into the dark at unfamiliar surroundings. I was running on instinct. Hidden memories of encounters with Stuart and Michael tangled as my psyche attempted to heave them into consciousness. Then too, I felt torn between Michael and his son Paeter, my bloodsire and lover. Conflict intensified as I wound the engine up, thrilling to its surging power as I ran from Michael, horrified by what he’d just revealed and that I could be at once so angry and so captivated.

There hung about the Jaguar a strong spoor of Old Stuart’s cold, predatory animus. The scent of the leather upholstery mixed with his feral musk, so nearly like Paeter’s. I was as attracted as I was repulsed. My heart raced as I crested a hill and the lights of Marseille bounced off the low clouds overhead. They glowed an eerie amber, raking the hills with a misty sepia caul.

“Appears there’s a wide streak of glutton in me as well,” I grumbled, rummaging through his music collection. I turned south on Avenue Pierre Mendès as I popped a Santana tape into the deck and turned up the sound. “Black Magic Woman” began to play. The Mediterranean breeze gusted into the Jaguar, acrid and algal, christening my newborne awareness with the scent of sea foam and nettling blood hunger. Energy coiled behind my navel, predatory chakras awakening, churning with avarice...

Comments (20)

hello Cailin,,,it has been a long time, hope everything is good with you,,i have been off blogs for awhile but back now...I am glad you are still writing..enjoyed what you just posted,, Black Magic Woman..this story must have taken a while back,,,glad you are still here teddybear
I'm like the breeze. I come and go. Nice to see you too! wave

Of course, I am still writing. How could I stop? I reckon I'll die of writer's cramp. laugh
I'm like the breeze. I come and go. Nice to see you too! wave

Of course, I am still writing. How could I stop? I reckon I'll die of writer's cramp. laugh
Hi Cailinwave it sounds quiet captivating to me. Not that I am any expert on these things. You seem to have caught a lot of atmosphere and a touch of haunting into your descriptive words.

Good luck with the rest applause
amigo cheers
Thanks for that Wallops! If it makes you want to know more and you can see/feel the scenario in my mind as you read, then it's working! Nice to meet you, by the way! wave
Heya Jarred! I like your new picture! wine Scotch for me, please. batting
Hi Cailin! You have a wonderful writing style which is enjoyable to read and the best about it is that your words keep captivating the reader. If your story continues to be exciting as well, your series may turn as bestseller! wow cheering thumbs up
Quite captivating! And many relate to Sanata's Black Magic Woman. I'd say it's going to be a great bookhandshake
Thanks, Calleis! I am writing the work of another upstart just now and quite enjoying it. I view most all reading as "study". wine
Thanks Theresa! How did your post get in before my last?! Quirky, that... Nice to meet you! wave
Hi Cailin,..I enjoyed this first chapter of the book, certainly draws you in straight away,.. and I am sure its just a taste of whats to comeapplause Well donehandshake wine
Thanks, RG! wave Grand to see you here. I'm waiting to edit it until tomorrow. The eyes freshen over night. Thank you for stopping by! wine
Very good...popcorn

Your writing style reflects your mastery and command of the English language. Your skilful use of short sentences conveys a sense of briskness of movement. It keeps the reader's attention constantly focused on the action as it unfolds.

The descriptive quality of your writing is excellent. I love your opening sentence: "The air was warm and drenched, singed with the scent of ozone sintering in distant thunder-heads", especially the phrase "singed with the scent of ozone". I can feel it in my nostrils.

In my opinion, the work has the mark of a bestseller. I wish you all the best with the publication.
Loudoun! I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for stopping by! wave
Socrates! Thank you so much for reading and giving such particular feedback. It is very helpful to a writer to know precisely what works, and what does not work, for the reader! I appreciate your feedback very much! Even if there were something you hated, the specificity of your feedback could only be helpful to making the work better. hug
You should write a book about bacon...grin
Going Off line.
laugh Dedovix, you are funny. That might actually be fun!

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