West and East

It feels very heavy when relationship hits a huge block of cultural differences...

Still struggling to harmonize but so difficult crying

both feel frustrated...

Happiness, hope, waiting and disappointing, why should it follow such a vicious circle?

Why are West and East so contrasting? doh

What are men and women expected to do in a relationship?

Sometimes i just want to give up on the cross-culture relation cos it seems like impossible to cross the cultures...

What a gloomy day :( help

sigh
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Comments (32)

comfort hug

Would you like a yummy slice of cake? cake
Oh, so sweet you are sis hug maybe he just isn't right for me. cheers for sisterhood sis cheers
Dear LS, I'm currently in a relationship with a man who has a huge gap not only culturally but in age as well.

Good thing is, he's more than happy to know about my culture, my way of life, the local food I love and everything that makes me happy smitten
smitten smitten

In return, I just make him happy with lotsa hugs and kisses! happy place happy place happy place hug lips hug lips

If you were to scrutinize it, it's really not much of a difference after all. Love is universal. Everybody loved to be hugged and kissed, cherished and treasured.

Everything else should be able to tackle easily wink
you are right. but we are far from each other and though the hugs and kisses were amazing and made he dream of me almost every day, they are just in mind now and when we talk online, we have nearly opposite ways of thinking which bother us much. Maybe we are not for each other intellectually.

Happy for you and hopefully one day i can be as lucky as you are sis purple heart
I can relate to how you feel, my dear LS. Long distance relationships are never easy. Been there and done that.

I truly hope you'll find someone who's worthy of you hug bouquet
Cultural differences are difficult even when you are able to be together in real life. Having only the internet to communicate with each other can surely make it even more difficult. Some people manage but I for one can't so stick to my own culture.
@DC: Thank you sis hug

@Ekself: yes, so many obstacles and not strong enough will. though i want to learn and adjust gradually but seem it is better to give up dunno
LS, I might not have the expieriences with 36something...
...but isn't love suppose to make you content and happy, not miserable and doubtful..????
If the chosen relationship doesn't provide your mind and soul, with hope and desires ,it will starve and fall into bitterness ..
@Seri: there are hope and desire but disappointment at the same time.

is it true that we have to suffer before we can enjoy? should i hold on and give it more effort or just let it go? at the moment after some sadness i just want to forget it including happy moments we had ...
Open your heart to yourself, it will tell you what it needs and what it can handle my dear
@Seri: my heart is so confusing and messy too. it misses his morning til evening messages but it hates his coldness in the way he treats differences. so many mixed feelings and i got lost. but somehow i feel like he is and is not for me doh
You're young LS, don't get hung up on something that might cost you your valuable time to live and enjoy your life !! Listen to you gut feeling, mostly it is the right one
Thanks Seri. my gut feeling is it won't work out. and you are right, maybe i should move on and should not feel blue over it any more hug
I live in another country than my country of birth, both have a similar cultural background as they are both European - but I do find cultural differences and values too big in a lot of cases. I met someone with a cultural background closer to mine and some things, like communication and values, are way easier (but circumstances are a bit complicated). smile

On the other thing you mentioned - I have found that things should be easy in the start. If you already have to struggle before you are together or to have a relationship off the ground, I never could see something like this going somewhere.

If it's difficult now, can you see it getting easier?
@KN: actually, no. it took us a lot of effort to finally meet as we both wanted to meet but thought that the other side did not want. we both waited for the other to start the invitation. when he decided to come i was leaving the place. and just 3 hours before my flight we lastly met. it was a full crash though. situation changed much after the 1st meeting but with time and distance, it is getting back to difficult stage... he booked the flight to fly to my place and it is only 9 days more to see each other again but now i feel like everything collapsed ... so fragile the relation is sigh
LS,I'd never waste precious time to feel blue about a man who doesn't pay attention to me. Life is very short , too short...
If you see him in 9 days - you have an opportunity to talk. Maybe talk about what is important to you, the expectations you have for a relationship in general and what are his?

If this is vastly different, have a think if it's better (for both of you) to cut your losses and be free to meet someone that is more compatible. You have a good opportunity to talk when you are with each other.

Best of luck. bouquet
agreed Seri. however, he did spend much of his limited time on me. he always messaged first and kept reminding me of how i am present in his busy life. we felt accompanied and warm even we were far. Just today the difference in thinking became so significant that it broke down the relation sigh
@KN: i think we are clear about each other expectations and they are seem not very in line. i want a family and he wants enjoyable time that might lead to something he isn't sure. he says it takes time and i agree but the ways we think are opposite. i think men should take the lead in relation and he think women and men are equal. he says i should have actions too but i m not sure about my feelings for him yet thus i need to be sure about his for me first. he says miss me all the time but i don't know if i really miss him or not. he got upset and said i should wait for my knight on white horse to come satisfy my romance and our relation won't work out. so i think that's the end.
If I hear from a guy "might lead into something", "friends, maybe more", "no expectations" - it tells me that he doesn't want something serious. This is talking from my experience, if someone wants a relationship going somewhere, he will say so and act accordingly.

If you don't miss him, will it change? I'm not romantic, but if there is something, I want to be with that person.

This is just me and something you have to decide for yourself - if someone wants something different than I, I won't go there as it will never go anywhere and I have better things to do than getting a heartache. Be reasonable but go for what makes you (and someone else) happy.

Talk to him, it has to work for both of you.
@KN: thanks for your advice. i will take a break for a while to be sure with myself and give him space too. at the same time, trying to stay away from being affected by the pressure to get married which i think deteriorates newly born relations. hug
It takes time to get to know someone and to determine if 2 people want to spend the rest of their life together.

Best of luck, there is a lot of pressure on you. hug
I think it is over now but will take it easy. still have to chin up and enjoy my life whether with or without him hug
Try to get into a good place for yourself. The rest will follow eventually LS. bouquet
hug actually i feel much released now. i was so sad when we quarreled and he stopped messaging. i was use to his messages all day long and suddenly they stopped. i kept wondering if it was my fault. but thanks to all your sharings, i think things are clearer now. yay ready to face anything no matter what grin
LS. I think cultural differences between East and West in relationships do exist, some of which can cause challenges. Many men in the West find jealousy and enviousness tiresome. As in, some girl, perhaps prettier than I, gets a big boss, wealthy and handsome, and I whine to the world about how sad I am over this. Yes, perhaps it's good to give up on cross cultural beaus. The Asians may be more tolerant of some attitudes. Aa.
I am currently waiting for a woman from Japan. My love for her and hers for me have created a wonderful bridge of hope and faith.

Yes, we get somewhat impatient but we also know when the time happens it will be worth it.

I would say that men and women just need to be there for each other and it's a worldwide rule. Even when cultures are different.

Everyone is different so do what you have to do. I have chosen to stick it out even with all the barriers we have faced so far.
Just 20 day old relation but whenever we have problems, the first thing that he says is "stop", then he says miss me again and he explains that it is easy to say goodbye but hard to do that. is that a symbol of short-temper and immaturity? doh
@aaltar. He is Dutch and super jealous. He doesn't want me to talk about any men except him. But he feels happy when i ask questions like "is your friend male or female?" Cos he is happy that i m a bit worried about people he meets...
If there are troublesome differences at the beginning, they will never vanish but become deeper - believe me! WWe women always think we could change men, but forget it! And if you want to change him, then he is not the one you have fallen for but the image you have created.

If there is jealousy involved - that is a huuuuge problem that normally does not get any better - again, tlaking from experience dunno
I don't think i can change him. Just want to learn more about him. But yes jealousy might be annoying.
Oh a relationship, dutch is not west so much. but yes you are finding it may be more how men are reared is how they are in life.
a jelous man yes is a true sign a imaturity.

hope to read on you are finding better choices.

dear keep it simple
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LastStrike

LastStrike

Hanoi, Red River Delta, Vietnam

I've done my dream trip to US and found my man. Good luck to good people who are still in the search :)

Well, like some people, I don't know where to start the description. Feel like a job interview lol.

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created Mar 2016
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