What defines us in a relationship? (159)
antcus: The thing I hate most in a marriage is that one gives up his or her identity to become a part of a team, where one has to bring the intersts of the partner before one's own,
So in a marriage we lose our freedom, our identity and our ability to act independently of each other.
We are also isolated from our previous friends and from the social circles around us.
We have to look for new friends and for new interests in society.
.
So in a marriage we lose our freedom, our identity and our ability to act independently of each other.
We are also isolated from our previous friends and from the social circles around us.
We have to look for new friends and for new interests in society.
.
I don't buy into that antcus. I respect your are just voicing your opinion..but loosing your ID, freedom (to do what still live as a single person)....
Surely the reason two people get married is to be together, a team...I have never been married but involved in a long term relationship that produced two of my three monsters and I never lost contact with my single friends...I seen them as often as I wanted...I couldn't do the same things (playing the numbers game during the weekend etc)...but surely you knew that before you entered into your marriage...not sure if that makes sense..
Jan1305: Hello antcus, long time no see!
I don´t agree that marriage necessarily means being isolated from our friends. !
I don´t agree that marriage necessarily means being isolated from our friends. !
I'm with you on that one Jan...
symbolistartist: This is a good question Venere08. I think that today, the majority of people come from backgrounds that were more or less dysfunctional. It means they attract similar people later on or behave abnormally themselves. By abnormally I mean excessive control and other extreme emotions. .
I'll come back to this point when I've chewed the cud a little more and drank some joe...But I think I know what you mean....
guiriman:
Some people prefer to be in a bad relationship that to be alone. I could never feel that way personally.
Some people prefer to be in a bad relationship that to be alone. I could never feel that way personally.
Don't buy into that guri...I think some people through no fault of there own, childhood experiences etc...Fall into bad relationships. Basically they are seen by their other half as weak willed and usless....And allow(because they think it's the norm) bad things to happed to them..
I think everybody wants to be in a loving, caring relationship...but because of previous relationships they think that everyone is the same so they put up barriers and try to protect themselves.
venere08: Hello Amaryllis.
Hello symbolistartist. How are you both today?
It's always so uplifting to see you both here.
Hello symbolistartist. How are you both today?
It's always so uplifting to see you both here.
Thank you! Likewise! I see such wonderful female intelligence here, no way will I stay away for long!
Am trying to re-work my sleeping schedule so it would even remotely fit a potential partner, it's hard work and I'm tired and volatile but the energy is good!
venere08: Hi guiri, heavens no, not at all. Of-course I don't think it is impossible to be single and content at the same time. I certainly am, and so are many others here. I don't need a man to complete me, though there are aspects of my life that would be enhanced if I were to have a special man in my life.
I don't know the stats, but online is just another way of meeting people. Anything can happen, anywhere. I think, online as in RL, the more one reaches out, and we communicate with other people, and be yourself (listening, rusty???), take up opportunities available to us, create our own, then that is the most we can do. Online, that might mean post on forums, start threads, send flowers, essentially to initiate contact in some way, then the rest follows, one way or another.
For those who are here for dating, then in this manner, they heighten their chances of meeting someone. As long as people continue to live their lives as usual, then it ensures they remain interesting to the outside world as well as online.
I don't know the stats, but online is just another way of meeting people. Anything can happen, anywhere. I think, online as in RL, the more one reaches out, and we communicate with other people, and be yourself (listening, rusty???), take up opportunities available to us, create our own, then that is the most we can do. Online, that might mean post on forums, start threads, send flowers, essentially to initiate contact in some way, then the rest follows, one way or another.
For those who are here for dating, then in this manner, they heighten their chances of meeting someone. As long as people continue to live their lives as usual, then it ensures they remain interesting to the outside world as well as online.
Phoenix: Don't buy into that guri...I think some people through no fault of there own, childhood experiences etc...Fall into bad relationships. Basically they are seen by their other half as weak willed and usless....And allow(because they think it's the norm) bad things to happed to them..
I think everybody wants to be in a loving, caring relationship...but because of previous relationships they think that everyone is the same so they put up barriers and try to protect themselves.
I think everybody wants to be in a loving, caring relationship...but because of previous relationships they think that everyone is the same so they put up barriers and try to protect themselves.
Yep, what I said about repeating dysfunctional patterns is not only what I think personally but they are more or less accepted psychological facts. The trick is how to get out of them... Seems to me many a self-help book is just a waste of time and money, 'cause in the end truth is usually pretty simple (well in my world anyway). We all crave for love so there's a phase most seem to go through when they have a chance to see the falsehood in co-dependency - that's when you think another person will complete you and you get overly attached to their presence in your life.
Venere08 mentioned the idea of wanting someone to complete you vs enhance your life. I'm not sure how to define the idea of "completing" someone else but we get the drift and I certainly think this distinction is important to keep in mind. I think that to some extent we MUST as humans be dependent on each other and so sometimes Western-style independence is IMO rather exaggerated. I suppose in some way we can be dependent but in more detached rather than attached way (not speaking of emotional attachment but in the way mentioned earlier, if you get my lingo).
I'm sure awareness of the traps plus some hard earned experience helps in becoming better at judging character and knowing that we deserve and can have the good stuff. I'm hooked on problem-solving so wonder at times if a sound person would bore me, LOL; but I know it's not the way to go anymore.
venere08: Hello Amaryllis.
Hello symbolistartist. How are you both today?
It's always so uplifting to see you both here.
Hello symbolistartist. How are you both today?
It's always so uplifting to see you both here.
Hi Ven! Thanks! Sorry I did not see this earlier. I was off right after I read your advice about living our lives as usual to ensure remaining interesting to the outside world as well as online. I want to remain interesting
You've created a real fantastic thread here! It's not only Rusty but even Phoenix - good gracious! - talking straight now. I thought all he can talk about are ciggies, plonk (whatever that is), and Liverpool. Seems like Jan is right .. about the gold nuggets thing
Amaryllis: Hi Ven! Thanks! Sorry I did not see this earlier. I was off right after I read your advice about living our lives as usual to ensure remaining interesting to the outside world as well as online. I want to remain interesting
You've created a real fantastic thread here! It's not only Rusty but even Phoenix - good gracious! - talking straight now. I thought all he can talk about are ciggies, plonk (whatever that is), and Liverpool. Seems like Jan is right .. about the gold nuggets thing
You've created a real fantastic thread here! It's not only Rusty but even Phoenix - good gracious! - talking straight now. I thought all he can talk about are ciggies, plonk (whatever that is), and Liverpool. Seems like Jan is right .. about the gold nuggets thing
Amaryllis: Hi Ven! Thanks! Sorry I did not see this earlier. I was off right after I read your advice about living our lives as usual to ensure remaining interesting to the outside world as well as online. I want to remain interesting
You've created a real fantastic thread here! It's not only Rusty but even Phoenix - good gracious! - talking straight now. I thought all he can talk about are ciggies, plonk (whatever that is), and Liverpool. Seems like Jan is right .. about the gold nuggets thing
You've created a real fantastic thread here! It's not only Rusty but even Phoenix - good gracious! - talking straight now. I thought all he can talk about are ciggies, plonk (whatever that is), and Liverpool. Seems like Jan is right .. about the gold nuggets thing
Hello Amaryllis! Yes, it's great to see Phoenix interested in this topic. He is actually a very insightful man, if he were to ever admit it. And indeed so is rusty, and a few other men here. Well, relationships are why we're all here. In one way or another, we all relate.
BTW, A, I have cousins in Belgium, I think in Charlerois??
You've obviously made it your home and love it there.
I was there in the 70's. I sprained my ankle quite severely while walking in platform heels on a cobbled stone footpath.
It meant I had to stay there for 3 weeks.
venere08: I sprained my ankle quite severely while walking in platform heels on a cobbled stone footpath.
It meant I had to stay there for 3 weeks.
It meant I had to stay there for 3 weeks.
How terrible! I hope you recovered. I can think of nothing worse than being forced to stay for three weeks in a city named after a disgusting vegetable (or was it vice versa?). It must have been Hell on earth. My deepest sympathies to you; it's a wonder that after such a long time there your head didn't turn green and start peeling off in bits.
rusty_knight: How terrible! I hope you recovered. I can think of nothing worse than being forced to stay for three weeks in a city named after a disgusting vegetable (or was it vice versa?). It must have been Hell on earth. My deepest sympathies to you; it's a wonder that after such a long time there your head didn't turn green and start peeling off in bits.
Oh, rusty. I loved being there that extra time, particularly as it meant my father and I could spend more time with my uncle, as well as other friends. But we had a finite time left on our trip and while not following a strict timetable, we still had time constraints.
Having said that, when we were there, we saw very little sunshine. I recall only a handful of days when the sun shone, mostly it was grey clouds and overcast. I felt sorry for everyone there. But perhaps it is not like that normally, I don't know.
One thing though, one of my cousins took me on a 'cafe crawl'. I really don't know how I didn't end up totally smashed with all the different beers I tried. I had only ever had a glass of wine with a meal at home!
But boy, were they tasty.venere08: Oh, rusty. I loved being there that extra time, particularly as it meant my father and I could spend more time with my uncle, as well as other friends. But we had a finite time left on our trip and while not following a strict timetable, we still had time constraints.
Having said that, when we were there, we saw very little sunshine. I recall only a handful of days when the sun shone, mostly it was grey clouds and overcast. I felt sorry for everyone there. But perhaps it is not like that normally, I don't know.
One thing though, one of my cousins took me on a 'cafe crawl'. I really don't know how I didn't end up totally smashed with all the different beers I tried. I had only ever had a glass of wine with a meal at home! But boy, were they tasty.
Having said that, when we were there, we saw very little sunshine. I recall only a handful of days when the sun shone, mostly it was grey clouds and overcast. I felt sorry for everyone there. But perhaps it is not like that normally, I don't know.
One thing though, one of my cousins took me on a 'cafe crawl'. I really don't know how I didn't end up totally smashed with all the different beers I tried. I had only ever had a glass of wine with a meal at home! But boy, were they tasty.
Please stop writing nice posts - how can I be mean and nasty to you if you keep writing nice pleasant posts! It's just not fair!
rusty_knight: Please stop writing nice posts - how can I be mean and nasty to you if you keep writing nice pleasant posts! It's just not fair!
Well, I shall have to make amends
In the meantime, Lago must be lurking about somewhere nearby.
I'm sure he will soon dish out enough insults enough for the two of you!
I'm not my usual self today....I feel a compliment coming on....
venere08: Well, I shall have to make amends
In the meantime, Lago must be lurking about somewhere nearby.
I'm sure he will soon dish out enough insults enough for the two of you!
In the meantime, Lago must be lurking about somewhere nearby.
I'm sure he will soon dish out enough insults enough for the two of you!
Lagoona22: I'm not my usual self today....I feel a compliment coming on....
Sit back and let me take your temperature. You must be unwell.
No, not that end!
Your mouth, thank you.
Stop being rude Ven...that's my job, thank you...
venere08: Sit back and let me take your temperature. You must be unwell.
No, not that end!
Your mouth, thank you.
No, not that end!
Your mouth, thank you.
Lagoona22: Stop being rude Ven...that's my job, thank you...
Sorry, but the day I joined CS, in July 08, was the day that set me on my path of no return, to flurting and roodness.
Oh Ven....you fallen angel you....
venere08: Sorry, but the day I joined CS, in July 08, was the day that set me on my path of no return, to flurting and roodness.
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Oh.
Ask your questions then. Don't blame me when I am gone.