how do you fall in love with a computer monitor.... (208)
Snuggs09: Oh boy, I figured it would come to this. I never implied that you are not a trusting man. It was a hypothetical scenario
And yes, we will agree to disagree with respect to each other.
John, this has nothing to do with trusting people on the computer. It has nothing to do with scammers.
It has everything to do with emotions. How we perceive what someone says to us.
It's about people who say they are in love with someone they met on the computer but never met in real life.
And yes, we will agree to disagree with respect to each other.
John, this has nothing to do with trusting people on the computer. It has nothing to do with scammers.
It has everything to do with emotions. How we perceive what someone says to us.
It's about people who say they are in love with someone they met on the computer but never met in real life.
This makes no sense to me. You say it has nothing to do with trusting people then you go on to say it is how we perceive what someone says to us can not be trusted. You say we must not trust other's emotions! Why? If your frame of reference from past experiences causes you to not believe other's actions is this not the same thing.
I truly believe most people on the internet use 'love' to mean they like you a lot. There is nothing wrong with trusting someone enough to believe what they tell you is truthful. Time will prove it out one way of the other.
If you communicate through various methods and over a period of time you will separate the good from the bad. The same as we do on this Forum Threads. We all know some of the 'regulars' and know certain things into their character, attitudes, traits and what they might be in 'real life'. Could be be fooled? Yes, but it is really hard for the average person to pretend over a long period of time.
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Big_John: I disagree with you final sentence. You state that we are not what we say. I truly believe a man is exactly what he says. We hold our leaders accountable for each word that comes out of their mouth. A man lives by his word. His actions must follow his word to be consistant.
But Big John, we have seen in physical life people lie about themselves and have not remained true to their word. I think it is esier to do this behind a screen. The person typing the words is real, but are they being real to us?
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Big_John: This makes no sense to me. You say it has nothing to do with trusting people then you go on to say it is how we perceive what someone says to us can not be trusted. You say we must not trust other's emotions! Why? If your frame of reference from past experiences causes you to not believe other's actions is this not the same thing.
I truly believe most people on the internet use 'love' to mean they like you a lot. There is nothing wrong with trusting someone enough to believe what they tell you is truthful. Time will prove it out one way of the other.
If you communicate through various methods and over a period of time you will separate the good from the bad. The same as we do on this Forum Threads. We all know some of the 'regulars' and know certain things into their character, attitudes, traits and what they might be in 'real life'. Could be be fooled? Yes, but it is really hard for the average person to pretend over a long period of time.
I truly believe most people on the internet use 'love' to mean they like you a lot. There is nothing wrong with trusting someone enough to believe what they tell you is truthful. Time will prove it out one way of the other.
If you communicate through various methods and over a period of time you will separate the good from the bad. The same as we do on this Forum Threads. We all know some of the 'regulars' and know certain things into their character, attitudes, traits and what they might be in 'real life'. Could be be fooled? Yes, but it is really hard for the average person to pretend over a long period of time.
I think Big John and all of us agree on one huge point, "It takes time in any format to really get to know someone."
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buzzy: This is just my point. You really didn't get to know the real person until you get to that certain point in your lives, when his true self immerged. You can't get to that point if you are not in a physical relationship. Until that time you only have what you precieve in your mind. What you precieve may be correct, or maybe not. But you won't know until you meet in physical life.
Very true...and his true self emerged only after we were married.
I agree that you can get to know a person online through emails and IM, and talk to them on the phone, but can't really get to know them completely until you meet in person. It's the day-in, day-out behavior that tells you what someone is really like. A better idea of that will surely form when you do meet someone in person. Online, the subtle things like body language and facial expressions are missing, and although voice inflection helps on the phone, it still doesn't give you those.
But, I think you can get to know someone pretty well online and on the phone, too. If you're in contact over a long time, you'll get to know them well enough to have a better idea of what they're really like. Even after what I've been through, I don't think a person can keep up a charade for a long period of time. Eventually, the real them will surface if they've been portraying something different than who they really are.
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This isn't all make believe, it is real. There are real live human beings on the other end that you're communicating with.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
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kidatheart: This isn't all make believe, it is real. There are real live human beings on the other end that you're communicating with.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
Very well said.
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Snuggs09: Before I go any further, this is NOT about anyone in particular.
The way this subject came up for me is within the past week or two I've heard several of you say you met someone on CS, fell in love and are now together and very happy.
But I am wondering, is that really the order that it happened.
Some say they are in love with someone on CS but never met.
How do you fall in love with images on a computer screen or words over the phone. I'm not being facitious.... I'm being realistic.
I have no doubt that someone will say "you just get a feeling that he/she is real".
I personally need to be in the presence of the person I care about to develop charisma and a connection with him.
I need to look into his eyes....the heart of his conscience.
I believe that you are not what you say....you are what you do.
The way this subject came up for me is within the past week or two I've heard several of you say you met someone on CS, fell in love and are now together and very happy.
But I am wondering, is that really the order that it happened.
Some say they are in love with someone on CS but never met.
How do you fall in love with images on a computer screen or words over the phone. I'm not being facitious.... I'm being realistic.
I have no doubt that someone will say "you just get a feeling that he/she is real".
I personally need to be in the presence of the person I care about to develop charisma and a connection with him.
I need to look into his eyes....the heart of his conscience.
I believe that you are not what you say....you are what you do.
As far as I'm concerned, you cant.
That is, by my understanding of 'being in love'
Its quite an ambiguous phrase anyway.
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kidatheart: This isn't all make believe, it is real. There are real live human beings on the other end that you're communicating with.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
Agreed, Kid!------ This thread is Archived ------
druidess6308: Very true...and his true self emerged only after we were married.
I agree that you can get to know a person online through emails and IM, and talk to them on the phone, but can't really get to know them completely until you meet in person. It's the day-in, day-out behavior that tells you what someone is really like. A better idea of that will surely form when you do meet someone in person. Online, the subtle things like body language and facial expressions are missing, and although voice inflection helps on the phone, it still doesn't give you those.
But, I think you can get to know someone pretty well online and on the phone, too. If you're in contact over a long time, you'll get to know them well enough to have a better idea of what they're really like. Even after what I've been through, I don't think a person can keep up a charade for a long period of time. Eventually, the real them will surface if they've been portraying something different than who they really are.
I agree that you can get to know a person online through emails and IM, and talk to them on the phone, but can't really get to know them completely until you meet in person. It's the day-in, day-out behavior that tells you what someone is really like. A better idea of that will surely form when you do meet someone in person. Online, the subtle things like body language and facial expressions are missing, and although voice inflection helps on the phone, it still doesn't give you those.
But, I think you can get to know someone pretty well online and on the phone, too. If you're in contact over a long time, you'll get to know them well enough to have a better idea of what they're really like. Even after what I've been through, I don't think a person can keep up a charade for a long period of time. Eventually, the real them will surface if they've been portraying something different than who they really are.
And it's no fault of your own it went that way. And it happens alot. I know of three that went that route.
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druidess6308: Very true...and his true self emerged only after we were married.
I agree that you can get to know a person online through emails and IM, and talk to them on the phone, but can't really get to know them completely until you meet in person. It's the day-in, day-out behavior that tells you what someone is really like. A better idea of that will surely form when you do meet someone in person. Online, the subtle things like body language and facial expressions are missing, and although voice inflection helps on the phone, it still doesn't give you those.
But, I think you can get to know someone pretty well online and on the phone, too. If you're in contact over a long time, you'll get to know them well enough to have a better idea of what they're really like. Even after what I've been through, I don't think a person can keep up a charade for a long period of time. Eventually, the real them will surface if they've been portraying something different than who they really are.
I agree that you can get to know a person online through emails and IM, and talk to them on the phone, but can't really get to know them completely until you meet in person. It's the day-in, day-out behavior that tells you what someone is really like. A better idea of that will surely form when you do meet someone in person. Online, the subtle things like body language and facial expressions are missing, and although voice inflection helps on the phone, it still doesn't give you those.
But, I think you can get to know someone pretty well online and on the phone, too. If you're in contact over a long time, you'll get to know them well enough to have a better idea of what they're really like. Even after what I've been through, I don't think a person can keep up a charade for a long period of time. Eventually, the real them will surface if they've been portraying something different than who they really are.
Dru...I agree you can get to know them to a point. Would you say to that person "I love you" in a romantic way because of what they wrote on the computer?.
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takeit4granted: for 3.99 a minute you can fall in lust
Is that before or after taxes?
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ladyfingers: Is that before or after taxes?
It is during heavy breathing.
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when the possibility of human contact is impossible for the time being,,this can be a great medium for getting a wonderful feel for someone. I just had a conversation with a wonderful woman about this,,,those urges to jump into a physical relation are impossible,,and intimate conversations about wants and desires can help us get a better feel for someone on the other side of the screen,,,making that relationship even more desirable,,conversations that may not have taken place when they should have
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Snuggs09: Dru...I agree you can get to know them to a point. Would you say to that person "I love you" in a romantic way because of what they wrote on the computer?.
Just because of what they wrote on a computer screen? No. With phone contact added, and some time really getting to talk about everything under the sun? Yes...I have, and meant it. I still feel it, though at this point I can't do anything about it. I can't help my heart...it's faithful and honest. "I love you" isn't just words to me...it's a feeling deep inside. And it doesn't go away once it's there.
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kidatheart: This isn't all make believe, it is real. There are real live human beings on the other end that you're communicating with.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
Great post kid.The problem (as I see it) is that we build the trust in a relationship based on what we have perceived from the a 2 dimensional medium: text and talk. Although the person at the other end may be as open and honest as you are, they are not spending physical time with you. And it's very often very different in person because people may hold back some of themselves based on the "unreal" (for want of a better word) aspect of the cyber relationship. You or I do not get the full monty of personality, presence, attitude, etc. this way.
I wouldn't I could "fall in love" with a monitor", but I can certainly engage in conversations that may eventually lead to more than a pen pal type relationship.
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druidess6308: Just because of what they wrote on a computer screen? No. With phone contact added, and some time really getting to talk about everything under the sun? Yes...I have, and meant it. I still feel it, though at this point I can't do anything about it. I can't help my heart...it's faithful and honest. "I love you" isn't just words to me...it's a feeling deep inside. And it doesn't go away once it's there.
One person said people hide behind computer screens.
Another one said he is honest and trustworthy.
Someone else said he doesn't think you can love someone in a romantic way just by what they say on the computer.
I do feel you can love someone for being a good person, but I'm talking about romantic love, the thing that you feel in the pit of your stomach, the thing that makes you think about him or her all day long.
Dru, suppose you profess to someone you met on the computer that you love him. Eventually you meet but he's not happy with you after you meet him. You both go your own way but you are are still "in love" with him who was originally a phantom. Is it wise to give your heart away before you even meet him.
I'm directing this to you because it is your post that I'm quoting to.
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snuggs This probably won't make much sense but this is how I feel.Up until now I didn't quite understand how someone can say they've fallen in love with someone they've met just by having contact over the internet and through emails if you've never met them in person.You can call it love or you can call it lust.
I thought for me to only fall in love with a man after a few chats and emailing online I would also have to meet them in person.I now believe that anything is possible.
Yes,I get goo goo eyed all the time over an actor I see on tv but I then separate myself from that make believe world back to and the real world.
At times I saw the internet as a make believe world with only actors.
I've been asked by people then why am I on a dating site if I don't regard the internet as being part of the real world.
Sometimes now I ask myself that very same question.When I first came here I wasn't really ready for a relationship cause I was grieving my late husband but I'm beyond that point in my life now that I'm ready to accept another man in my life.
There is one person on here that I've been chatting with almost everyday and have spoke with them on the phone who has helped me to make some sense out of all this dating stuff and has made me realize that there are some real live people on here with feelings, who hurt,cry and feel and have wants and needs just like I do.
Am I in love with him no,as a online friend I value him very much as a someone who's been there for me when I was going through a hard time and who listened to me and never judged me but just listened to me vent etc.True I've never met him in person but by chatting with him and talking with him on the phone he I know in my heart that he is a real person.
I thought for me to only fall in love with a man after a few chats and emailing online I would also have to meet them in person.I now believe that anything is possible.
Yes,I get goo goo eyed all the time over an actor I see on tv but I then separate myself from that make believe world back to and the real world.
At times I saw the internet as a make believe world with only actors.
I've been asked by people then why am I on a dating site if I don't regard the internet as being part of the real world.
Sometimes now I ask myself that very same question.When I first came here I wasn't really ready for a relationship cause I was grieving my late husband but I'm beyond that point in my life now that I'm ready to accept another man in my life.
There is one person on here that I've been chatting with almost everyday and have spoke with them on the phone who has helped me to make some sense out of all this dating stuff and has made me realize that there are some real live people on here with feelings, who hurt,cry and feel and have wants and needs just like I do.
Am I in love with him no,as a online friend I value him very much as a someone who's been there for me when I was going through a hard time and who listened to me and never judged me but just listened to me vent etc.True I've never met him in person but by chatting with him and talking with him on the phone he I know in my heart that he is a real person.
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nurcnurc: Great post kid.
The problem (as I see it) is that we build the trust in a relationship based on what we have perceived from the a 2 dimensional medium: text and talk. Although the person at the other end may be as open and honest as you are, they are not spending physical time with you. And it's very often very different in person because people may hold back some of themselves based on the "unreal" (for want of a better word) aspect of the cyber relationship. You or I do not get the full monty of personality, presence, attitude, etc. this way.I wouldn't I could "fall in love" with a monitor", but I can certainly engage in conversations that may eventually lead to more than a pen pal type relationship.
The problem (as I see it) is that we build the trust in a relationship based on what we have perceived from the a 2 dimensional medium: text and talk. Although the person at the other end may be as open and honest as you are, they are not spending physical time with you. And it's very often very different in person because people may hold back some of themselves based on the "unreal" (for want of a better word) aspect of the cyber relationship. You or I do not get the full monty of personality, presence, attitude, etc. this way.I wouldn't I could "fall in love" with a monitor", but I can certainly engage in conversations that may eventually lead to more than a pen pal type relationship.
Thank you Nurc....you made my point.
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We all know men and women are different in many ways. I do believe guys are more visual than women. So to answer the OP question I think we can build up an image into our minds that become very powerful. Is it love, I doubt it. It could develop into a relationship that good lead to love.
I disagree with you final sentence. You state that we are not what we say. I truly believe a man is exactly what he says. We hold our leaders accountable for each word that comes out of their mouth. A man lives by his word. His actions must follow his word to be consistant.