how do you fall in love with a computer monitor.... ( Archived) (208)

jlb684: I agree with you, John, and it is because of this very thing (building up images in our minds) that I think people who are interested in each other online should make every effort to meet as soon as possible. Built-up images can be a slippery slope; sometimes the image becomes bigger and better than the person can live up to. We're all just people and we must avoid being put on anyone's mental pedestal...it can be a long fall from up there.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.

nurcnurc: My point is not about appearances although I made the example of pictures. I'd much prefer no picture as to one posting a pic of someone else or very old, because to me that is dishonest. My point is that BOTH parties should be honest. I'm agreeing with you on that point. ExpectatingExpectations of honesty and receiving less than that is what causes people to "fall in love" with the image projected on the computer. IRL once you meet and finding out honesty is not what the person is brings disappointment and then increased caution and even no faith in this medium.

kidatheart: No, I wouldn't say it unless I meant it, but I do believe it's possible to fall in love with someone you meet online, even before meeting in person.

I think this thread has more to do with trust than love, from reading all the posts, although they do go hand in hand. If you're not able to trust, whether it's the other person, or yourself, then how can you expect to be able to fall in love, on here or anywhere?

jlb684: I agree with you, John, and it is because of this very thing (building up images in our minds) that I think people who are interested in each other online should make every effort to meet as soon as possible. Built-up images can be a slippery slope; sometimes the image becomes bigger and better than the person can live up to. We're all just people and we must avoid being put on anyone's mental pedestal...it can be a long fall from up there.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.

Snuggs09: Good morning John

Let's be hypothetical here....

You and I write in private email. We get along, we get happy, we talk on the phone, we hear from each other what we want to hear and each of us decides I like him, I like her. All we know about each other is what we tell each other in email or on the phone.

This goes on for five months. We don't see how each other handles themselves in real life. Computers are not real life. They are a means of communication.

The reason I say "you are what you do...not what you say" is because ..... talk is cheap and you can say anything you want on the phone or through a keyboard. But if you do something for someone, that is part of who you are.

Let's say my daughter is in the hospital. You say, I wish I could be there to help you. I perceive that to mean, you would be by my side comforting me, but in real life you aren't the kind of person who believes in listening to me cry about something.

This is all make believe John.

Snuggs09: Good morning John

Let's be hypothetical here....

You and I write in private email. We get along, we get happy, we talk on the phone, we hear from each other what we want to hear and each of us decides I like him, I like her. All we know about each other is what we tell each other in email or on the phone.

This goes on for five months. We don't see how each other handles themselves in real life. Computers are not real life. They are a means of communication.

The reason I say "you are what you do...not what you say" is because ..... talk is cheap and you can say anything you want on the phone or through a keyboard. But if you do something for someone, that is part of who you are.

Let's say my daughter is in the hospital. You say, I wish I could be there to help you. I perceive that to mean, you would be by my side comforting me, but in real life you aren't the kind of person who believes in listening to me cry about something.

This is all make believe John.

takeit4granted: when the possibility of human contact is impossible for the time being,,this can be a great medium for getting a wonderful feel for someone. I just had a conversation with a wonderful woman about this,,,those urges to jump into a physical relation are impossible,,and intimate conversations about wants and desires can help us get a better feel for someone on the other side of the screen,,,making that relationship even more desirable,,conversations that may not have taken place when they should have

petalbabe: Im tempted to do you for Plaugerism!!!



There is no quick way to really falling in love. You can fall in lust, or infatuation, or imagery, but falling love comes over time. It comes from listening, talking, crying, laughing touching and exploring - both emotionally and physically.

This is why Ive changed my views on LDRs; the temptation to jump into bed with each other - however much you may want to - is not an option. So you explore all the other facets of each other first.

In my opinion, that is more likely to produce a lasting relationship than one that is based on pure lust from just meeting someone in a bar alone..