how do you fall in love with a computer monitor.... (208)
Snuggs09: One person said people hide behind computer screens.
Another one said he is honest and trustworthy.
Someone else said he doesn't think you can love someone in a romantic way just by what they say on the computer.
I do feel you can love someone for being a good person, but I'm talking about romantic love, the thing that you feel in the pit of your stomach, the thing that makes you think about him or her all day long.
Dru, suppose you profess to someone you met on the computer that you love him. Eventually you meet but he's not happy with you after you meet him. You both go your own way but you are are still "in love" with him who was originally a phantom. Is it wise to give your heart away before you even meet him.
I'm directing this to you because it is your post that I'm quoting to.
Another one said he is honest and trustworthy.
Someone else said he doesn't think you can love someone in a romantic way just by what they say on the computer.
I do feel you can love someone for being a good person, but I'm talking about romantic love, the thing that you feel in the pit of your stomach, the thing that makes you think about him or her all day long.
Dru, suppose you profess to someone you met on the computer that you love him. Eventually you meet but he's not happy with you after you meet him. You both go your own way but you are are still "in love" with him who was originally a phantom. Is it wise to give your heart away before you even meet him.
I'm directing this to you because it is your post that I'm quoting to.
I can't guard my heart that way, Snuggs. If it turns out that the man I love is a phantom, I'll get over it and heal. I've been there before, and it happened in person, not online. Hearts aren't always wise, and I can't use wisdom or fear as a guide for how and who I love. I do or I don't.
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Everyone have fun...I have frustrated sons who want computer time. 
See everyone tonight...maybe.
See everyone tonight...maybe.
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somechick: snuggs This probably won't make much sense but this is how I feel.Up until now I didn't quite understand how someone can say they've fallen in love with someone they've met just by having contact over the internet and through emails if you've never met them in person.You can call it love or you can call it lust.
I thought for me to only fall in love with a man after a few chats and emailing online I would also have to meet them in person.I now believe that anything is possible.
Yes,I get goo goo eyed all the time over an actor I see on tv but I then separate myself from that make believe world back to and the real world.
At times I saw the internet as a make believe world with only actors.
I've been asked by people then why am I on a dating site if I don't regard the internet as being part of the real world.
Sometimes now I ask myself that very same question.When I first came here I wasn't really ready for a relationship cause I was grieving my late husband but I'm beyond that point in my life now that I'm ready to accept another man in my life.
There is one person on here that I've been chatting with almost everyday and have spoke with them on the phone who has helped me to make some sense out of all this dating stuff and has made me realize that there are some real live people on here with feelings, who hurt,cry and feel and have wants and needs just like I do.
Am I in love with him no,as a online friend I value him very much as a someone who's been there for me when I was going through a hard time and who listened to me and never judged me but just listened to me vent etc.True I've never met him in person but by chatting with him and talking with him on the phone he I know in my heart that he is a real person.
I thought for me to only fall in love with a man after a few chats and emailing online I would also have to meet them in person.I now believe that anything is possible.
Yes,I get goo goo eyed all the time over an actor I see on tv but I then separate myself from that make believe world back to and the real world.
At times I saw the internet as a make believe world with only actors.
I've been asked by people then why am I on a dating site if I don't regard the internet as being part of the real world.
Sometimes now I ask myself that very same question.When I first came here I wasn't really ready for a relationship cause I was grieving my late husband but I'm beyond that point in my life now that I'm ready to accept another man in my life.
There is one person on here that I've been chatting with almost everyday and have spoke with them on the phone who has helped me to make some sense out of all this dating stuff and has made me realize that there are some real live people on here with feelings, who hurt,cry and feel and have wants and needs just like I do.
Am I in love with him no,as a online friend I value him very much as a someone who's been there for me when I was going through a hard time and who listened to me and never judged me but just listened to me vent etc.True I've never met him in person but by chatting with him and talking with him on the phone he I know in my heart that he is a real person.
Your post is beautiful. I can see loving someone for helping me through a hard time, being kind, supportive, and most importantly, for being a good person. Your friend has been there for you and IMO, sometimes that is more fulfilling than what they call being in love.
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Big_John: ..... So to answer the OP question I think we can build up an image into our minds that become very powerful. Is it love, I doubt it. It could develop into a relationship that good lead to love...
I agree with you, John, and it is because of this very thing (building up images in our minds) that I think people who are interested in each other online should make every effort to meet as soon as possible. Built-up images can be a slippery slope; sometimes the image becomes bigger and better than the person can live up to. We're all just people and we must avoid being put on anyone's mental pedestal...it can be a long fall from up there.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.
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jlb684: I agree with you, John, and it is because of this very thing (building up images in our minds) that I think people who are interested in each other online should make every effort to meet as soon as possible. Built-up images can be a slippery slope; sometimes the image becomes bigger and better than the person can live up to. We're all just people and we must avoid being put on anyone's mental pedestal...it can be a long fall from up there.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.
Exactly
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jlb684: I agree with you, John, and it is because of this very thing (building up images in our minds) that I think people who are interested in each other online should make every effort to meet as soon as possible. Built-up images can be a slippery slope; sometimes the image becomes bigger and better than the person can live up to. We're all just people and we must avoid being put on anyone's mental pedestal...it can be a long fall from up there.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.
Attraction and interest and desire can indeed be found online; keeping it in reality is a bit more difficult. I really do feel strongly that prolonging the flirtations and emails (though they may be fun and good for one's ego) is just not a good idea; an early meeting is best, if at all possible. When there is a great distance to deal with, it may take some time before a meeting can take place. But how much time does anyone really want to invest in building a virtual relationship with someone who is far away? Until you actually meet and spend time with each other, the relationship isn't really a relationship, in my opinion. It is just an expression of a possible interest.
I don't believe one can love someone without having met them, seen them smile, held their hand, witnessed them interact with others, and...yes...looked into their eyes.
Yet people say they are in love before they meet....
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Snuggs09: Hey Dru....Truer words were never spoken. You don't know someone until you live under the same roof. I worked with someone that I dated for two years. Fell in love with him. He moved to another state and asked me to come along. I said no at first but then changed my mind and it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Once I lived with him he was a different person.
I think we are in love with the "perception" of that person until we've actually lived with them. We're always hoping for the best, but it's a risk.
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Snuggs09: Yet people say they are in love before they meet....
love has different dimensions,,intensity's,,concepts
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kidatheart: If two people are honest about everything, what's the difference?
It's the person inside you fall in love with, not their carcass.
Meeting in person, after spending time online or on the phone is simply a confirmation, or sealing it, if your feelings are true to begin with.
It's the person inside you fall in love with, not their carcass.
Meeting in person, after spending time online or on the phone is simply a confirmation, or sealing it, if your feelings are true to begin with.
No difference IF THEY ARE BOTH HONEST. Honesty holds different definitions for some folks it seems. Just like the words friendship, and love including I Love You. The shell becomes important if the pictures are not what you've been provided (such as those who post 10 or 20 year old pictures, etc). That is a type of dishonesty IMO. Confirmation is a good thing but ONLY if they are both being completely honest.
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kidatheart: This isn't all make believe, it is real. There are real live human beings on the other end that you're communicating with.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
The sooner people realise that, the better. If you feel you can turn off the computer and it all goes away, that gives me the impression you're not serious about people.
If you treat this like a video game or an interactive book, then maybe you shouldn't bother with this medium.
It's a way of meeting, and connecting with people, and it's as real as meeting someone in any other fashion. If you don't trust the person on the other end, what's the difference if you met them in person or here? If you like them, or develop feelings for them, what's the difference where you met them?
If this isn't real to you, maybe stick to video games and books, lest someone likes you, and you decide to switch them off and hurt their feelings.
Bravo, Harry!
And, for the record, this is real to me, so I won't resort to video games! Would like to keep my books, though...and you're welcome to play tavli (backgammon) with me anytime! Other than that particular game, I'm not playing any. Yes, we're real people with real feelings and this holds true whether I'm sitting here at my desk, reading a message from a man, or if I'm sitting at a coffee shop, engaging in conversation with a man I just met at the table next to me. Time will tell...I'll find him to be a good and honest and appealing man or I will discover that he's a slimeball. Computer or coffee shop, makes no real difference.
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venere08: Hi Snuggs,
I have read, and had discussions with a quantum physicist, about the nature of thoughts and how people can communicate from afar, sometimes without even speaking or hearing the other person's voice. Concepts such as 'transmutation' exist and can be 'quantified' and measured by q/ph's.
We form holographic images every time we have a thought, plus vivid image, plus intense emotion attached to that visualisation. It is this process that is the very beginning of manifesting the real thing. UNfortunately, often times we can cancel out or neutralise this process by our negative thoughts and emotions.
Essentially, it is very possible to 'fall in love with a computer monitor" as you put it, even only through words on a screen, because we process those words, as per above.
Clear as mud?
I have read, and had discussions with a quantum physicist, about the nature of thoughts and how people can communicate from afar, sometimes without even speaking or hearing the other person's voice. Concepts such as 'transmutation' exist and can be 'quantified' and measured by q/ph's.
We form holographic images every time we have a thought, plus vivid image, plus intense emotion attached to that visualisation. It is this process that is the very beginning of manifesting the real thing. UNfortunately, often times we can cancel out or neutralise this process by our negative thoughts and emotions.
Essentially, it is very possible to 'fall in love with a computer monitor" as you put it, even only through words on a screen, because we process those words, as per above.
Clear as mud?
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Big_John: I think as a man who is self described as a visual person I believe you can fall in love with an image on the computer. We go to movies and find outselves attracted to the movie star. We watch television and lust for someone on the screen. We watch videos on our computers and long for that person. I read the news on my computer and see pictures of women and I find myself drawn to them.
We all know men and women are different in many ways. I do believe guys are more visual than women. So to answer the OP question I think we can build up an image into our minds that become very powerful. Is it love, I doubt it. It could develop into a relationship that good lead to love.
I disagree with you final sentence. You state that we are not what we say. I truly believe a man is exactly what he says. We hold our leaders accountable for each word that comes out of their mouth. A man lives by his word. His actions must follow his word to be consistant.
We all know men and women are different in many ways. I do believe guys are more visual than women. So to answer the OP question I think we can build up an image into our minds that become very powerful. Is it love, I doubt it. It could develop into a relationship that good lead to love.
I disagree with you final sentence. You state that we are not what we say. I truly believe a man is exactly what he says. We hold our leaders accountable for each word that comes out of their mouth. A man lives by his word. His actions must follow his word to be consistant.
Damn, these answers are getting better all the time.
Good thread..
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Snuggs09: Yet people say they are in love before they meet....
Yes, Snuggs, some do.
Just not me.
Love is a powerful word and I don't say it or receive it lightly. It means something and that something is huge. I don't toss it around casually, whether with a man or even with my dear friends. When I say "I love you", I basically mean that I would do anything in my power to keep you safe and warm and cared for and I would give you anything you would need in your life, if it was mine to give and you needed it more than me. I would do this for my sons, my sisters, my mother, and a few very dear friends. I wouldn't make such a commitment to someone that I have never touched or embraced.
Love may mean different things to different people. To me, however, it's huge.
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nurcnurc: No difference IF THEY ARE BOTH HONEST. Honesty holds different definitions for some folks it seems. Just like the words friendship, and love including I Love You. The shell becomes important if the pictures are not what you've been provided (such as those who post 10 or 20 year old pictures, etc). That is a type of dishonesty IMO. Confirmation is a good thing but ONLY if they are both being completely honest.
I met someone who didn't have a pic at all. Guess what, she was as lovely as I thought she was, and she was honest about everything.
People tend to put too much emphasis on physical appearences, and fail to see what's really important, the person themselves.
In talking to anyone on here, the only expectation I've ever had was honesty. If that isn't there, then there's nothing. Sure someone can lie about themselves, put up old pics or even someone else's and get you to believe they're something other than they really are, but not everyone does that.
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jlb684: Yes, Snuggs, some do.
Just not me.
Love is a powerful word and I don't say it or receive it lightly. It means something and that something is huge. I don't toss it around casually, whether with a man or even with my dear friends. When I say "I love you", I basically mean that I would do anything in my power to keep you safe and warm and cared for and I would give you anything you would need in your life, if it was mine to give and you needed it more than me. I would do this for my sons, my sisters, my mother, and a few very dear friends. I wouldn't make such a commitment to someone that I have never touched or embraced.
Love may mean different things to different people. To me, however, it's huge.
Just not me.
Love is a powerful word and I don't say it or receive it lightly. It means something and that something is huge. I don't toss it around casually, whether with a man or even with my dear friends. When I say "I love you", I basically mean that I would do anything in my power to keep you safe and warm and cared for and I would give you anything you would need in your life, if it was mine to give and you needed it more than me. I would do this for my sons, my sisters, my mother, and a few very dear friends. I wouldn't make such a commitment to someone that I have never touched or embraced.
Love may mean different things to different people. To me, however, it's huge.
Again, I am in agreement with you.
I guess it depends on each persons understanding of what love is. When I love someone, I would go to the ends of the earth for him. He is deep in my heart and that's why it's difficult when there is a breakup.
If love is a generic word, how is it possible some say they would do all the things you said with someone they never met.
If there's one thing I know from this thread....there sure isn't going to be anyone contacting me about being interested in getting to know me.
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kidatheart: I met someone who didn't have a pic at all. Guess what, she was as lovely as I thought she was, and she was honest about everything.
People tend to put too much emphasis on physical appearences, and fail to see what's really important, the person themselves.
In talking to anyone on here, the only expectation I've ever had was honesty. If that isn't there, then there's nothing. Sure someone can lie about themselves, put up old pics or even someone else's and get you to believe they're something other than they really are, but not everyone does that.
People tend to put too much emphasis on physical appearences, and fail to see what's really important, the person themselves.
In talking to anyone on here, the only expectation I've ever had was honesty. If that isn't there, then there's nothing. Sure someone can lie about themselves, put up old pics or even someone else's and get you to believe they're something other than they really are, but not everyone does that.
Kid....did you tell her before you met her that you love her as THAT is what this thread is about.
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Snuggs09: Kid....did you tell her before you met her that you love her as THAT is what this thread is about.
No, I wouldn't say it unless I meant it, but I do believe it's possible to fall in love with someone you meet online, even before meeting in person.
I think this thread has more to do with trust than love, from reading all the posts, although they do go hand in hand. If you're not able to trust, whether it's the other person, or yourself, then how can you expect to be able to fall in love, on here or anywhere?
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kidatheart: I met someone who didn't have a pic at all. Guess what, she was as lovely as I thought she was, and she was honest about everything.
People tend to put too much emphasis on physical appearences, and fail to see what's really important, the person themselves.
In talking to anyone on here, the only expectation I've ever had was honesty. If that isn't there, then there's nothing. Sure someone can lie about themselves, put up old pics or even someone else's and get you to believe they're something other than they really are, but not everyone does that.
People tend to put too much emphasis on physical appearences, and fail to see what's really important, the person themselves.
In talking to anyone on here, the only expectation I've ever had was honesty. If that isn't there, then there's nothing. Sure someone can lie about themselves, put up old pics or even someone else's and get you to believe they're something other than they really are, but not everyone does that.
My point is not about appearances although I made the example of pictures. I'd much prefer no picture as to one posting a pic of someone else or very old, because to me that is dishonest. My point is that BOTH parties should be honest. I'm agreeing with you on that point. Expectating honesty and receiving less than that is what causes people to "fall in love" with the image projected on the computer. IRL once you meet and finding out honesty is not what the person is brings disappointment and then increased caution and even no faith in this medium.
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The problem (as I see it) is that we build the trust in a relationship based on what we have perceived from the a 2 dimensional medium: text and talk. Although the person at the other end may be as open and honest as you are, they are not spending physical time with you. And it's very often very different in person because people may hold back some of themselves based on the "unreal" (for want of a better word) aspect of the cyber relationship. You or I do not get the full monty of personality, presence, attitude, etc. this way.
I wouldn't I could "fall in love" with a monitor", but I can certainly engage in conversations that may eventually lead to more than a pen pal type relationship.
If two people are honest about everything, what's the difference?
It's the person inside you fall in love with, not their carcass.
Meeting in person, after spending time online or on the phone is simply a confirmation, or sealing it, if your feelings are true to begin with.