How do I tell him? (45)
pubwrite08Columbus, Georgia USA14 Threads 2,451 PostsIf you drag it out without a word. He may think you are "feeling" him. It might hurt him now, but it will hurt him more later. If he is a good friend he will stay your friend.
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Snuggs09: I don't think I would say "I don't want to do this any longer". Saying it that way makes it sound like a project.
It might sound more honest if you said something like "I don't think we are making a connection "his name". He will probably say....what do you mean....and that will open the door for you to explain. If he doesn't ask what do you mean, then he was probably feeling the same way but didn't know how to tell you. If I was in the situation I would NOT ask him to be friends.
Hi snuggs, I am a bit sterile sometimes, I know. But honestly, in Owen's case, she has only known him a month and that is an opening line only. It might sound more honest if you said something like "I don't think we are making a connection "his name". He will probably say....what do you mean....and that will open the door for you to explain. If he doesn't ask what do you mean, then he was probably feeling the same way but didn't know how to tell you. If I was in the situation I would NOT ask him to be friends.
You know me, a little 'chilly' sometimes.
While I would not want to hurt a person badly, there is only so much thinking I can do about them. I have myself to consider and tying myself up in knots would not serve me, my kids or anyone around me who cares.------ This thread is Archived ------
I think that you have to put yourself first here sweetowen, you are already putting his feelings before your'es,be true to you and be honest with him, if he gets angry then he has to work round that himself..
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sweetowen: I met a really nice guy a little over a month ago. We've talked on the phone, texted, IMed, & emalied several times. He's even traveled quite a distance twice to come see me. I enjoy talking to him & have fun with him. However, the feeling's just not there for him. How do I tell him this without making him angry? He's told me several times that he really likes me. And I want to like him because he's so nice. But if I'm not feeling it, there's not much I can do about it. I can't force myself to feel something that doesn't exist. What can I do?
I agree with most of the gang here... be honest with him and maybe telling him in person is not possible but over the phone would be the second option.
Telling him in an email or a text isn't your style..... Better to do it now that it's fresh and the wounds wouldn't be so harsh than months or a year down the line...
Good luck to you....it's a hard thing to do but it just may be worth it in the end.... you don't feel guilty anymore (which I don't know why seeing that you are being honest) and he will accept it and carry on..
Cheers
Curvy
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pubwrite08: If you drag it out without a word. He may think you are "feeling" him. It might hurt him now, but it will hurt him more later. If he is a good friend he will stay your friend.
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I have found that "for myself", there have been many times in my life I have wanted the instant gratification, the feeling of utopia.
Maybe in my OLD AGE, I am really learning that love and friendships are created over a period of time.
Maybe in my OLD AGE, I am really learning that love and friendships are created over a period of time.
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jbibiza: When I´m in a situation and not sure how to handle it I "put the shoe on the other foot" and think about how I would like someone to handle the same situation with me...
I can honestly say that I would rather someone be direct and honest rather than be with me and only going through the motions... not much satisfaction in that for either party.
I can honestly say that I would rather someone be direct and honest rather than be with me and only going through the motions... not much satisfaction in that for either party.
Agreed... I too would rather someone be honest with me and tell me the truth. On my part I would be honest and tell him the truth....
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I guess I'll just tell him. It's really difficult because I do enjoy talking with him, but only as friends. And I don't want to hurt him.
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Inthis situation be honest, thats the best way!
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sweetowen: I met a really nice guy a little over a month ago. We've talked on the phone, texted, IMed, & emalied several times. He's even traveled quite a distance twice to come see me. I enjoy talking to him & have fun with him. However, the feeling's just not there for him. How do I tell him this without making him angry? He's told me several times that he really likes me. And I want to like him because he's so nice. But if I'm not feeling it, there's not much I can do about it. I can't force myself to feel something that doesn't exist. What can I do?
How about the TRUTH?! Just give this guy the truth. If you like him spare him the drama and just get it straight. I've been both parties to this kind of thing and that's what worked best. good luck.
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hualapaiguy: How about the TRUTH?! Just give this guy the truth. If you like him spare him the drama and just get it straight. I've been both parties to this kind of thing and that's what worked best. good luck.
I only like him as friends. Nothing more. But he wants more. I just need to be honest with him.
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.....Whats wrong with just telling him the 'Truth' is that hard .....??????.....
So simple really .....
J.D...E.M.C.P 
So simple really .....
J.D...E.M.C.P
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sweetowen: I only like him as friends. Nothing more. But he wants more. I just need to be honest with him.
Owen, did you read what I have written earlier? Tell him that you don't want to be with him and then let him decide whether he wants to be friends, he may not want to. And if he does not, then that is up to him, there is not much you can do about that.
I can understand why you feel so reluctant to broach the topic with him, for fear of losing him as a friend and hurting him, but you either tell him, or tie yourself up in knots over the worry about telling him.
What are you so fearful of?
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I ;have had ahistory of not always getting the truth right away and making myself look stupid. I really have had to work on my listening skills.
Separate question, what if a guy is so jealous that when you got sick or something he got his feelings hurt and thought you didn't love him just because you were physically unable to talk like normal? How could you get well and also let him know that you love him today and all days with your whole heart so that he feels secure? 
Separate question, what if a guy is so jealous that when you got sick or something he got his feelings hurt and thought you didn't love him just because you were physically unable to talk like normal? How could you get well and also let him know that you love him today and all days with your whole heart so that he feels secure?
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In response to: I met a really nice guy a little over a month ago. We've talked on the phone, texted, IMed, & emalied several times. He's even traveled quite a distance twice to come see me. I enjoy talking to him & have fun with him. However, the feeling's just not there for him. How do I tell him this without making him angry? He's told me several times that he really likes me. And I want to like him because he's so nice. But if I'm not feeling it, there's not much I can do about it. I can't force myself to feel something that doesn't exist. What can I do?
You can be honest as soon as possible. You seem like a very kind woman Owen but like you said you can't force feelings to be there.
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Big_John: Call him up and tell him you met this fantastic, good lookin', romantic southern gentleman and that you just can't like him because he is a yankee who doesn't eat grits.
If that doesn't work, tell him you are pregant and that it isn't his.
Maybe you could tell him you need a man who lives closer.
Or you could go silent on him.
John ,John, John.....If that doesn't work, tell him you are pregant and that it isn't his.
Maybe you could tell him you need a man who lives closer.
Or you could go silent on him.
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Big_John: Call him up and tell him you met this fantastic, good lookin', romantic southern gentleman and that you just can't like him because he is a yankee who doesn't eat grits.
If that doesn't work, tell him you are pregant and that it isn't his.
Maybe you could tell him you need a man who lives closer.
Or you could go silent on him.
If that doesn't work, tell him you are pregant and that it isn't his.
Maybe you could tell him you need a man who lives closer.
Or you could go silent on him.
.....Now I like this Gentlemen dry sense of humor.....
J.D
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I think we've all been in this situation ... both sides, actually.
When I'm going thru it, I try to remind/ask myself the following, which helps me take the necessary action quicker ...
How many minutes (or hours) have I spent thinking about it, procrastinating?? If I would just pick up the phone and call him, keeping the small talk to just a few minutes, and then just say what I need to say in a polite and graceful way ... it's done in just a few minutes!
Let's also keep things in perspective ... it's only been one month, both will move on very quickly, both will be just fine!
When I'm going thru it, I try to remind/ask myself the following, which helps me take the necessary action quicker ...
How many minutes (or hours) have I spent thinking about it, procrastinating?? If I would just pick up the phone and call him, keeping the small talk to just a few minutes, and then just say what I need to say in a polite and graceful way ... it's done in just a few minutes!
Let's also keep things in perspective ... it's only been one month, both will move on very quickly, both will be just fine!
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If you want to maintain a friendship based relationship with him because he's a good guy, just let him know that you like him but not in the way he likes you. And that you like talking to him and having those types of corespondances with him but romantically, 'i dont feel for you the way you feel for me. I've tried because i do like you. I think your a great person. And to drag this on so that you end up more romantically involved isnt right. I'm sorry if i hurt you. That was not my intention and i would like to stay in touch, just not with the intent of anything romantic'. And leave it up to him to accept the friendship or not and let him know that you understand if he doesnt. There really is nothing to apologize about and he's a big boy.. He wont die because you're not into him romantically. And the sooner the better. Whatever you choose to tell him, do it soon before it seems like your leading him on..
Good Luck
Good Luck
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