CAN YOU FORGIVE YOUR BELVOED'S BETREYAL ? (144)
Ashes: Are u serious SF?????????
Dead...
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handsonesam: THE BETREY KILLS LOVE AS I TRUSTED HER , LOVED HER IN RETURN FOR THAT STAPPED ME IN MY HEART MY OPINION NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
That's HER character flaw/transgression, Handsone (is there supposed to be an "m" in there?), not yours.
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handsonesam: SHE BETREYED ME IN 2002 , STILL I FEEL IT AS IT WAS YESTERADY
ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT
ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT
Then you've allowed her to sentence you to Hell. Is that truly what you want - to give her that kind of power??
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yes i would forgive, but i wouldnt go back to that person..it would be over
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jlb684: I have well moved on. I don't hurt at all. He is nothing more than a memory to me now. I don't think of him, other than in terms of reference.
I long ago moved on.
And I will never forgive him.
Never.
I long ago moved on.
And I will never forgive him.
Never.
I sense a possible contradiction here, Jeffrey.
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avecaim: I agree. It is also important that everyone is clear before-hand on what the boundaries are and who decided them. Rules need to be mutually agreed upon clearly so betrayal doesn't happen accidentally. I know this has happened to me when I failed to make my needs clear to my partner.
Agreed, Tho it takes time and effort for this as well, I just spent 6 months getting to know someone, and put forth Numerous Hours, and in the end , It was ,more of a joke on her side, but here I go again...... Still
Getting awful tired of it, but must go on
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Sommerauer71: I have never forgiven any person because it is the thing to do.
I forgave him five years down the line, when we finally came out of court, I was in another relationship and letting go of all that anger and hurt that I was taking out on my then second partnership, was gone.
And it was not that a wave of forgiveness came over me, it was the whole part of recovering, being able to move on and not drag the cross behind me for everyone else to fall over...
My letting go of all the pain was something that made it easier for my children, it was about my whole recovery that took me five long years and the wounds are cleansed, dressed and healed.
I never want to go through that pain again, but who is say that I will not, nobody knows what will happen, we cannot be with people and say that they must stay with us forever and never be unfaithful, we can say what we want from them, what we expect, but ultimately is down to them to make that choice... But I have a few more emotional tools on board now to be able to handle it differently than I did all those years ago.
I cannot attache caveats to a person in that way, all I can do is what I feel is right for me, in what I offer in a relationship and what I expect.
I forgave him five years down the line, when we finally came out of court, I was in another relationship and letting go of all that anger and hurt that I was taking out on my then second partnership, was gone.
And it was not that a wave of forgiveness came over me, it was the whole part of recovering, being able to move on and not drag the cross behind me for everyone else to fall over...
My letting go of all the pain was something that made it easier for my children, it was about my whole recovery that took me five long years and the wounds are cleansed, dressed and healed.
I never want to go through that pain again, but who is say that I will not, nobody knows what will happen, we cannot be with people and say that they must stay with us forever and never be unfaithful, we can say what we want from them, what we expect, but ultimately is down to them to make that choice... But I have a few more emotional tools on board now to be able to handle it differently than I did all those years ago.
I cannot attache caveats to a person in that way, all I can do is what I feel is right for me, in what I offer in a relationship and what I expect.
I've always regarded your attitude on this as superior, T. Could I achieve it under similar circumstances? Very doubtful. But I do admire you for it nonetheless.
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kissmedeeply: yes i would forgive, but i wouldnt go back to that person..it would be over
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Ambrose2007: I've always regarded your attitude on this as superior, T. Could I achieve it under similar circumstances? Very doubtful. But I do admire you for it nonetheless.
Anger, hatred and bitterness give me wrinkles Ambrose... For some reason, people confuse forgiveness with accepting another's behaviour and all is hunky dory and it is all okay. I am not with him now, he can no longer do anything to me, but people who carry out these acts are not all monsters who don't give a toss. He was tortured as I was, it was a very painful time and no person had the cornerstone on the pain we going on, that was all of us, the children included.
It had to stop somewhere, and that did with my recovery, and I gained far more than I ever lost, the children are happy, he is happy and I am certainly very happy.
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Mrs.Hopkins,my grade 7 Home Econmics teacher,used to walk around and teach barefooted,and I'll never forgive myself for putting a thumtack in her high heel shoe.....NEVER.
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In response to: ARE WE READY TO FORGIVE OUR PARTENER'S BETREYAL?
He hasn't betrayed me.
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don't see as I have much choice 
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avecaim: don't see as I have much choice
It will be ok..."I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."-Margaret Mitchell
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thewall2: Mrs.Hopkins,my grade 7 Home Econmics teacher,used to walk around and teach barefooted,and I'll never forgive myself for putting a thumtack in her high heel shoe.....NEVER.
Nor should you!
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It is not the forgiveness part that bothers me. That I have done. It is the fear that they will do it again that gets my goat. What if it is in her DNA? I am s....ed. 
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I think the best way to come out of that kind of situation/cirmcumstance is to forgive him/her and just move on.In this way you are not only good to that person but it's good yourself too.For me unless whatever happened seems diliberately malicious,I find it pretty easy to forgive that person and let it go.This is not because I may be any kind of a wonderful person or anything.It's just that I'm not the kind of person to hold a grudge towards anyone.I've found out along time ago that if I hold onto a grudge and feelings of anger and betrayal then I'm the one who goes around with my stomach in a knot and smoke coming out of my ears.I'm also giving that particular person the power over the situsation as well.Trust is a very important part of any relationship.Once it's gone it's gone.You'll always be wondering when there will be a repeat of hurt that you're feeling now.It's great to forgive and we should all forgive because it's better for us than holding a grudge.BUT you will never forget. And there is nothing wrong with that either.Now if someone unintentionally hurts you that's different.But if someone does something to knowingly hurt you than you need to let him/her go and just move on.
There's an old saying: Burn me once shame on you,Burn me twice shame on me.
There's an old saying: Burn me once shame on you,Burn me twice shame on me.
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tennesseejudy: It will be ok...
"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."-Margaret Mitchell
"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."-Margaret Mitchell
I feel that i have picked up the pices of life too many times, not all relationships, but life in general, Now it is scar tissue covering the wounds that are there , and Branded to me, That is what makes me who i am today..... as it has softened, and many lessons learned, and probably more tender than before, just much wiser
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Ambrose2007: Very deep, T, very deep.
But your line "forgiveness is...understanding" - I think you hit it on the head there, bro'. That's what I've been trying to say to Athens. Understanding doesn't require condoning the behavior. But understanding almost always involves empathy or compassion. To understand why someone did something is to, to some degree, be able to put yourself in their shoes. That is a formidable undertaking in the case of betrayal.
But your line "forgiveness is...understanding" - I think you hit it on the head there, bro'. That's what I've been trying to say to Athens. Understanding doesn't require condoning the behavior. But understanding almost always involves empathy or compassion. To understand why someone did something is to, to some degree, be able to put yourself in their shoes. That is a formidable undertaking in the case of betrayal.
Agreed. As hard as it may be at times, the best approach is to stop seeing it "our way" and to actually see it "their way"...in their shoes. Changes some things if one is open minded, empathetic, and compassionate enough. That is if one truly wishes to forgive.
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Ambrose2007: Very deep, T, very deep.
But your line "forgiveness is...understanding" - I think you hit it on the head there, bro'. That's what I've been trying to say to Athens. Understanding doesn't require condoning the behavior. But understanding almost always involves empathy or compassion. To understand why someone did something is to, to some degree, be able to put yourself in their shoes. That is a formidable undertaking in the case of betrayal.
But your line "forgiveness is...understanding" - I think you hit it on the head there, bro'. That's what I've been trying to say to Athens. Understanding doesn't require condoning the behavior. But understanding almost always involves empathy or compassion. To understand why someone did something is to, to some degree, be able to put yourself in their shoes. That is a formidable undertaking in the case of betrayal.
ALL kidding aside,not just with betrayal,but pretty much with anything,always put yourself in someone elses shoes,and if it hurts you...then it probably hurts them too.
Good point.
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No, I don't forgive him...not that it matters in any way, shape, or form. And I'm perfectly fine with that.
That's a LOT of "not thinking" about someone "dead" to you, Athens...
I don't think it's a matter of being a "better person" by "forgiving" someone, but rather about having a better life.
"Forgiving" is likely the wrong word. But clearly, by still holding anger toward someone for betraying you, one is continuing to give him or her power over oneself. So really, it's more about self-interest, acting in one's own best interest - not for his or her benefit - that one should consider ceasing (is that better than "forgiving"?) one's condemnation of the betrayer.
After reading your poem, of course, I could never forgive him. But that's my problem.