dating single moms ( Archived) (106)

I am a single mom who adopted my foster son when he was a baby, so there is no freaky father on the sidelines. But I imagine that is not too common.

I think it is too big a risk to take dear...if u can date why not date some one with no commitments ot else be happy with ur own wife...pls ay safe ad be happy

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bryllup

Yes; for instance many women are terrible at choosing a guy to have a kid with. Is the dad a loser or in the picture.

Then if he is in the picture, you are a package deal. What if the kids are out of control or very spoiled. A man really has no say in handling them.

Then say you get married. The new guy has very little to say about religion for the child, discipline, or pretty much anything for that matter.

I think it's beyond insensitive for a woman not to see it.

I disagree, If you are a single parent and have actually gotten to the point where you are going to marry someone, then they should have an active role in your child's life. If I'm just dating someone, then no I would definitely not expect them to do that, nor would I want them to.
But if it was a man that I loved enough to vow to spend my life with, then he would have a say in religion,discipline, or whatever. Because at that point we would be a family.

mjames
From past experience I entered a relationship with a woman that had a 17 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. Both fathers were in the picture (as is to say they were alive) but had no positive influence. In fact the influence was negative IMHO. What I can tell you is that the kids were so out of control that within a month of my moving in this woman and I had to have a serious discussion about basic respect, boundaries, and general house rules. We had this talk before I ever moved in but it all changed after the fact. So we decided together that the kids would not be running the household any longer and that the chaos was going to stop. We agreed that the both of us would in fact be the disciplinarians. I held up to my end of this agreement. She probably for the first time ever began to take action. The chaos simply changed faces. These kids were never disiplined before and it turned into an all out war zone. We were (winning the battle) for a time but it did not last. These kids were set in their ways and mom I think felt more comfort in spoiling them. She seemed to feel guilty with the whole idea of discipline. At the time she made a comment to me that she felt in the middle all the time. The kids sensed this apprehension of discipline on her part and drove a wedge between us. I backed off and said to her I have invested much into this relationship and feel that I do not deserve to suffer the consequences from the lack of you and your exes child rearing skills. So that was that and we split after about 2 years.

The original question...
Is dating a single mom too much of a commitment for some men?
I would say most important!!! is for the couple to be (on the same page) regarding the goals of ultimatly how you want to raise these kids. A general understanding between the two of you as a couple what you value, your belief systems and morals. They had better be similar in nature or there will be hardship. We are after all interested in these kids becoming successful productive members of society and there is a path we can follow to that end once its determined that the couple involved agree upon (the way) to best achieve this together and in harmony. Is it too much of a commitment for some men? Yes, for a man that has only one thing on his mind. No, if he genuinely loves you and wants to be a part of your life and you determine that he has the qualities that you find important in a mate and are secure in his ability to have a positive influence in a family setting.

I like your reply, I am a divorced mom with 2 kids. I am also looking for a serious relationship. It gets lonely sometimes. Looking for a companion doesn't mean you are looking for a father for your children, my children has a father. I am just looking for someone for me. I am independent and have looked after my children all their life, why looking for a father for them now.